Would you give a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Last year, our kids school held a "Fall Family Festival" and we invited both sets of parents, but only the grandmothers came. The plan was to meet there (my husband arrived from work and met us there), but my mom drove with the kids and me since she spent the afternoon with me while the kids were in school. My MIL completely lost it and cried and got really upset with me and at my mom. It was a mess, really embarrassing and awkward, and ruined the whole night.

Our relationship had never been great to begin with (she's sort of jealous, controlling, insecure), but I don't think we fully recovered from that night. We are civil, but it's clear we will never be close. Now, with "Fall Family Festival" on the horizon again, and since my husband will have a work obligation and won't be attending, I'm thinking if only inviting my own parents this year, and maybe planning a cider mill trip when DH can attend or something.

Would you give a second chance? I'm torn. My good hearted nature says to give another chance, but my mind says to avoid the potential drama and embarrassment this year.

I need some advice from an outsider! Please!

[Anonymous]

Nope just invite your parents.

[Anonymous]

Just invite your mom. Plan something else for MIL.

[Anonymous]

I'd only invite your parents too. Clearly they know how to behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd only invite your parents too. Clearly they know how to behave.

This is OP, and that was my thought.

But what to tell ILs if they inevitably find out they weren't invited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd only invite your parents too. Clearly they know how to behave.

This is OP, and that was my thought.

But what to tell ILs if they inevitably find out they weren't invited?

"My mother and I were planning to drive together again this year and since that was so upsetting to you last year I thought you would prefer one-on-one time with me and the kids instead. So we're going to plan a cider mill trip just to see you."

[Anonymous]

I don't reward the bad behavior of my children, I certainly don't reward it of a 60yo. Not worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Although I want you to invite her just so I can hear what happens, that is not what you should do.

However, if it comes up you should say it was your DH's idea to do something else with her.

[Anonymous]

NFW. If she asks why tell her it was because she made such a scene.

Coddling histrionic people only makes them worse.

[Anonymous]

Don't mention it at all. Don't tell her you went and if she specifically asks, tell her you didn't go. Or tell her the truth that she behaved terribly last year and wasn't invited this year as a result. I'd probably lean toward not mentioning it and just planning the cider thiing.

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear, this adult woman CRIED because she had to come by herself while you drive your mother?

????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, this adult woman CRIED because she had to come by herself while you drive your mother?

????

This is OP.

There were a few tears after we asked her why she was sulking and pouting. She first accused me of purposefully leaving her out and then yelled at my mom about the same thing. She then cried to my DH (in public) because nobody could see her side. It was infuriating. We were all really upset she acted this way. We didn't talk for a few weeks (she wouldn't talk to us, rather.) It was all so high-drama.

I appreciate the dialogue suggestion. I know one of my kids will slip and mention it, maybe not, but I don't want to tell them to lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, this adult woman CRIED because she had to come by herself while you drive your mother?

????

This is OP.

There were a few tears after we asked her why she was sulking and pouting. She first accused me of purposefully leaving her out and then yelled at my mom about the same thing. She then cried to my DH (in public) because nobody could see her side. It was infuriating. We were all really upset she acted this way. We didn't talk for a few weeks (she wouldn't talk to us, rather.) It was all so high-drama.

I appreciate the dialogue suggestion. I know one of my kids will slip and mention it, maybe not, but I don't want to tell them to lie.

Pp you responded to.

I would be so offended at her behavior, that honestly I could not see any way to include her. I wouldn't plan any compensatory trip either. If she doesn't know how to behave, she can stay by herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, this adult woman CRIED because she had to come by herself while you drive your mother?

????

This is OP.

There were a few tears after we asked her why she was sulking and pouting. She first accused me of purposefully leaving her out and then yelled at my mom about the same thing. She then cried to my DH (in public) because nobody could see her side. It was infuriating. We were all really upset she acted this way. We didn't talk for a few weeks (she wouldn't talk to us, rather.) It was all so high-drama.

I appreciate the dialogue suggestion. I know one of my kids will slip and mention it, maybe not, but I don't want to tell them to lie.

Pp you responded to.

I would be so offended at her behavior, that honestly I could not see any way to include her. I wouldn't plan any compensatory trip either. If she doesn't know how to behave, she can stay by herself.

I still don't understand how she felt "left out" when she was invited to begin with, just because we didn't drive together. For some reason, she is very jealous of my mom and the time we spend together. Who knows.

I don't mind a trip to the cider mill, because I know the kids and my husband enjoy time with her.

[Anonymous]

Do the cider mill inviting now, so it doesn't look like an afterthought.

Just invite your mom and if asked simply say "you didn't enjoy it last year".