Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

Exhibit A: Person who would never make it in the workforce. ^^^^

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

[Anonymous]

44 pages of women against women. How sad. We should empower each other.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I wasnt the poster you were responding to, just an observer really disgusted with your ableism. I also know mothers who are disabled and your comment reeks of bigotry. Go crawl back to the hole you came out of.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:44 pages of women against women. How sad. We should empower each other.

It’s actually a ton of women for women, and then a few bitter souls who jumped into our thread, to put us down.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

It’s really sad that you are insinuating that it disabled person is incompetent.

The thread is about women who have enough money to stay home, but still work.

This isn’t a threat about why women stand home.

We work because we want to.

Nobody’s upset, except for you and if you stay at her moms, who have jumped onto this thread, that different people make different choices.

This isn’t about women who are incredibly fortunate to stay at home. This is about women who are incredibly fortunate to help amazing jobs, even though they could stay at home.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

They were siblings. One was an infant, one was not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

+1

And beyond all those, there is just the basic "I can't go back to answering to someone else, having my work reviewed, or the possibility of getting fired." That is a different kind of stress, and plenty of people can't handle it.

This stance is not an option for poor people of course.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

Long rant for something this thread isn't even about

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

Long rant for something this thread isn't even about

No, it’s exactly what this thread is about. OP asked wealthy women why they chose to keep working when they don’t have to. What ensued were lot of insults and attacks on women who didn’t make the same choice whether it was to keep working or to be a stay at home mother.

When you make a decision own it, but don’t expect everyone to be wowed by it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

Long rant for something this thread isn't even about

Are you new here? Every single thread ends up derailing. No thread stays with exactly with the original post and topic.

[Anonymous]

I'll go. DH and I both come from generational wealth and have worked for approx. 20 years (we are 43 and 45). I will continue to work for a million reasons but the highlights are:
- Genuinely love my job (big 4 consulting; I like the subject matter, my clients, and the substantive work).
- Continuing to build nest egg for my kids and not being the generation that drops the ball. Although I recognize that family money got us to where we are today (paid for education), I'd be embarrassed to be living on what we inherited rather than what we earn.
- The biggest one: my daughters and, to a lesser extent, my young female colleagues. I am beyond disappointed by my friends who are smarter, better educated, and (formerly) higher earning than their husbands but who have chosen to SAH. I fight the gender battle every. single. day. at work and I don't think these women appreciate the larger repercussions of their decisions. They make hiring, retention, and promotion SO much harder for their daughters when they embody the stereotypes/expectations that I am always fighting against. At this point most of my friends are no longer working or have "mom" jobs (self-employed consultants, tutors, etc.), and maybe I am crazy but I hate that my young daughters are growing up in a world where they see that, where they unconsciously internalize it and what it may mean about them, and where in the workforce they will have to battle expectations not that different from what my mom fought in the 80s. That is insane to me, and it is really difficult for me to understand how my friends don't see that and what sort of example/precedent they are setting.
- I hate cooking, gardening, and cleaning, and having a job gives me an excuse to outsource them.
- Prestige. This is probably a DC/NY/SF-specific thing, but it makes me very proud to tell people my job. I especially love watching men who completely underestimate me, and saying something snappy to the (typically older) women who rudely check in all the time to see if I am still working. They are ALL expecting that at some point I'm going to cave and join my friends, which I guess gets back to the point above about feeling like those of us working are trying to carry the mantle for our daughters.

I get that in a Barbie world, it would be liberating for women to have the choice whether to remain in or leave the workforce. But men aren't doing it; so until they are, all the women doing it -- even those who feel like they have "earned it" or like it is temporary or for their kids -- disappoint me. And don't get me started on the women who are staying at home to raise the next female CEO/president -- unless they are idiots, they are lying to themselves if they don't see that this is a self-perpetuating cycle.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

Don’t change the subject. Who let a disabled woman who cannot work take home not one, but two kids? Share the agency or it didn’t happen. You need to expand your trolling repertoire to make it somewhat believable.

I can see an agency willing to have a wealthy slightly disabled woman take on two kids, especially if those kids had special needs or were generally hard to adopt.

But, back to the point of this thread. Women prefer working because the work is satisfying, it's a way of doing good in the world, the woman is really good at her job, work provides mental stimulation, work provides prestige, etc.
Women who don't work do not prefer working because they'd rather stay at home, they're incompetent (whether temperamentally or physically), they believe they'll never get divorced, they believe their husbands will never lose their jobs, they believe their husbands will never become disabled, they believe their husbands have enough saved for them and their retirement, they think that they can go back into the workforce at a high enough income level to support their families if need be, or they would rather just not think about the "what ifs."

Or maybe they just like being present stay at home mothers? Why do these women have to somehow be incompetent? This isn’t the 1950s when one income was enough to provide for a family of six or you could buy a ranch right by the ocean in Long Beach, CA for the equivalent of $150,000 (2024 money). The cost of living has gone up dramatically since the 1950s. These days most families are forced to be dual income.

It’s incredibly lucky in today’s economy for a mother (or father) to be able to stay at home. The women who choose to stay at home in these circumstances have different values and different views on what is most important than the women who chose to work under the same financial circumstances.

What’s interesting to me is how upset everyone seems to be that people make different choices. If we all felt the same way, we would all make the same choices. But it seems like both sides want an award or something. Or to be more precise, they want the women who chose differently to secretly envy them or something. They don’t, else they would have done the same.

There is no need for insults or calling others incompetent because they don’t agree with your decisions. When you make a choice you do it for yourself and your family, not so that other women will envy you or be amazed.

We never are.

It’s really sad that you are insinuating that it disabled person is incompetent.

The thread is about women who have enough money to stay home, but still work.

This isn’t a threat about why women stand home.

We work because we want to.

Nobody’s upset, except for you and if you stay at her moms, who have jumped onto this thread, that different people make different choices.

This isn’t about women who are incredibly fortunate to stay at home. This is about women who are incredibly fortunate to help amazing jobs, even though they could stay at home.

I thought she was referring to people calling SAHMs incompetent, not the disabled moms. I don’t think anyone was putting down disabled people.

One person seems to doubt that a disabled single person would qualify to adopt. I have no horse in this race but that is how I read it.