Any Stern Teachers at the Big 3??

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like a school that meets your standards doesn't exist, either in the elite DC schools, public or other privates. In which case the recommendation that you homeschool is spot-on.

Perhaps your kid needs to learn to deal with all different communications styles, but that's an argument you don't want to have so I'll let it go.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree that rudeness is a valid communication style. It's a communication style alright, but an inappropriate one for kindergarteners especially, who will frighten easily when an adult other than a parent's disciplinary style is scary or intimidating.

I'm the type of parent that will not homeschool to escape the one or two bad or rude teachers in an otherwise excellent school. I will address it with that teacher and keep moving up the ladder of authority until something is done about rudeness. I have the time, the inclination, and the persausive ability to make sure something is done about it. But it's annoying to me and I don't think it should be happening. It's simply an inappropriate way to communicate.


I agree with the PP who said that it's probably not the words but the tone that is used that is most important.

As far as those examples that PP used...I think it's appropriate to teach highschool students that they are responsible for their own projects. Yelling and raising your voice to do it is a whole different matter. A high school or middle school student that keeps socialzing with classmates when the teacher is speaking should probably be brought to sit in the front of the class. If it happens one time, I don't think that reaction was appropriate.

PP's are you children in big 3 schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[u]-a teacher who, if a student is talking to friends in class, makes that student sit in the front of the room next to the teacher?

As a teacher myself, who could see employing this tactic, I'm wondering what non-teachers out there would suggest we do in this situation......

Sorry that this may not relate directly to the OP's question, but I am of the school that threads should be allowed to evolve.

I am the OP. If every poster was allowed to steer the subject of the thread away to meet her own personal question or satisfy her own personal curiosity, what would be the point of anyone posting a question? But to answer your question, if a child was repeatedly talking to children while you are speaking I can understand moving her to a different seat where she is less likely to be distracted. Understandable. But it would be more polite if you could forewarn her. Give her a warning once before you do that. And do not do it publicly in front of her peers but try to address it after class or before class the next day. When she walks in to class the following day, tellher today she must sit in a different seat for the reasons which she was already forewarned about.

Warnings make it more fair. It help children to be able to guage when they are about to cross the line. It helps children to regulate their behavior better. And it make sthem feel some accountability - that they have some measure of control over the outcome.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone intoned that rudeness is valid. And it is not a communication style - rather, it is a characteristic found in many of the communication personalities out there.

I must admit I'm rather puzzled why OP insists on taking this up with the school when it is not bothering her child. It's your first year, the first week - you run the risk of being labelled by your school as one of "those parents." I stronly suggest you pick your battles wisely.

Look at the teacher - is she new or has she been around for awhile? If she's a veteran, chances are that the school really likes her and that they will side with her. You will need the school later on for a number of things including class and new school placement. Don't risk it all by focusing on the small stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must admit I'm rather puzzled why OP insists on taking this up with the school when it is not bothering her child. It's your first year, the first week - you run the risk of being labelled by your school as one of "those parents."

It's because she is one of "those parents" and can't help herself. She's entitled and *she* will set the terms for any interaction thank-you-very-much. No one is going to tell her DC what to do -- they must ask request not demand.

Note that she doesn't treat others as she would like (her DC) to be treated. And now she's wondering his experience would be different if her child were in a Big 3 school. Essentially, her question is "Are we not yet high enough up the pyramid to receive the deference to which I believe we are entitled?"

[Anonymous]

PP, since I am the OP how about letting me answer the PP's question rather than answering for me? You'll get a more accurate answer that way if you are interested in that.

First off, DC has had a bad experience with a teacher at previous school. Many kids did apparently. In one year, four children left this school because of that one teacher. That incident could not be resolved because the teacher was alsothe owner of the school. DC has complained to us about this new teacher being so stern that it sometimes jolts him. She raises her voice and it scareshim a bit. I don't want it to get worse or continue. And actually I do treat others the way I expect DC to be treated. But I don't entertain nastiness or snide reactions like yours with sugary sweetness because you are probably a 35 year old who knows better, not a five year old kindergartener. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that the PP's who answered do not have children in the big 3 then? I know of only one parent whose child is at at Big 3 school and they said they would be quite upset if their teacher spoke the way my child's teacher speaks. I'm trying to guage if there is generally a well accepted, more polite way that teachers are expected to communicate to their students at the big 3 and other top tier schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that the PP's who answered do not have children in the big 3 then? I know of only one parent whose child is at at Big 3 school and they said they would be quite upset if their teacher spoke the way my child's teacher speaks. I'm trying to guage if there is generally a well accepted, more polite way that teachers are expected to communicate to their students at the big 3 and other top tier schools.

like "yes, your highness" or "of course, princess"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that the PP's who answered do not have children in the big 3 then? I know of only one parent whose child is at at Big 3 school and they said they would be quite upset if their teacher spoke the way my child's teacher speaks. I'm trying to guage if there is generally a well accepted, more polite way that teachers are expected to communicate to their students at the big 3 and other top tier schools.

like "yes, your highness" or "of course, princess"

and at pubic school the teachers call my DS, "boy"

This conversation is ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that the PP's who answered do not have children in the big 3 then? I know of only one parent whose child is at at Big 3 school and they said they would be quite upset if their teacher spoke the way my child's teacher speaks. I'm trying to guage if there is generally a well accepted, more polite way that teachers are expected to communicate to their students at the big 3 and other top tier schools.

More double standards and more entitlement. No one else who posts can know where you're coming from, but somehow you know that anyone who disagrees with you must not have a kid in a "big 3" school because if she did, she would have a better understanding of what people like you should be able to expect from K teachers.

FWIW, yes, my kid goes to a big 3 and has since PreK. Yes, I'm sure there are teachers in her school would don't preface every instruction with "please." And DC's reaction to the whole scenario was that sometimes it's necessary and appropriate that teachers issue direct commands to students, and that there's nothing rude about it -- it's for clarity's sake. A request is different from a requirement and some kids don't get that when less direct formulations are used. (Her examples were "We don't throw blocks" or "Will you please not throw blocks?" She also pointed out that, from what she's seen, requests are more likely to lead to extended conversation and sometimes teachers need a quicker response from students.

[Anonymous]

OP - If you go directly to the administration, this teacher is guaranteed to not be a fan of yours. Furthermore, she will tell all the other teachers about what to expect and it will get passed along each year. They all sit down at the end of the year to discuss the kids and placement as well as to connect with new teachers to fill them in.

You need to swallow the perceived attitude we are all reading here and call the teacher for a quick chat. No accusations - you need to tell her what your son said and ask her for clarification and how she works so the two of you can be on the same page. Be nice, be friendly, be a team player.

[Anonymous]

15:43 from 9/11 here and yes, I have a DC at a "big 3". Not all my examples were from my own DC, some were from friends at other "big 3's". My DC has never had a nasty or cruel teacher, and never had one who scared him, but there have been a wide variety of communication styles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two words, OP: home school.

agree - and only on days when DC is in a good mood - or DC is likely to misinterpret how you're "redirecting" DC's behavior

Good luck in finding the school located in the Garden of Eden!

[Anonymous]

Well, "we don't throw blocks" is still fairly polite if you ask me. I have no problem with pharases or commands using the word "we." In fact, it's commonly used to show children it's the school's policy, or the classroom policy. So they should not blame the teacher! It's more likley to elicit cooperation when words like "we" are used.

I never said I had a problem with direct commands. I have a problem with raising voices and yelling. No teacher should be yelling at a child for benign incidents. I should followup to say we had a chat with the teacher and she has tempered her voice a bit. I'm hearing from the parents of other children, two others to be exact, that their children have also commented on how stern this teacher is. As for those who made snide comments such as "goodluck finding the schoollocated in the Garden of Eden" all I can say is that our school is as close to the Garden of Eden as we'll find on this earth and we are lucky for that. I'm sorry that your schools are in that other more hot and humid place, more to the south.

[Anonymous]

OP - I was feeling better reading your last comment and thinking that the voice of moderation had taken over. Until your last comment. Really unnecessary.

I do hope that you think about how attitude and behavior towards others will affect your child's relationships with other kids. If other parents find you offputting, you may see playdates few and far between.