Major family upheavel over religion....don't know what to do.
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Anonymous
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Long drawn out story made short, I am one of 4. Parents live nearby. Very traditional Protestant old guard-y type family. Youngest brother who lives in another state announced he is getting engaged. We were/are all thrilled as at 35 we were wondering when that might happen. He did not tell my parents right away his fiance is Jewish but broke it to hem when he came up to DC. All shit hit the fan. This was almost 2 months ago my parents said they will not go to the wedding and do not want to meet her, that no one has ever married outside our faith.
I did go down and meet her last month and she is lovely and mostly she makes my brother so happy. I have tried talking to my parents over and over. They are not budging. My other two siblings are somewhat on their side but are more open. I asked my mother if she agreed (the fiance) to convert would that make them happy? She said yes that would be the only way they can accept this marriage. My brother has called them a few times but they will not speak to him. His fiance however does not want to convert and anytime someone asks them about kids down the road and religion, they say they will have to wait and see and are not ready to talk about that. My brother desperately wants their approval but will go on with the engagement with or without. I am trying my best to get them to meet in the middle. I want to meet his fiance to discuss the option of her converting. Do you think this is wrong? All she has to say is no but I got the feeling last time we spoke she could possibly be open to it. I just want everyone to be accepting of this situation as they really are in love. I think my parents are being asses about it. Even if she converts it is likely she will always resent them for it. Has anyone had a simliar situation? |
Anonymous
| WTF is wrong with you? You don't get to discuss her converting. Mind your own damn business. Your brother is totally within his rights to cut you all off. |
Anonymous
| Speak to her to see if this is something she wants to do. People convert all the time out of love. Many Jewish families insists a daughter or future son in law convert. Not unusual. It has to be because they want to, though that is the key. |
Anonymous
| Your family is wrong and acting like self righteous prigs. I hope brother cuts you all off. |
Anonymous
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I think you trying to intervene and convince her to convert is a bad idea. Your parents are in the wrong here, clearly, and trying to get the fiancée to meet them halfway 1. makes you complicit in the bs your parents are pulling and 2. could very well put you at odds with your brother and this woman.
It's not 1750 any more, and no one should be dragged into conversion to please the small minded. |
Anonymous
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Why are you trying to be the peacemaker? Your parents are making their choice, accept it. It's ultimately their loss. Your brother has chosen who will make him happy...just focus on that.
Your parents may eventually come around. |
Anonymous
Where we live (heavily Jewish) I hear often about a Jewish son marrying a non Jew and the wife being pressured to convert, hear it often in fact. This is really no different. IT happens. Different religion, same bullshit. |
Anonymous
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Your parents are not acting very Christian, are they? How can they get upset over this interfaith marriage if they can't abide by the basic precepts of Christianity in the first place? Really? They aren't going to meet a woman because she's Jewish? Do they snub other Jewish people, too?
They need to learn to manage their anger and their fear better. They need to focus on that unconditional love of their son that they are supposed to have. Absolutely do not push talk of converting. There should be no compulsion in religion. That is such an intimate, personal choice. |
Anonymous
I was going to say something to this effect. For all you know, HER parents are unhappy that she is marrying out of the faith and she wants HIM to convert to Judaism. How would you parents take that? |
Anonymous
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Religion and spirituality are highly personal. How would you feel if someone tried to convince you to give up the faith you have in Christ to convert to Judaism? Or Islam? Or Hinduism? This is no different.
Your parents are 100% wrong. You can best help by making it clear that you support your brother's decision. By being kind to your new SIL. By including her in family events. And by standing up for her to your parents. If you claim to be a Christian, the best way to demonstrate that is by being a kind, loving, accepting, and compassionate person. |
Anonymous
| Kids will be Jewish. Most Jewish women will not convert. |
Anonymous
| Your brother should convert to Judiasm. Good times! |
Anonymous
Exactly, and OP's parents understand this fact, even if OP doesn't. Period. |
Anonymous
| If Christianity were important to your brother, he would have found a Christian woman to marry. Your parents need to accept that it just isn't a huge deal to him. |
Anonymous
| Good grief, don't get involved, OP. Just be kind and compassionate towards everyone involved and stay the heck out of the controversy. This could be the advice for 90% of the people on this site. |