Any Stern Teachers at the Big 3??

[Anonymous]

DC goes to a very good school, though not one of the Big 3. He's in KG now. I'd like to learn about other good schools, however, and how the teachers there treat the children, even when a child might be doing something inappropriate. DC tells me that one of his teachers is particularly stern. She doesn't yell. But she does raise her voice enough that he says it sometimes jolts him. He says he's not overly bothered because he sees she talks this way to all the kids. She orders kids, "Stop that!" or "Hands off now" instead of saying, "Please don't touch that" or "Please stop that." It bothers me that she doesn't speak politely to them when she is disciplining them. We don't talk that way to DC, we try to say it in a nice way. If we want our children to learn manners, shouldn't teachers speak in a well-mannered, respectful way with our children? too...always?? Now I'm wondering if I should say something to the teacher...and, if so, how on earth do I do this in a polite way without offending her?

Please, I don't want this to start a long debate about how it's permissible for teachers to speak this way. I am simply curious to know if parents at the Big 3 schools or other very good schools such as Maret, Sidwell, Potomac, GDS...have children there who have dealt with stern teachers like this...for any grade, but especially for KG.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes young kids have a hard time interpreting tone. I can firmly tell a student to "Stop that!" w/o sounding mean. "Hands off now" is not rude. It's just a bit more to the point.

Unless you are there actually witnessing this, you don't really know.

I wouldn't say anything.

[Anonymous]

Okay I thought this was a last name, not an adjective, I thought there was an educator named Something Stern. The Stern Method. The Stern Way.

My son had a yeller in pre-K. He loved her.

The world is filled with stern teachers so unless he's traumatized by her I'd explain that different people have different styles and this is part of his education. Using the imperative without a magic word is just the way some teachers, and parents for that matter, operate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes young kids have a hard time interpreting tone. I can firmly tell a student to "Stop that!" w/o sounding mean. "Hands off now" is not rude. It's just a bit more to the point.

Unless you are there actually witnessing this, you don't really know.

I wouldn't say anything.

You know, I specifically asked that this not turn into a debate of determining if the phrases the teacher used were rude. Yet you went there anyhow.

This is not subject to debate, at least not from my end. It is rude to me and I don't speak to my child that way to get him to not do things. I woudl not speak to another adult that way either.

[Anonymous]

Are the posters who responded with children in the big 3 schools?

We all know there are stern teachers everyone. But that's one reason why I'm paying $25,000 per year for his tuition - to ensure that teachers speak tactfully and respectfully to my child so that, one day when he is an adult, he will model or emulate the respectful way he's been spoken to his whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the posters who responded with children in the big 3 schools?

We all know there are stern teachers everyone. But that's one reason why I'm paying $25,000 per year for his tuition - to ensure that teachers speak tactfully and respectfully to my child so that, one day when he is an adult, he will model or emulate the respectful way he's been spoken to his whole life.

As an alum of a so-called Big 3 (although not from as young as KG) I can tell you that there are some good teachers, some bad teachers, some teachers whose style you will love and others whose style you will hate. If the reason you have put him in private school is so that all the teachers will use whatever style you think best, you will be very disappointed.

(For what it's worth, that is one of the reasons I went to private school, my parents and I were disappointed, and I am struggling with what choices I will make for my preschooler)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes young kids have a hard time interpreting tone. I can firmly tell a student to "Stop that!" w/o sounding mean. "Hands off now" is not rude. It's just a bit more to the point.

Unless you are there actually witnessing this, you don't really know.

I wouldn't say anything.

You know, I specifically asked that this not turn into a debate of determining if the phrases the teacher used were rude. Yet you went there anyhow.

This is not subject to debate, at least not from my end. It is rude to me and I don't speak to my child that way to get him to not do things. I woudl not speak to another adult that way either.

Geez, talk about a double standard. This post is much ruder than "Stop that!"

[Anonymous]

If the question is simply, "are there teachers at very good schools who do not preface every direction with a please?" the answer is yes. There are all sorts of teachers at all schools, and I personally think tone of voice and general demeanor are much more important than word choice. I've had yellers who always said please, and kind and generous teachers who didn't. I'm a graduate of one of those schools and one of my least favorite teachers of all time was constantly smiling and using polite words, but it always felt like there was little genuine warmth behind it.

But, OP, you may want to think ahead as you decide whether this financial investment is worth it to you, because, as a PP said, you may well be setting yourself up for disappointment . Here are a few examples of teachers in older grades, culled from my DCs, who are in middle and high school at very good private schools, and their friends at similar schools.

How would you feel about:
-a teacher who gives vague directions about a long term project, then grades your DC down if s/he did something wrong, saying, "if you were unsure you should have asked me"?

- a teacher who allows the noise level in the room to rise so high that some students find it very difficult to concentrate (although others thrive)?

-a teacher who refuses to even try to read a sloppily written test, instead giving a low grade, who says, "you should have come early if you wanted to get a computer"?

-a teacher who, if a student is talking to friends in class, makes that student sit in the front of the room next to the teacher?

Useful lessons for life, or exercises in humiliation?

[Anonymous]

[u]-a teacher who, if a student is talking to friends in class, makes that student sit in the front of the room next to the teacher?

As a teacher myself, who could see employing this tactic, I'm wondering what non-teachers out there would suggest we do in this situation......

Sorry that this may not relate directly to the OP's question, but I am of the school that threads should be allowed to evolve.

[Anonymous]

pp here -- I obviously need a little instruction in how to use the quotation marks!!

[Anonymous]

As a communications consultant, I have to say it is impossible to ensure that teachers (or anyone else) only speak a certain way given that there are 8 major communication categories. I don't know a single kid who at one time or another comes home to complain about a teacher.

I will also say that it is up to the child to learn how deal with other people in order to be successful and independent. You say your child is not overly bothered so if he's not, you shouldn't be either. This is his first year - you ain't seen nothin' yet!

No school out there, no matter how highly-regarded, is immune from parents and kids who don't totally love all their teachers. Your child will have some great teachers and some you may not particularly like. That is life.

From personal experience, my son's KG teacher spoke "politely" yet she also disliked all the boys, held them to higher disciplinary standards and favored all the girls. You should consider yourself lucky that this is all you have to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes young kids have a hard time interpreting tone. I can firmly tell a student to "Stop that!" w/o sounding mean. "Hands off now" is not rude. It's just a bit more to the point.

Unless you are there actually witnessing this, you don't really know.

I wouldn't say anything.

You know, I specifically asked that this not turn into a debate of determining if the phrases the teacher used were rude. Yet you went there anyhow.

This is not subject to debate, at least not from my end. It is rude to me and I don't speak to my child that way to get him to not do things. I woudl not speak to another adult that way either.

Geez, talk about a double standard. This post is much ruder than "Stop that!"

Ha, I totally agree. "Hands off now" said in a gentle, singsong way isn't rude. But, moreover, PreK and K kids are not necessarily reliable narrators. Unless I was sitting in the class and HEARD the teacher snap "hands off now" and "stop that," I would not assume that the depiction is wholly accurate. Finally, even if it is, the teacher is not going to get canned or reprimanded or whatever. There are teachers of all stripes at these places. They are not usually chosen to satisfy one parent or family.

[Anonymous]

Two words, OP: home school.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are never going to find a school where all the teachers preface every request or directive with "please." I suspect your child is very young and you don't have a lot of experiece with schools yet, but if you feel strongly about this, I seriously suggest you look into homeschooling. But, even if you do go that route, you and your child will find out soon enough that the world is full of people who do not say please for every little thing, and you both are going to have to survive in that world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC goes to a very good school, though not one of the Big 3. He's in KG now. I'd like to learn about other good schools, however, and how the teachers there treat the children, even when a child might be doing something inappropriate. DC tells me that one of his teachers is particularly stern. She doesn't yell. But she does raise her voice enough that he says it sometimes jolts him. He says he's not overly bothered because he sees she talks this way to all the kids. She orders kids, "Stop that!" or "Hands off now" instead of saying, "Please don't touch that" or "Please stop that." It bothers me that she doesn't speak politely to them when she is disciplining them. We don't talk that way to DC, we try to say it in a nice way. If we want our children to learn manners, shouldn't teachers speak in a well-mannered, respectful way with our children? too...always?? Now I'm wondering if I should say something to the teacher...and, if so, how on earth do I do this in a polite way without offending her?

Please, I don't want this to start a long debate about how it's permissible for teachers to speak this way. I am simply curious to know if parents at the Big 3 schools or other very good schools such as Maret, Sidwell, Potomac, GDS...have children there who have dealt with stern teachers like this...for any grade, but especially for KG.

Have you considered Green Acres? The teachers there have a profound respect for children and a real understanding of child development.