Together for the kids

[Anonymous]

Feels like an albatross. There is no happy solution. I cannot believe that I have to swallow 10 more years.

Just a vent and a depressing reality check.

If you are not married, DON'T DO IT if you have any reservations at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feels like an albatross. There is no happy solution. I cannot believe that I have to swallow 10 more years.

Just a vent and a depressing reality check.

If you are not married, DON'T DO IT if you have any reservations at all

Honey, is that you?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

[Young40]

I hear you. It's depressing. The thought of not seeing your kids every day is probably depressing too. As well as moving out of your house, living on less money, etc. not to mention what if things turn nasty and you end up fighting over the kids. Sometimes it's just easier to suck it up and maintain the status quo. But that does not mean that you will be happy doing it. (

[Anonymous]

So why can't you have your ideal scenario, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

I'm not saying you should get divorced. The decision to stay together may be the right one. But you will feel better if you mentally regard it as a choice (even if it is a choice between two bad choices) and think about what other choices you can make to improve your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So why can't you have your ideal scenario, exactly?

Because his ideal scenario is having his cake and eating it too. And neither wife nor girlfriend nor kids would tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

I could have written exactly this. So sad really. I heard our minister once say the opposite of love isn't hate, the opposite of love is not caring. Right now our marriage has a whole lot of not caring. No hatred, no fighting, no screaming, just apathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

Oh. I'd like that, too. Maybe you should broach it with your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

How is living together but divorced different than being married and living together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

I'm not saying you should get divorced. The decision to stay together may be the right one. But you will feel better if you mentally regard it as a choice (even if it is a choice between two bad choices) and think about what other choices you can make to improve your situation.

I kind of agree with this. It is mentally a choice to stay together rather than to split up and not have your kids each day, possibly put them through some ugliness, possibly have another parent come into their lives, etc. But, for those who've made this choice, are you happy with it in the end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to. You are choosing to, and you will feel better if you acvept that you do have agency here and own your choices.

You are right, but what my kids lose is too great. We dont fight. I no longer have the passion to fight, Im apathetic. So as far as they are concerned, we are a happy family.

So sure i can make the choice, but i also don't want to share holidays or weekends. My ideal scenario would be living together, but divorced.

I'm not saying you should get divorced. The decision to stay together may be the right one. But you will feel better if you mentally regard it as a choice (even if it is a choice between two bad choices) and think about what other choices you can make to improve your situation.

I kind of agree with this. It is mentally a choice to stay together rather than to split up and not have your kids each day, possibly put them through some ugliness, possibly have another parent come into their lives, etc. But, for those who've made this choice, are you happy with it in the end?

I was. It was not worth it to disrupt the kids, and I just could not bear to live without them half the time. We were able to get along for eight years, until they were all in college. Saved everyone a ton of money and hassle. I was then able to shop for a condo without worrying about schools and the day to day needs of the kids. I don't regret it at all-- it wasn't easy, but neither is divorce. Divorce cheerleaders will say we were living a lie or setting a bad example, but I think we showed the kids how to put family first, get along, and be practical.

[Anonymous]

I am not able to do this because the situation is toxic (I hit the trifecta: addiction, abuse, and adultery), but I understand why people in low-conflict, apathetic marriages do this.

You may even find that you can reignite the spark after kids leave the house!

[Anonymous]

Kids can tell if you two aren't happy. Just end it now and move on.