Major family upheavel over religion....don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF is wrong with you? You don't get to discuss her converting. Mind your own damn business. Your brother is totally within his rights to cut you all off.

+1,000,000. Your whole family is the problem. The only problem. Gross.

The couple is just fine as they are.

[Anonymous]

OP, will your parents be able to love their Jewish grandchildren? I sure hope open their hearts, or they will lose out.

[Anonymous]

Kids will most likely be raised Jewish, after all, the traditions are kept by women, and if mom is Jewish, so are kids. Brother probably doesn't care and might be sick of his "devout" Christian hypocrite parents and family. Most likely fiancee was honest with him from the start that she will never convert and he still pursued her knowing this. Also, who the heck do you think you are, telling somebody they should convert to please your parents? Have you spared a thought to her parents and her beliefs?

[Anonymous]

myob OP. The children will likely be Jewish and if you want to have a good relationship with them you need to shut up about converting. although I don't love the cultural assumption that a non-jewish woman will convert to judaism, it's a totally different thing from a wasp insiting that the DIL convert because they are anti-semitic.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it except to tell your brother you love and support him no matter what. Your parents aren't helping matters even if the goal is to keep him within the faith

[Anonymous]

I was in the reverse situation: Protestant fiancee marrying into a Reform Jewish family. I also had no interest in converting to please my new in-laws since my family has been Protestant going back to Martin Luther. My then fiance, now DH of 25+ years, was fine with me not converting and we ended up raising our kids interfaith. If you want to have a good relationship with your brother and SIL and their future, you will stay out of this situation. Let your parents have their feelings but you do not need to say anything in support of either side. Your brother will marry this woman who makes him very happy and they will have a happy life together with or without you and your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in the reverse situation: Protestant fiancee marrying into a Reform Jewish family. I also had no interest in converting to please my new in-laws since my family has been Protestant going back to Martin Luther. My then fiance, now DH of 25+ years, was fine with me not converting and we ended up raising our kids interfaith. If you want to have a good relationship with your brother and SIL and their future, you will stay out of this situation. Let your parents have their feelings but you do not need to say anything in support of either side. Your brother will marry this woman who makes him very happy and they will have a happy life together with or without you and your parents.

*future children

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling bad for any yet-to-born Jewish grandchildren who will have anti-Semitic grandparents.

I agree with everyone above. Just stay out of it. It's up to your brother and his fiancé as to how they will accommodate any religious differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling bad for any yet-to-born Jewish grandchildren who will have anti-Semitic grandparents.

I agree with everyone above. Just stay out of it. It's up to your brother and his fiancé as to how they will accommodate any religious differences.

What do you call Jewish grandparents who don't want their grandchildren being raised Christian?

[Anonymous]

OP here my brother is not religious but is extremely loyal to our family/parents. I know despite what he says he will have a very hard time to move forward without our parents blessing. Wrong or right that is the way it is. And they know that.

My parents are not anti Semites, they ARE very staunch int heir beliefs and admittedly very "old school", they think a Protestant shoudl marry a Protestant, etc..they are not right but that is what they think.

I, nor my brother are religious.

I decided to not do anything, just offer my support.I have learned in the last hour that the told my oldest brother she (fiance) is considering converting. I will not say a word (my husband has begged me to stay out) and let it play out. Thank you for your advice, hoping for a happy peaceful ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling bad for any yet-to-born Jewish grandchildren who will have anti-Semitic grandparents.

I agree with everyone above. Just stay out of it. It's up to your brother and his fiancé as to how they will accommodate any religious differences.

Who said they were anti-Semitic? They are probably anti-Protestant and would be upset with any marriage to a Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim spouse. There might also be prejudice against other Protestant denominations beside their own, too.

[Anonymous]

You tell your parents this is their son's choice, and if they want a hope of seeing their grandkids someday, they should rethink their position. It is not your place to try to talk your future SIL into converting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here my brother is not religious but is extremely loyal to our family/parents. I know despite what he says he will have a very hard time to move forward without our parents blessing. Wrong or right that is the way it is. And they know that.

My parents are not anti Semites, they ARE very staunch int heir beliefs and admittedly very "old school", they think a Protestant shoudl marry a Protestant, etc..they are not right but that is what they think.

I, nor my brother are religious.

I decided to not do anything, just offer my support.I have learned in the last hour that the told my oldest brother she (fiance) is considering converting. I will not say a word (my husband has begged me to stay out) and let it play out. Thank you for your advice, hoping for a happy peaceful ending.

Why don't you substitute race or ethnic origin for religion in what you just wrote and then come back to us and justify your parents' prejudices. You are deluded and an enabler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here my brother is not religious but is extremely loyal to our family/parents. I know despite what he says he will have a very hard time to move forward without our parents blessing. Wrong or right that is the way it is. And they know that.

My parents are not anti Semites, they ARE very staunch int heir beliefs and admittedly very "old school", they think a Protestant shoudl marry a Protestant, etc..they are not right but that is what they think.

I, nor my brother are religious.

I decided to not do anything, just offer my support.I have learned in the last hour that the told my oldest brother she (fiance) is considering converting. I will not say a word (my husband has begged me to stay out) and let it play out. Thank you for your advice, hoping for a happy peaceful ending.

She could change her mind several times. How unfortunate that she is under this pressure from your family. When her family finds out, they will start pushing back and there will be hard feelings between the two sets of grandparents from the start. Best to say nothing, as you are doing. You sound like a loving sister and daughter. Just show friendliness and unconditional acceptance to your future SIL; she really needs it.

[Anonymous]

Just stop.

FWIW, part of my family pulled this shit when I was a Protestant marrying a Catholic. They got over it by the wedding. If they hadn't, well...their choice.