EX wants more parenting time

[Anonymous]

We share joint legal custody and I have residential custody. When the ex and I split all he wanted in terms of custody was every other weekend (fri after school-mon morning), alternate holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. For a very long time that is all he took. As they have gotten older he has taken more interest and has been spending more time with them. I think this is wonderful and have tried to be very flexible. We have recently come to an impasse though. The ex now wants EVERY weekend. That is not acceptable to me at all. My job is very demanding and during the week its go go go for all of us. I really value our weekend time. As a compromise I suggested on his off weekends that he take the kids for 2-3 days during the week. He travels A LOT for business during the week and I would be flexible with those days. He said he could only manage 1 day during the week. I then suggested adding on to his weekend time. Instead of fri-mon make it fri-tues or thurs-mon and on the off weekend he could take them 1 day during the week. No he wants every weekend. I cannot believe he is acting like this. I feel he is very close to taking this to court. I consulted a lawyer and she said the chances of him getting what he wants is slim to none. I'm really just venting. I really don't know how to work this out.

[Anonymous]

I’m just trying to think creatively here: can you guys move to the same neighborhood so he can see the kids after school when he has free time? To minimize disruption while giving you both more time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure how old they are. What if he takes them from after school / work on Fridays until Sunday mornings every weekend. You would still have them Sundays. That way he can see them every week and you both get weekend time.

Obviously there would need to be flexibility if one or the other of you were going away for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Please don't give him every weekend. You are 100% correct that you need that weekend down time to bond with the kids. If he has a demanding job and wants more time with the kids, then he has to make the same choices the rest of us do - figure out how to cut back at work on particular days so he can have more time with his kids. It is not your job to figure this out for him.

Make sure you coordinate with your attorney how to document that you have been flexible and offered him several alternatives which he has declined. Let him take you to court and explain to a judge why he refused reasonable alternatives from upu and insists on all weekends. It will cost him amd he is unlikely to get what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure how old they are. What if he takes them from after school / work on Fridays until Sunday mornings every weekend. You would still have them Sundays. That way he can see them every week and you both get weekend time.

Obviously there would need to be flexibility if one or the other of you were going away for the weekend.

Sunday is the crappiest day of the weekend. You’re just preparing for school, etc. why can’t he take a week day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure how old they are. What if he takes them from after school / work on Fridays until Sunday mornings every weekend. You would still have them Sundays. That way he can see them every week and you both get weekend time.

Obviously there would need to be flexibility if one or the other of you were going away for the weekend.

Sunday is the crappiest day of the weekend. You’re just preparing for school, etc. why can’t he take a week day?

Sunday can be a great weekend day depending on how you use it.

Depending on the ages of the kids, there can be almost no time to spend together on weekdays. I don't know their routine or schedule or work hours but since he isn't keeping them overnight, they may need to be back home by 8:00 or something to start the bedtime routine. There really wouldn't be time to pick them up after work, take them to his place, spend time with them, and drive them back to OPs by bedtime. The kids would spend the whole time in the car and just be rushed around.

You could alternate weekends in that one weekend he gets the Friday to Sun am and the next weekend she does and he gets the Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't give him every weekend. You are 100% correct that you need that weekend down time to bond with the kids. If he has a demanding job and wants more time with the kids, then he has to make the same choices the rest of us do - figure out how to cut back at work on particular days so he can have more time with his kids. It is not your job to figure this out for him.

Make sure you coordinate with your attorney how to document that you have been flexible and offered him several alternatives which he has declined. Let him take you to court and explain to a judge why he refused reasonable alternatives from upu and insists on all weekends. It will cost him amd he is unlikely to get what he wants.

+1000

[Anonymous]

My brother was kind of in your ex's situation. He had a very intense high paying job with some travel adn that meant it was very difficult for him to have time with the kids during the week. His ex was unwilling to give up her weekend time (fair enough). He proposed a number of options and tried to figure out realistically he could have more time with the kids with the job he had and knowing what his ex would or wouldn't do and came to the conclusion that he couldn't.

So he left his job and took a job that paid about 50% of his previous salary but had family friendly hours and no travel. he sold his house and got an apartment a few blocks from his ex so he could minimize commute time for the kids and it made it easier for him to be more involved.

With the 50% decrease in pay, he and his wife were pretty equal in terms of income so that ended child support and he was able to put that money into his time with the kids and expenses related to the kids while with him.

He went back to court and got 50/50 custody. While there was a decrease in standard of living for both mom and dad, there was an increase in quality of life for the kids. Having both parents actively available and involved is of more value than a 'richer' lifestyle. His ex had a hard time adjusting to the change in standard of living but the kids didn't. They flourished and didn't seem to miss the extras at all.

Once his kids are older, he will try and resurrect his career I imagine. He doesn't for one second regret taking the career and pay hit to get the 50% time with his kids.

[Anonymous]

how old are kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We share joint legal custody and I have residential custody. When the ex and I split all he wanted in terms of custody was every other weekend (fri after school-mon morning), alternate holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. For a very long time that is all he took. As they have gotten older he has taken more interest and has been spending more time with them. I think this is wonderful and have tried to be very flexible. We have recently come to an impasse though. The ex now wants EVERY weekend. That is not acceptable to me at all. My job is very demanding and during the week its go go go for all of us. I really value our weekend time. As a compromise I suggested on his off weekends that he take the kids for 2-3 days during the week. He travels A LOT for business during the week and I would be flexible with those days. He said he could only manage 1 day during the week. I then suggested adding on to his weekend time. Instead of fri-mon make it fri-tues or thurs-mon and on the off weekend he could take them 1 day during the week. No he wants every weekend. I cannot believe he is acting like this. I feel he is very close to taking this to court. I consulted a lawyer and she said the chances of him getting what he wants is slim to none. I'm really just venting. I really don't know how to work this out.

How dare he try to spend more than what amounts to a week with his each mionth!

Don't be so sure if this lands in courts that things will go in your favor.

[Anonymous]

OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was kind of in your ex's situation. He had a very intense high paying job with some travel adn that meant it was very difficult for him to have time with the kids during the week. His ex was unwilling to give up her weekend time (fair enough). He proposed a number of options and tried to figure out realistically he could have more time with the kids with the job he had and knowing what his ex would or wouldn't do and came to the conclusion that he couldn't.

So he left his job and took a job that paid about 50% of his previous salary but had family friendly hours and no travel. he sold his house and got an apartment a few blocks from his ex so he could minimize commute time for the kids and it made it easier for him to be more involved.

With the 50% decrease in pay, he and his wife were pretty equal in terms of income so that ended child support and he was able to put that money into his time with the kids and expenses related to the kids while with him.

He went back to court and got 50/50 custody. While there was a decrease in standard of living for both mom and dad, there was an increase in quality of life for the kids. Having both parents actively available and involved is of more value than a 'richer' lifestyle. His ex had a hard time adjusting to the change in standard of living but the kids didn't. They flourished and didn't seem to miss the extras at all.

Once his kids are older, he will try and resurrect his career I imagine. He doesn't for one second regret taking the career and pay hit to get the 50% time with his kids.

+ 10000

OP youd and your ex need to be grown ups and figure out time with kids and not be so wrapped up in your careers.
Your kids will not appreciate a custoy battle now or in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share joint legal custody and I have residential custody. When the ex and I split all he wanted in terms of custody was every other weekend (fri after school-mon morning), alternate holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. For a very long time that is all he took. As they have gotten older he has taken more interest and has been spending more time with them. I think this is wonderful and have tried to be very flexible. We have recently come to an impasse though. The ex now wants EVERY weekend. That is not acceptable to me at all. My job is very demanding and during the week its go go go for all of us. I really value our weekend time. As a compromise I suggested on his off weekends that he take the kids for 2-3 days during the week. He travels A LOT for business during the week and I would be flexible with those days. He said he could only manage 1 day during the week. I then suggested adding on to his weekend time. Instead of fri-mon make it fri-tues or thurs-mon and on the off weekend he could take them 1 day during the week. No he wants every weekend. I cannot believe he is acting like this. I feel he is very close to taking this to court. I consulted a lawyer and she said the chances of him getting what he wants is slim to none. I'm really just venting. I really don't know how to work this out.

How dare he try to spend more than what amounts to a week with his each mionth!

Don't be so sure if this lands in courts that things will go in your favor.

OP is offering workdays but he doesn’t want to do the whole weekday kid hassle thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share joint legal custody and I have residential custody. When the ex and I split all he wanted in terms of custody was every other weekend (fri after school-mon morning), alternate holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. For a very long time that is all he took. As they have gotten older he has taken more interest and has been spending more time with them. I think this is wonderful and have tried to be very flexible. We have recently come to an impasse though. The ex now wants EVERY weekend. That is not acceptable to me at all. My job is very demanding and during the week its go go go for all of us. I really value our weekend time. As a compromise I suggested on his off weekends that he take the kids for 2-3 days during the week. He travels A LOT for business during the week and I would be flexible with those days. He said he could only manage 1 day during the week. I then suggested adding on to his weekend time. Instead of fri-mon make it fri-tues or thurs-mon and on the off weekend he could take them 1 day during the week. No he wants every weekend. I cannot believe he is acting like this. I feel he is very close to taking this to court. I consulted a lawyer and she said the chances of him getting what he wants is slim to none. I'm really just venting. I really don't know how to work this out.

How dare he try to spend more than what amounts to a week with his each mionth!

Don't be so sure if this lands in courts that things will go in your favor.

OP is offering workdays but he doesn’t want to do the whole weekday kid hassle thing

How would weekdays work? Does she mean he takes them Monday to Wednesday each week? How long of a commute would this mean for the kids and how much more aftercare / babysitter time would it mean? It is only a reasonable option if it is good for the kids in that it actually gives them more meaningful time with their father. If it benefits the kids, then it is a good option. If it actually means stress and hassle for the kids, then not a good option.