EX wants more parenting time

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread, but DO NOT give him every weekend. You NEED downtime with the kids. Say "No" very firmly and stop discussing it. He can do one overnight a week, it can be on rotating days, he's always welcome at games/performances/extracurricular practices/matches whatever. He cannot have every bit of fun time with the kids.

I would offer to extend his summer parenting time, and if he doesn't get alternating holidays, increase his holiday time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

Please go back and read the original post and OP’s follow up. He wants every single weekend. She has every right to say no to that. Instead, she has offered more time on alternating weekends so that he has a longer weekend with them that includes a weekday on the front or back end. He is balking at that. Other than her saying no to every single weekend without her kids, how exactly is she being inflexible?

He travels during the week for work. His income is paying for kids fancy private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

Please go back and read the original post and OP’s follow up. He wants every single weekend. She has every right to say no to that. Instead, she has offered more time on alternating weekends so that he has a longer weekend with them that includes a weekday on the front or back end. He is balking at that. Other than her saying no to every single weekend without her kids, how exactly is she being inflexible?

He travels during the week for work. His income is paying for kids fancy private school.

1) he TOLD her he could do one day a week 2) OP also works a very demanding job. Did she say somewhere that her income didn’t go towards anything or are all women SAHMs to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

Please go back and read the original post and OP’s follow up. He wants every single weekend. She has every right to say no to that. Instead, she has offered more time on alternating weekends so that he has a longer weekend with them that includes a weekday on the front or back end. He is balking at that. Other than her saying no to every single weekend without her kids, how exactly is she being inflexible?

He travels during the week for work. His income is paying for kids fancy private school.

1) he TOLD her he could do one day a week 2) OP also works a very demanding job. Did she say somewhere that her income didn’t go towards anything or are all women SAHMs to you?

NP here but you are way too invested in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but DO NOT give him every weekend. You NEED downtime with the kids. Say "No" very firmly and stop discussing it. He can do one overnight a week, it can be on rotating days, he's always welcome at games/performances/extracurricular practices/matches whatever. He cannot have every bit of fun time with the kids.

I would offer to extend his summer parenting time, and if he doesn't get alternating holidays, increase his holiday time.

Here's the thing you don't seem to understand, OP doesn't get the final say in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

And OP is not willing to change her work schedule so her weekdays are “less tressed.” See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

No OP only wants him to have 1 more day on his off weeks and only on the days she has picked. They are both inflexible and want to have things worked around their careers.

Please go back and read the original post and OP’s follow up. He wants every single weekend. She has every right to say no to that. Instead, she has offered more time on alternating weekends so that he has a longer weekend with them that includes a weekday on the front or back end. He is balking at that. Other than her saying no to every single weekend without her kids, how exactly is she being inflexible?

He travels during the week for work. His income is paying for kids fancy private school.

1) he TOLD her he could do one day a week 2) OP also works a very demanding job. Did she say somewhere that her income didn’t go towards anything or are all women SAHMs to you?

They both have income, both maintaining homes for the kids. This has nothing to do with SAHP. They have equal housing costs so OP has more in food, clothing and other basic needs but Dad pays far more in private school than she is probably spending on the kids. Everyone has demanding jobs. He probably had this job when they were married. He wants more time with his kids. If her job is so demanding one would think she'd like the help. This is why men give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

[Anonymous]

How about offering Friday-Sat morning with him on the weekends they are with you? You would still have them for the bulk of the weekend and they would see him weekly.

My DD is with my ex every weekend and it works for us. I sometimes have her during the day on Saturdays. He'd have to hire a sitter in order to get her to school during the week which would defeat the purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

And OP is not willing to change her work schedule so she is “less stressed.” See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

Did they get every weekend custody ordered by a judge or did the parents agree to it? Big difference.

Actually the big difference is whether this was decided initially or if it was a modification. Because what OP fears is never going to happen.

Depends on the judge she gets The idea that dads get less time with kids is falling out of favor.
OP and her ex don't want to get to the point of a judge deciding because it's very likely neither of them will like the outcome.

But more time is NOT the issue. OP is more than happy to split the weekdays and weekends with him 50/50. She’d be fine if a judge ordered that. He, however, would not like that. He’s not willing to change his work schedule.

And OP is not willing to change her work schedule so she is “less stressed.” See how that works?

You can’t really be this obtuse, PP. OP deserves time with her kids on the weekends regardless of her job being stressful or not. She could change her job tomorrow and her kids would still be in school all day. There are activities that can only be done on the weekend, and both parents should have that time with their kids. See how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but DO NOT give him every weekend. You NEED downtime with the kids. Say "No" very firmly and stop discussing it. He can do one overnight a week, it can be on rotating days, he's always welcome at games/performances/extracurricular practices/matches whatever. He cannot have every bit of fun time with the kids.

I would offer to extend his summer parenting time, and if he doesn't get alternating holidays, increase his holiday time.

Here's the thing you don't seem to understand, OP doesn't get the final say in this.

I understand it VERY well actually. If he hasn't filed in court, OP is not required to discuss it with him after offering something entirely reasonable. And even then, she can go through a lawyer. Yes it's expensive, but kids need downtime with BOTH parents - for OP to be the "all work and no play" parent is unfair to the kids, and to OP.

I'm a single mom, I've been through TWO custody battles, TWO child support battles, and my ex filed a motion FALSELY claiming I violated our order, plus I've been through a child services investigation based on a FALSE report. I've won every single fight. I have more experience with this sh!t than most of you probably.

OP does need to be willing to compromise. And if dad wants 50/50, he might need a lower paying job and the kids might need to go to public school. OP should be open to the possibility. OP does NOT need to give up every bit of fun time with the kids - she should absolutely have two full weekends a month with them.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter who earns more! No parent can fiat a monopoly on weekend time. Not any more than you could declare you get every christmas and birthday.

[Anonymous]

What about what the kids might want. I saw my dad every other weekend and a week during the summer growing up, and there is no way I would have wanted to be with him every weekend. I loved my dad very much and my siblings and I always had a blast on our weekends with him. We had so many adventures. However, being with our mom was real life. It was stability, regularity, familiarity and we needed that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably wants a set schedule and not to have to coordinate with you every week regarding logistics. That seems tedious and also it doesn’t provide stability for the kids. I don’t think either of you are wrong, necessarily. Just be mindful that it might not go your way if taken to court.

Did you not read the thread? This is not about him wanting a set schedule - he has declined set weekdays, because his job schedule means he cannot take the kids on a schedule during the week. OP has graciously been flexible with him when he can take a weekday. That, frankly, is more than I would do.

DH doesn't want to be forced to make the same difficult choices the rest of is do when faced with a clash between job and parenting responsibilities. He also wants OP to be the bad guy instead of his job/his own choices being the bad guy. He can keep his job and the income premium that comes from being an employee that can travel and blame her for "not letting him see the kids."

SO OP's exH is either an over the road truck driver or an airline pilot or a 00-level secret agent. Very few other high paying jobs have travel 100 percent of weekdays. Even 50 percent is unlikely. Jobs with that much travel also tend to include weeks at a time away including weekends. If he truly has M-F travel then he should be able to limit travel in one week a month, or get a sitter/family member to help out a bit those weeks.

More likely what is going on is OP doesn't want dad to have time with his children, and this is her latest excuse. Judge will see right through it.