Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Dammit…I just wanted to check my email.
Why did I let myself get roped into this for 20 minutes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

This seems like kind of a weird thing to say.

I work in mental health. I’m a working mom, and my family functions better than a lot of my patients who grew up in very dysfunctional families and are dealing with mental illness. But I don’t say that. What would that accomplish besides you being kind of an ash hole?

People are doing the best they can. It isn’t a competition. You can say the pros and cons of your own situation without putting down someone else.

It's interesting you decided to respond to that post instead of the one that says "I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent".

Could you explain why you were compelled to respond to the post you responded to instead of the one it was addressing?

Yes. The one saying that many families would function better with a SAHP is referring to that person’s opinion of a before and after of the same family. You can agree or disagree and decide whether it’s really true for you. It’s kind of like saying, “I think that people look more attractive when they dye their hair blonde.”

The other one is making a comparison between families. Most of the back and forth here is people saying some version of, “well, actually I like my hair brown, blue, purple, etc, and this is why…”.
This poster seemed to agree that life is easier with a SAHP, but then went on to say that she was still a better parent with that handicap. Kind of like saying, “I think that really bothers some blondes to know that there are women who don’t dye their hair and are just as beautiful if not more so.”

No she refers to families she does not know and says those families who work would function better if they stayed at home.

If she said my family functions better with me at home… cool beans.

She’s actually making a judgement on working families and saying they don’t function well and they would function better if the wife didn’t work.

She’s wrong. I pointed out that her assertion that working families would run better with a SAHP is based in fantasy, and is a judgement.

But your response tells me more about you than you probably cared to share. Tsk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think really hard about what you’re asking here, OP. It’s 2024. What if we asked all the DHs out there why they still work even if their wife makes a lot of money?

If my income alone was in 7 figures, DH would quit instantly. You make a good point about asking if men want to work because I think so many would love to dedicate their time to other things (some in and some out of the home). We just hear the voices of those saying they would always have a job but I think a lot would be very grateful for at the very least, a hiatus. Like other pps, our end goal is FIRE with less than zero apprehension of how to fill our time.

Of all the people I know where the wife makes enough for the H to stay home, and the h is employable none of the H’s stay home.

I have 1 SAHD friend, he is a great dad, I love him to death, but he’d even tell you he is unemployable.

My friend group is pretty religious and conservative with a lot of SAHP. I would say about 1/3 of the families with a SAHP have a SAHD.

I can also only think of one SAHD I know outside of this community.

I think that when raising children is considered valuable in your friend group and community at large, more men tend to take it on.

What % of those SAHD say they stay home in part to make things pleasant in the home and to have a happy wife? Curious if the thinking flips that far.

Your are misquoting me. I said DH comes home to a happy family. I never said that I do it to have a happy husband. I do it for me and the kids, not necessarily DH.

My husband will say happy wife is a happy life though. We say this in our house all the time. I never say happy husband happy life.

He just needs to go make the money, amirite? Gross.

He probably does everything your husband does except he makes more money. DH is one of the most highly competent human beings. He is like one of those super moms except he is super dad. DH is good at everything including parenting. He is a very trustworthy and loyal person and super smart and capable. He is well liked by all.

We are lucky to have him. I feel so lucky right now. I’ve wasted enough time on this site. I’m going to get dinner ready. Dh is on his way home now and I will welcome him with a big hug and kiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

This seems like kind of a weird thing to say.

I work in mental health. I’m a working mom, and my family functions better than a lot of my patients who grew up in very dysfunctional families and are dealing with mental illness. But I don’t say that. What would that accomplish besides you being kind of an ash hole?

People are doing the best they can. It isn’t a competition. You can say the pros and cons of your own situation without putting down someone else.

It's interesting you decided to respond to that post instead of the one that says "I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent".

Could you explain why you were compelled to respond to the post you responded to instead of the one it was addressing?

Yes. The one saying that many families would function better with a SAHP is referring to that person’s opinion of a before and after of the same family. You can agree or disagree and decide whether it’s really true for you. It’s kind of like saying, “I think that people look more attractive when they dye their hair blonde.”

The other one is making a comparison between families. Most of the back and forth here is people saying some version of, “well, actually I like my hair brown, blue, purple, etc, and this is why…”.
This poster seemed to agree that life is easier with a SAHP, but then went on to say that she was still a better parent with that handicap. Kind of like saying, “I think that really bothers some blondes to know that there are women who don’t dye their hair and are just as beautiful if not more so.”

No she refers to families she does not know and says those families who work would function better if they stayed at home.

If she said my family functions better with me at home… cool beans.

She’s actually making a judgement on working families and saying they don’t function well and they would function better if the wife didn’t work.

She’s wrong. I pointed out that her assertion that working families would run better with a SAHP is based in fantasy, and is a judgement.

But your response tells me more about you than you probably cared to share. Tsk!

What does my post tell you about me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

This seems like kind of a weird thing to say.

I work in mental health. I’m a working mom, and my family functions better than a lot of my patients who grew up in very dysfunctional families and are dealing with mental illness. But I don’t say that. What would that accomplish besides you being kind of an ash hole?

People are doing the best they can. It isn’t a competition. You can say the pros and cons of your own situation without putting down someone else.

It's interesting you decided to respond to that post instead of the one that says "I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent".

Could you explain why you were compelled to respond to the post you responded to instead of the one it was addressing?

Yes. The one saying that many families would function better with a SAHP is referring to that person’s opinion of a before and after of the same family. You can agree or disagree and decide whether it’s really true for you. It’s kind of like saying, “I think that people look more attractive when they dye their hair blonde.”

The other one is making a comparison between families. Most of the back and forth here is people saying some version of, “well, actually I like my hair brown, blue, purple, etc, and this is why…”.
This poster seemed to agree that life is easier with a SAHP, but then went on to say that she was still a better parent with that handicap. Kind of like saying, “I think that really bothers some blondes to know that there are women who don’t dye their hair and are just as beautiful if not more so.”

No she refers to families she does not know and says those families who work would function better if they stayed at home.

If she said my family functions better with me at home… cool beans.

She’s actually making a judgement on working families and saying they don’t function well and they would function better if the wife didn’t work.

She’s wrong. I pointed out that her assertion that working families would run better with a SAHP is based in fantasy, and is a judgement.

But your response tells me more about you than you probably cared to share. Tsk!

What does my post tell you about me?

You’ll twist yourself in pretzels to find an angle that you think supports your biased opinion but highlights your bias but you’re too stubborn to admit it.

You can’t argue your way out of a bag but you’ll argue about anything .

You’re probably ADD which is why you kissed the obvious.

I’m also not the first person that told you this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

This seems like kind of a weird thing to say.

I work in mental health. I’m a working mom, and my family functions better than a lot of my patients who grew up in very dysfunctional families and are dealing with mental illness. But I don’t say that. What would that accomplish besides you being kind of an ash hole?

People are doing the best they can. It isn’t a competition. You can say the pros and cons of your own situation without putting down someone else.

It's interesting you decided to respond to that post instead of the one that says "I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent".

Could you explain why you were compelled to respond to the post you responded to instead of the one it was addressing?

Yes. The one saying that many families would function better with a SAHP is referring to that person’s opinion of a before and after of the same family. You can agree or disagree and decide whether it’s really true for you. It’s kind of like saying, “I think that people look more attractive when they dye their hair blonde.”

The other one is making a comparison between families. Most of the back and forth here is people saying some version of, “well, actually I like my hair brown, blue, purple, etc, and this is why…”.
This poster seemed to agree that life is easier with a SAHP, but then went on to say that she was still a better parent with that handicap. Kind of like saying, “I think that really bothers some blondes to know that there are women who don’t dye their hair and are just as beautiful if not more so.”

No she refers to families she does not know and says those families who work would function better if they stayed at home.

If she said my family functions better with me at home… cool beans.

She’s actually making a judgement on working families and saying they don’t function well and they would function better if the wife didn’t work.

She’s wrong. I pointed out that her assertion that working families would run better with a SAHP is based in fantasy, and is a judgement.

But your response tells me more about you than you probably cared to share. Tsk!

What does my post tell you about me?

You’ll twist yourself in pretzels to find an angle that you think supports your biased opinion but highlights your bias but you’re too stubborn to admit it.

You can’t argue your way out of a bag but you’ll argue about anything .

You’re probably ADD which is why you kissed the obvious.

I’m also not the first person that told you this.

Oh. What is my opinion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think really hard about what you’re asking here, OP. It’s 2024. What if we asked all the DHs out there why they still work even if their wife makes a lot of money?

If my income alone was in 7 figures, DH would quit instantly. You make a good point about asking if men want to work because I think so many would love to dedicate their time to other things (some in and some out of the home). We just hear the voices of those saying they would always have a job but I think a lot would be very grateful for at the very least, a hiatus. Like other pps, our end goal is FIRE with less than zero apprehension of how to fill our time.

Of all the people I know where the wife makes enough for the H to stay home, and the h is employable none of the H’s stay home.

I have 1 SAHD friend, he is a great dad, I love him to death, but he’d even tell you he is unemployable.

My friend group is pretty religious and conservative with a lot of SAHP. I would say about 1/3 of the families with a SAHP have a SAHD.

I can also only think of one SAHD I know outside of this community.

I think that when raising children is considered valuable in your friend group and community at large, more men tend to take it on.

What % of those SAHD say they stay home in part to make things pleasant in the home and to have a happy wife? Curious if the thinking flips that far.

Your are misquoting me. I said DH comes home to a happy family. I never said that I do it to have a happy husband. I do it for me and the kids, not necessarily DH.

My husband will say happy wife is a happy life though. We say this in our house all the time. I never say happy husband happy life.

He just needs to go make the money, amirite? Gross.

He probably does everything your husband does except he makes more money. DH is one of the most highly competent human beings. He is like one of those super moms except he is super dad. DH is good at everything including parenting. He is a very trustworthy and loyal person and super smart and capable. He is well liked by all.

We are lucky to have him. I feel so lucky right now. I’ve wasted enough time on this site. I’m going to get dinner ready. Dh is on his way home now and I will welcome him with a big hug and kiss.

More overcompensating from the SAHMs. So bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

This seems like kind of a weird thing to say.

I work in mental health. I’m a working mom, and my family functions better than a lot of my patients who grew up in very dysfunctional families and are dealing with mental illness. But I don’t say that. What would that accomplish besides you being kind of an ash hole?

People are doing the best they can. It isn’t a competition. You can say the pros and cons of your own situation without putting down someone else.

It's interesting you decided to respond to that post instead of the one that says "I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent".

Could you explain why you were compelled to respond to the post you responded to instead of the one it was addressing?

Yes. The one saying that many families would function better with a SAHP is referring to that person’s opinion of a before and after of the same family. You can agree or disagree and decide whether it’s really true for you. It’s kind of like saying, “I think that people look more attractive when they dye their hair blonde.”

The other one is making a comparison between families. Most of the back and forth here is people saying some version of, “well, actually I like my hair brown, blue, purple, etc, and this is why…”.
This poster seemed to agree that life is easier with a SAHP, but then went on to say that she was still a better parent with that handicap. Kind of like saying, “I think that really bothers some blondes to know that there are women who don’t dye their hair and are just as beautiful if not more so.”

No she refers to families she does not know and says those families who work would function better if they stayed at home.

If she said my family functions better with me at home… cool beans.

She’s actually making a judgement on working families and saying they don’t function well and they would function better if the wife didn’t work.

She’s wrong. I pointed out that her assertion that working families would run better with a SAHP is based in fantasy, and is a judgement.

But your response tells me more about you than you probably cared to share. Tsk!

What does my post tell you about me?

You’ll twist yourself in pretzels to find an angle that you think supports your biased opinion but highlights your bias but you’re too stubborn to admit it.

You can’t argue your way out of a bag but you’ll argue about anything .

You’re probably ADD which is why you kissed the obvious.

I’m also not the first person that told you this.

Oh. What is my opinion?

Go read your own post ADD gal. Actually don’t, go for a walk, talk to your h.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

I agree with this. I think many families would function better with a stay at home parent. It’s fine if neither parent wants to stay at home, but there are a lot of families who wish they could afford a sahp and make the difficult sacrifice to work and prioritize their family’s financial well being. When a sahp claims they wouldn’t have time to work, that’s ridiculous and is a jab at the people who do everything you do to run a home and life, but also work full time. We all have the same number of hours in the day. You either don’t have to work or choose not to.

I actual think most families don’t function better with a SAHM.

I think that really bothers some SAHM’s to know some women work and run their house better/same and see their kids just as much,

I’m one of the SAHMs on this thread. It doesn’t bother me at all. Many of my friends work. Most of my kids’ parents work. I don’t necessarily think their house is run better but everyone does what they think is best for their family.

And there you have it. You have to believe they don’t run the same/better for done reason based in your own insecurities.

You are misunderstanding my post. We know many different families. I would say everyone we know is relatively successful. Everyone has money. Everyone has help. A good nanny will be better than a bad mother I guess. I truly sincerely believe a mom being home with her baby is better for the child. This is not insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

And I think staying home is a cop out for people who can't hack it in the real world. That's not my insecurity. This is just my personal feelings.

See how that works?

You really think a woman who graduated from college, worked for years and got a very high earning man to fall in love with her can’t hack it in the real world? She couldn’t manage some basic job like real estate agent or store manager or executive assistant or something? Come on. You know she can hack it, but doesn’t have to for financial reasons. None of those jobs is fascinating and most real world jobs aren’t. People do them because they need the money.

Obviously, she’s not Marie Curie, but neither are you.

Maybe.

But I have friends who can’t. I have one Harvard educated friend who just can’t work but who cares she has a trust fund and had a nanny. Her children are amazing.

You think everyone can work? Nobody has anxiety so badly they can’t. You’ve never heard of a PhD who just can do school but work… not so much? You don’t know anybody who is disabled.

Come on now.

No, I’ve never known a highly educated woman who had previously been in a demanding job in the workforce being unable to currently work on account of anxiety. But I have known lots of rich women who don’t want to put up with many of the menial, boring aspects of work because they don’t have to. I’m assuming that you’d rather think they were disabled rather than highly privileged.

I know both. There are plenty of disabled people out there who can't work. Come on man, 1 in 4 women are raped as kids and have complex PTSD, do you know how many lawyers are alcoholics?

Now you are bringing in disabled women who stay home???

Do you not know any disabled people who are also mothers?

Are you think saying disabled is an insult?

I actually don’t think I know any disabled people who are mothers. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. We live in a very affluent neighborhood and I can’t think of any disabled mothers. There are some who have cancer or ill. I do not consider them disabled.

Intersecting. Yes a woman can be disabled and a mother. I actually have 1 friend who was not going to become a parent but became disabled at 38 and decided since she couldn’t work she adopted 2 children.

But I do know other disabled women who have children.

Actually my brother is disabled and has children.

Please do share which agency would let a disabled woman who was unable to work adopt two children.

So many able bodied people with jobs can’t adopt and yet, somewhere out that some agency is handing out multiple kids to disabled ladies on disability. Wow!

What a disgusting comment. You need to expand your circle beyond sahms because this is pretty gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think really hard about what you’re asking here, OP. It’s 2024. What if we asked all the DHs out there why they still work even if their wife makes a lot of money?

If my income alone was in 7 figures, DH would quit instantly. You make a good point about asking if men want to work because I think so many would love to dedicate their time to other things (some in and some out of the home). We just hear the voices of those saying they would always have a job but I think a lot would be very grateful for at the very least, a hiatus. Like other pps, our end goal is FIRE with less than zero apprehension of how to fill our time.

Of all the people I know where the wife makes enough for the H to stay home, and the h is employable none of the H’s stay home.

I have 1 SAHD friend, he is a great dad, I love him to death, but he’d even tell you he is unemployable.

My friend group is pretty religious and conservative with a lot of SAHP. I would say about 1/3 of the families with a SAHP have a SAHD.

I can also only think of one SAHD I know outside of this community.

I think that when raising children is considered valuable in your friend group and community at large, more men tend to take it on.

What % of those SAHD say they stay home in part to make things pleasant in the home and to have a happy wife? Curious if the thinking flips that far.

Your are misquoting me. I said DH comes home to a happy family. I never said that I do it to have a happy husband. I do it for me and the kids, not necessarily DH.

My husband will say happy wife is a happy life though. We say this in our house all the time. I never say happy husband happy life.

He just needs to go make the money, amirite? Gross.

He probably does everything your husband does except he makes more money. DH is one of the most highly competent human beings. He is like one of those super moms except he is super dad. DH is good at everything including parenting. He is a very trustworthy and loyal person and super smart and capable. He is well liked by all.

We are lucky to have him. I feel so lucky right now. I’ve wasted enough time on this site. I’m going to get dinner ready. Dh is on his way home now and I will welcome him with a big hug and kiss.

More overcompensating from the SAHMs. So bizarre.

I wouldn't generalize about other SAHMs, but the lol lady above is FOS. I don't believe anything she says. Why come on a thread asking working moms about their work and spout this nonsense? Weirdo.