Donor eggs

[Anonymous]

Why are donor eggs so relentlessly pushed onto women 40+, as if it's the same thing as conceiving with their own eggs?

I have a feeling it's the way by which the clinics maximize their profits from both donors and recipients.

[Anonymous]

Because egg quality and number diminish with age. So a 40 yo having a child with 28 year old donor eggs had the egg quality of a 28 yo, not a 40. yo. With that comes the lowered genetic risk for all sorts of things. Unlike men, women are born with all the eggs they will have. They do not make more. So 40 yo eggs are 40 years old. If a woman wants to carry a child and is older, donor eggs are a great way (albeit expensive) to try and have a healthy baby and diminish some of the miscarriage risks that older eggs carry.

It is not the same as your own genetic tissue, but many people who have done that or adoption will tell you that families are made and they love their children. In some ways it might be better than their own eggs, which in many cases have “failed” the woman with many miscarriages or not fertilizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are donor eggs so relentlessly pushed onto women 40+, as if it's the same thing as conceiving with their own eggs?

I have a feeling it's the way by which the clinics maximize their profits from both donors and recipients.

I think it's less about money and more about them wanting to see "success". obviously success is redefined but it's like hey don't really grasp the emotional toll fully. The REs I talked to about it were very blaise about the whole thing. They were genuinely surprised why I was resisting the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because egg quality and number diminish with age. So a 40 yo having a child with 28 year old donor eggs had the egg quality of a 28 yo, not a 40. yo. With that comes the lowered genetic risk for all sorts of things. Unlike men, women are born with all the eggs they will have. They do not make more. So 40 yo eggs are 40 years old. If a woman wants to carry a child and is older, donor eggs are a great way (albeit expensive) to try and have a healthy baby and diminish some of the miscarriage risks that older eggs carry.

It is not the same as your own genetic tissue, but many people who have done that or adoption will tell you that families are made and they love their children. In some ways it might be better than their own eggs, which in many cases have “failed” the woman with many miscarriages or not fertilizing.

sure it's better if you

1) completely ignore that you have zero genetic connection to your child and also
2) if you ignore that most egg donors are lower SES while recipients are in general more educated. education is highly heritable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because egg quality and number diminish with age. So a 40 yo having a child with 28 year old donor eggs had the egg quality of a 28 yo, not a 40. yo. With that comes the lowered genetic risk for all sorts of things. Unlike men, women are born with all the eggs they will have. They do not make more. So 40 yo eggs are 40 years old. If a woman wants to carry a child and is older, donor eggs are a great way (albeit expensive) to try and have a healthy baby and diminish some of the miscarriage risks that older eggs carry.

It is not the same as your own genetic tissue, but many people who have done that or adoption will tell you that families are made and they love their children. In some ways it might be better than their own eggs, which in many cases have “failed” the woman with many miscarriages or not fertilizing.

sure it's better if you

1) completely ignore that you have zero genetic connection to your child and also
2) if you ignore that most egg donors are lower SES while recipients are in general more educated. education is highly heritable.

OP here - thanks for this. PP wrote a spiel that everyone struggling with infertility already knows.
I think that tide will turn. I think new technologies will be invented to enable people to have genetic posterity. Of course, the clinics will make huge amounts of money off of that primal human need.

[Anonymous]

My friend has many failed rounds of IVF due to various health issues. She finally did donor eggs and was successful in conceiving twins. She’s so happy that I don’t even think she sits there and wonder about genetic connections.

[Anonymous]

My DE kids are my kids! I never think about their genes. They act (but they don't look) like my bio child because they were raised in the same family with the same values. The donor was of a lower SES but she was also an immigrant (like my low SES parents). Her SES probably has nothing to do with her intelligence and everything to do with her circumstances. Anyway, all of my kids are kind and sweet and are doing great academically. I couldn't care less about their genetic material.

[Anonymous]

So my eggs are old and crappy at 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has many failed rounds of IVF due to various health issues. She finally did donor eggs and was successful in conceiving twins. She’s so happy that I don’t even think she sits there and wonder about genetic connections.

a person who survived a car crash and only lost four fingers is probably very happy. doesn't mean that they wouldn't have preferred not to have been in the crash at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DE kids are my kids! I never think about their genes. They act (but they don't look) like my bio child because they were raised in the same family with the same values. The donor was of a lower SES but she was also an immigrant (like my low SES parents). Her SES probably has nothing to do with her intelligence and everything to do with her circumstances. Anyway, all of my kids are kind and sweet and are doing great academically. I couldn't care less about their genetic material.

Just curious - how much info are you able to know about the donor? Anyhow I have known several women who did egg donation and were not really a lower SES and were extremely intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DE kids are my kids! I never think about their genes. They act (but they don't look) like my bio child because they were raised in the same family with the same values. The donor was of a lower SES but she was also an immigrant (like my low SES parents). Her SES probably has nothing to do with her intelligence and everything to do with her circumstances. Anyway, all of my kids are kind and sweet and are doing great academically. I couldn't care less about their genetic material.

you don't think about your children's genes but people who have their genetic children often observe amazing similarities. it is an extra connection and extra dimension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DE kids are my kids! I never think about their genes. They act (but they don't look) like my bio child because they were raised in the same family with the same values. The donor was of a lower SES but she was also an immigrant (like my low SES parents). Her SES probably has nothing to do with her intelligence and everything to do with her circumstances. Anyway, all of my kids are kind and sweet and are doing great academically. I couldn't care less about their genetic material.

Just curious - how much info are you able to know about the donor? Anyhow I have known several women who did egg donation and were not really a lower SES and were extremely intelligent.

why would a highly intelligent woman do egg donation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my eggs are old and crappy at 40?

Yes -- this is news to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my eggs are old and crappy at 40?

They are not like the 20-year-olds, that's true. But that doesn't mean they are without potential, unless you have a sever case of DOR at like 30-years-old or have entered into a menopause. Don't let current IVF industry convince you into that - they want "success rates" and they can get them easy with donor eggs. Couple of donor rounds are a Porsche or a fancy vacation for an RE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend has many failed rounds of IVF due to various health issues. She finally did donor eggs and was successful in conceiving twins. She’s so happy that I don’t even think she sits there and wonder about genetic connections.

a person who survived a car crash and only lost four fingers is probably very happy. doesn't mean that they wouldn't have preferred not to have been in the crash at all.

I understand what you are trying to say. Donor eggs aren’t something I would be comfortable with and evidently not for you either. However, I believe that one can be genuinely happy with a donor egg scenario and not long for their own genetic offspring.