EX wants more parenting time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably wants a set schedule and not to have to coordinate with you every week regarding logistics. That seems tedious and also it doesn’t provide stability for the kids. I don’t think either of you are wrong, necessarily. Just be mindful that it might not go your way if taken to court.

Did you not read the thread? This is not about him wanting a set schedule - he has declined set weekdays, because his job schedule means he cannot take the kids on a schedule during the week. OP has graciously been flexible with him when he can take a weekday. That, frankly, is more than I would do.

DH doesn't want to be forced to make the same difficult choices the rest of is do when faced with a clash between job and parenting responsibilities. He also wants OP to be the bad guy instead of his job/his own choices being the bad guy. He can keep his job and the income premium that comes from being an employee that can travel and blame her for "not letting him see the kids."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were his attorney my next offer would be my client takes 3 weekends a month, plus 8 weeks of summer vacation. That would be about 164 nights a year or 45 percent time. That offer would also be seen by the judge as being very flexible on his part. My next offer would be one week a month, plus every other weekend, plus 6 weeks of summer vacation. That would be 180 nights a year or 49 percent of time.

I would encourage dad to hire a babysitter who is old enough to drive, or get a female relative to help with the kids that one week a month when he has them during the work week.

Did you not read the thread? OP said that exDH's job does not allow him to take the kids dirimg the week, so he is not goong to get 8 weeks of summer, 6 weeks of summer or even 1 week a month. He often isn't even home during the week. You think a judge is going to order custody for the kids to be cared for 24/7 by a sitter). Doubt that. It would be different if the ExDH was at least home at night during the week.

OP, please consult your attorney about how to document offers of additional custody time for you and reasons why Ex has turned it down. Keep a log of what you know about his travel during the week. You might ask the lawyer about offering other mid-week contact opportunities - skype sessions to read good night books or chat, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were his attorney my next offer would be my client takes 3 weekends a month, plus 8 weeks of summer vacation. That would be about 164 nights a year or 45 percent time. That offer would also be seen by the judge as being very flexible on his part. My next offer would be one week a month, plus every other weekend, plus 6 weeks of summer vacation. That would be 180 nights a year or 49 percent of time.

I would encourage dad to hire a babysitter who is old enough to drive, or get a female relative to help with the kids that one week a month when he has them during the work week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were his attorney my next offer would be my client takes 3 weekends a month, plus 8 weeks of summer vacation. That would be about 164 nights a year or 45 percent time. That offer would also be seen by the judge as being very flexible on his part. My next offer would be one week a month, plus every other weekend, plus 6 weeks of summer vacation. That would be 180 nights a year or 49 percent of time.

I would encourage dad to hire a babysitter who is old enough to drive, or get a female relative to help with the kids that one week a month when he has them during the work week.

So then he gets to work and have childcare handled by OP all week and get almost all weekends AND summer? Meaning OP gets only stressed out weekdays and 1 weekend a month and no summer? F*ck off!! This is a BS offer. I would counter to give him full custody and *I* would accept this cushy "visitation" to get the time with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom who only has weekdays and wanted that schedule. She wanted her kids to have stability during the school days and she wanted the weekends free to have fun with her friends and look for a new man (her ex cheated on her and has someone already). This probably doesn't add much to your particular situation, but know that not everyone wants the same thing schedule wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Our children our 6 &10. We live 10 miles apart. The issue is that ex h job has him travel so a true 50/50 is not possible. Like this past week he has been at a convention all week in Las Vegas. I do not see him giving up his job. I honestly would not have an issue sharing equal custody with him. I do not get child support directly. In lieu of child support he pays for 100% their private school. I am fortunate not to need any financial support from him.

Giving up my weekends with the kids is just not an option for me. I don't know what more I can offer. More time during the week and flexibility with his traveling is out right rejected. I just don't understand.

You don't want to give up time with your kids but don't understand why he wants more time with the kids??? You are being selfish. If you live 10 miles apart, it may be a transportation issue to get the kids to school if the school is even further from your house. He's probably paying $80K or more for private so are you ok with him taking a lower paying job to be around more and removing the kids from private to public? No, so find a way to work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Our children our 6 &10. We live 10 miles apart. The issue is that ex h job has him travel so a true 50/50 is not possible. Like this past week he has been at a convention all week in Las Vegas. I do not see him giving up his job. I honestly would not have an issue sharing equal custody with him. I do not get child support directly. In lieu of child support he pays for 100% their private school. I am fortunate not to need any financial support from him.

Giving up my weekends with the kids is just not an option for me. I don't know what more I can offer. More time during the week and flexibility with his traveling is out right rejected. I just don't understand.

You don't want to give up time with your kids but don't understand why he wants more time with the kids??? You are being selfish. If you live 10 miles apart, it may be a transportation issue to get the kids to school if the school is even further from your house. He's probably paying $80K or more for private so are you ok with him taking a lower paying job to be around more and removing the kids from private to public? No, so find a way to work it out.

Huh??? You clearly have a reading comprehension problem. Please point out where OP doesn’t “understand why he wants more time with the kids.” She’d be fine splitting the school week AND weekends with him. No problem. HE is the one demanding ALL weekends. Basically he’s saying that she should only have the time in the morning and evening while he gets all day Saturdays and Sundays.
Hell to the no. THAT is being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

[Anonymous]

I agree he should have more than 88 days a year.

You both should slit weekends, and the weekday split should not favor you or him.

He also should have more weeks in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a perfect situation for the house rotating thing people talk about. The kids stay in the house and parents rotate between an apartment and staying with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a perfect situation for the house rotating thing people talk about. The kids stay in the house and parents rotate between an apartment and staying with the kids.

You have to be mature to do this. OP and her ex do not have that level of maturity. They will therefore end up in court and ordered to a schedule neither of them like and subjecting their kids to years of custody battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

Please go back and read the original post and OP’s follow up. He wants every single weekend. She has every right to say no to that. Instead, she has offered more time on alternating weekends so that he has a longer weekend with them that includes a weekday on the front or back end. He is balking at that. Other than her saying no to every single weekend without her kids, how exactly is she being inflexible?