EX wants more parenting time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but DO NOT give him every weekend. You NEED downtime with the kids. Say "No" very firmly and stop discussing it. He can do one overnight a week, it can be on rotating days, he's always welcome at games/performances/extracurricular practices/matches whatever. He cannot have every bit of fun time with the kids.

I would offer to extend his summer parenting time, and if he doesn't get alternating holidays, increase his holiday time.

Here's the thing you don't seem to understand, OP doesn't get the final say in this.

I understand it VERY well actually. If he hasn't filed in court, OP is not required to discuss it with him after offering something entirely reasonable. And even then, she can go through a lawyer. Yes it's expensive, but kids need downtime with BOTH parents - for OP to be the "all work and no play" parent is unfair to the kids, and to OP.

I'm a single mom, I've been through TWO custody battles, TWO child support battles, and my ex filed a motion FALSELY claiming I violated our order, plus I've been through a child services investigation based on a FALSE report. I've won every single fight. I have more experience with this sh!t than most of you probably.

OP does need to be willing to compromise. And if dad wants 50/50, he might need a lower paying job and the kids might need to go to public school. OP should be open to the possibility. OP does NOT need to give up every bit of fun time with the kids - she should absolutely have two full weekends a month with them.

Bitter woman projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably wants a set schedule and not to have to coordinate with you every week regarding logistics. That seems tedious and also it doesn’t provide stability for the kids. I don’t think either of you are wrong, necessarily. Just be mindful that it might not go your way if taken to court.

Did you not read the thread? This is not about him wanting a set schedule - he has declined set weekdays, because his job schedule means he cannot take the kids on a schedule during the week. OP has graciously been flexible with him when he can take a weekday. That, frankly, is more than I would do.

DH doesn't want to be forced to make the same difficult choices the rest of is do when faced with a clash between job and parenting responsibilities. He also wants OP to be the bad guy instead of his job/his own choices being the bad guy. He can keep his job and the income premium that comes from being an employee that can travel and blame her for "not letting him see the kids."

SO OP's exH is either an over the road truck driver or an airline pilot or a 00-level secret agent. Very few other high paying jobs have travel 100 percent of weekdays. Even 50 percent is unlikely. Jobs with that much travel also tend to include weeks at a time away including weekends. If he truly has M-F travel then he should be able to limit travel in one week a month, or get a sitter/family member to help out a bit those weeks.

More likely what is going on is OP doesn't want dad to have time with his children, and this is her latest excuse. Judge will see right through it.

Precisely!

[Anonymous]

This is the OP,

I am very surprised by reading some of the responses especially after what I have posted. He wants EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. If his schedule allowed I would split 50/50 custody with him. I offered him 6-10 extra days per month during the WEEK. He is the one that said he could only take them 1 day during the week but he declined that offer in writing via email. He has not even asked for extended time in the summer and we alternate holidays.

I am not going to split my weekends with him. When we divorced he picked out the schedule he wanted. He wants to be more active in their lives and I am thrilled by that but not at the expense of my weekends with the kids.

I gave up traveling with my job years ago. He can do the same if he is really serious and do a 50/50. He can also take up on my multiple offers to keep the kids during the week when he is not traveling.

[Anonymous]

My dad only had us on the weekends. He was the "fun" parent but I don't consider him a parent in any way. Sounds like your ex wants the easy part (and maybe to pay less CS?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but DO NOT give him every weekend. You NEED downtime with the kids. Say "No" very firmly and stop discussing it. He can do one overnight a week, it can be on rotating days, he's always welcome at games/performances/extracurricular practices/matches whatever. He cannot have every bit of fun time with the kids.

I would offer to extend his summer parenting time, and if he doesn't get alternating holidays, increase his holiday time.

Here's the thing you don't seem to understand, OP doesn't get the final say in this.

I understand it VERY well actually. If he hasn't filed in court, OP is not required to discuss it with him after offering something entirely reasonable. And even then, she can go through a lawyer. Yes it's expensive, but kids need downtime with BOTH parents - for OP to be the "all work and no play" parent is unfair to the kids, and to OP.

I'm a single mom, I've been through TWO custody battles, TWO child support battles, and my ex filed a motion FALSELY claiming I violated our order, plus I've been through a child services investigation based on a FALSE report. I've won every single fight. I have more experience with this sh!t than most of you probably.

OP does need to be willing to compromise. And if dad wants 50/50, he might need a lower paying job and the kids might need to go to public school. OP should be open to the possibility. OP does NOT need to give up every bit of fun time with the kids - she should absolutely have two full weekends a month with them.

Your situation is not at all like OP's you encouraging OP to be combative without a legitimate reason could backfire hugely for her.

Asking for every weekend is unfair, but expecting him to be happy with seeing HIS kids 6 days a month is also unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP,

I am very surprised by reading some of the responses especially after what I have posted. He wants EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. If his schedule allowed I would split 50/50 custody with him. I offered him 6-10 extra days per month during the WEEK. He is the one that said he could only take them 1 day during the week but he declined that offer in writing via email. He has not even asked for extended time in the summer and we alternate holidays.

I am not going to split my weekends with him. When we divorced he picked out the schedule he wanted. He wants to be more active in their lives and I am thrilled by that but not at the expense of my weekends with the kids.

I gave up traveling with my job years ago. He can do the same if he is really serious and do a 50/50. He can also take up on my multiple offers to keep the kids during the week when he is not traveling.

Have fun in court!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad only had us on the weekends. He was the "fun" parent but I don't consider him a parent in any way. Sounds like your ex wants the easy part (and maybe to pay less CS?)

I only saw my dad on weekends too. He's still my dad and my parent.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think your work schedule is more important than his?

You both sound very selfish which sucks for your kids who have to deal with both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think your work schedule is more important than his?

You both sound very selfish which sucks for your kids who have to deal with both of you.

Where is OP saying, explicitly or implicitly, that her work schedule is “more important” than his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think your work schedule is more important than his?

You both sound very selfish which sucks for your kids who have to deal with both of you.

Where is OP saying, explicitly or implicitly, that her work schedule is “more important” than his?

It’s always interesting on DCUM when the posters become team DW or Team ex-DH. My take is whether you are married and definitely if you are divorced, you don’t get to dictate the sacrifices someone else makes for your convenience. It sounds like for the OP, giving up every weekend with her children would be a sacrifice for her. She has offered other alternatives to her ex to give him more time with the kids and all have been rejected. The ball is in her ex’s court to commit to one day during the week, ad-hoc when he isn’t traveling for work, or change his job as OP did.

OP good luck and keep good documentation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad only had us on the weekends. He was the "fun" parent but I don't consider him a parent in any way. Sounds like your ex wants the easy part (and maybe to pay less CS?)

I only saw my dad on weekends too. He's still my dad and my parent.

I'm glad. My dad did none of the parenting. My mom did it all. I knew it even back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think your work schedule is more important than his?

You both sound very selfish which sucks for your kids who have to deal with both of you.

Where is OP saying, explicitly or implicitly, that her work schedule is “more important” than his?

It’s always interesting on DCUM when the posters become team DW or Team ex-DH. My take is whether you are married and definitely if you are divorced, you don’t get to dictate the sacrifices someone else makes for your convenience. It sounds like for the OP, giving up every weekend with her children would be a sacrifice for her. She has offered other alternatives to her ex to give him more time with the kids and all have been rejected. The ball is in her ex’s court to commit to one day during the week, ad-hoc when he isn’t traveling for work, or change his job as OP did.

OP good luck and keep good documentation.

It's interesting that you claim pp is choosing sides or teams. Your entire post is taking sides. Neither OP or her ex get to dictate the other's schedules or sacrifices and the ex doesn't have to accept what OP offers him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

I was just thinking this. I get my kids every weekend, every holiday and for the entire summer. Just let the kids go over there on the weekends. I think if you do it you will come to find that it really is no bid deal.

[Anonymous]

How about he gets 3 weekends out of the month and you get one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

I was just thinking this. I get my kids every weekend, every holiday and for the entire summer. Just let the kids go over there on the weekends. I think if you do it you will come to find that it really is no bid deal.

Add another one for "I know a case where the father gets every weekend and all of summer" Just don't get overconfident that that won't happen.