My husband won't give me 1 day off

[Anonymous]

I've been asking him for a break but he says it's impossible. He works and is in an MBA program. We have no family around. Everyday I'm taking care of the baby from morning until 8:30 pm. This is my schedule on weekends too. He called me selfish for wanting to take the day off. If our baby wasn't so difficult I don't think it would be a big deal. My baby cries a lot and I need to get away from the stress. I know he's going to be mad if I just take off for the day and it will be hard to enjoy it. I could hire a babysitter but I'd rather not because it's expensive. Our regular babysitter is also away for the summer.

[Anonymous]

Are you a SAHM? Hire the damn babysitter. What's worth more--extra cash or your sanity?

[Anonymous]

Hire a sitter. Perhaps 2 hours a day 3 days a week is better than 8 hours away from baby one day a week. If you can't get a sitter ask a relative or friend to give you some respite.

[Anonymous]

There are labor laws in this country and you can decide that they apply to you, too. For every eight hours you work, you're entitled to a half-hour lunch and two 20-minute breaks. If you're a stay-at-home mom with no help, you work 16 hours a day. That means you have 14 hours a week coming to you. If you take even half of that you're still not slacking off. Raising children is a valuable contribution to the world; you should be rewarded for that.

[Anonymous]

Get a babysitter three times a week for 4 hours or so. Go runs errands or something. I have a similar issue with dh. I actually started using the grocery money for a babysitter and cutting our food budget. He gave me more money. That said, go back to work asap. He doesn't respect you and it will get worse the longer you stay home

[Anonymous]

Op here: I can't get over the fact he thinks I'm selfish because I need breaks. This is what is really bothering me. I will be a better mother, on all levels, if I get breaks. He knows how difficult the baby is. Any sane person would need a break from this.

[Anonymous]

for those of you with husbands like this, is it about the money? holy shit thats reason enough to not be a SAHM. I can't imagine my husband telling me I can't spend $30 on a sitter for my sanity. You need to get this DHs in line now, especially if you think you will have another child.it will only get 10,000 times harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I can't get over the fact he thinks I'm selfish because I need breaks. This is what is really bothering me. I will be a better mother, on all levels, if I get breaks. He knows how difficult the baby is. Any sane person would need a break from this.

Well to be fair, if he's working and going to school--presumably at night--and getting home around the time the baby is going down then he's probably assuming your schedules are similar. Does he have things he's expected to do around the house on the weekends or does he get to rest? I can imagine he thinks he's busy with work, school and household and you are equally busy with baby so it evens out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those of you with husbands like this, is it about the money? holy shit thats reason enough to not be a SAHM. I can't imagine my husband telling me I can't spend $30 on a sitter for my sanity. You need to get this DHs in line now, especially if you think you will have another child.it will only get 10,000 times harder.

It's a little bit of this and guilt. My baby has a hard time with strangers. And I want my husband to be more supportive. He sees that I am struggling but doesn't care. On Mother's Day he told Mother's Day is not important to him. My mom passed away a few years ago. He can be so insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I can't get over the fact he thinks I'm selfish because I need breaks. This is what is really bothering me. I will be a better mother, on all levels, if I get breaks. He knows how difficult the baby is. Any sane person would need a break from this.

Well to be fair, if he's working and going to school--presumably at night--and getting home around the time the baby is going down then he's probably assuming your schedules are similar. Does he have things he's expected to do around the house on the weekends or does he get to rest? I can imagine he thinks he's busy with work, school and household and you are equally busy with baby so it evens out.

The weekends are the same as weekdays. He leaves all day.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a gym membership that includes free babysitting so you get a break every day? That's my sanity as a SAHM.

Also, I really think you guys need to see a marriage counselor. His attitude here is really concerning and is going to lead to lots more problems. You guys are a team and your contribution is just as important.

[Anonymous]

Instead of asking your DH to give you a "break", hire a sitter to come regularly two or three times a week for 4 hours. That's what I did when the kids were little and it saved my sanity and probably marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those of you with husbands like this, is it about the money? holy shit thats reason enough to not be a SAHM. I can't imagine my husband telling me I can't spend $30 on a sitter for my sanity. You need to get this DHs in line now, especially if you think you will have another child.it will only get 10,000 times harder.

It's a little bit of this and guilt. My baby has a hard time with strangers. And I want my husband to be more supportive. He sees that I am struggling but doesn't care. On Mother's Day he told Mother's Day is not important to him. My mom passed away a few years ago. He can be so insensitive.

Why did you marry this guy? This could not be new behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you posted here before. I feel like I've heard this in the same voice.

[Anonymous]

He sounds (emotionally) abusive. It doesn't get better.