Thinking of encouraging a friend to give up custody of her kids

[Anonymous]

She has been divorced for 4 years and her ex has shared custody. He is remarried with a new baby.
He was a jerk, and gloated when he was the first to remarry.
She struggled with the two boys when they were toddlers. Even though he had joint custody, he never saw the kids, and put his romantic life first. The boys are now 6 and 7.
She met someone (great guy) who lives in a different state and has a business, so he can't move to be with her. Her ex said that he would enforce the agreement and make her stay in the state with his two sons.
I really want the best for her since she has put up with so much, dating was hard with the kids plus she worked non stop. I am thinking she should stick it to the ex and tell him that she is giving up custody to leave the state and remarry.
Two things could happen. The new wife of the ex will likely balk and refuse to have the boys full time. Then ex will come around. Other possibility, ex takes the kids, and she sees them 2-4 times a year., maybe summers. Either way, she can marry and move on.
Has anyone seen this work? Is it a poor suggestion?

[Anonymous]

Terrible suggestion. No proper mother marries and moves on if she leaves her kids behind.

These situations are complicated and she needs to be the one to work it out with her ex.

Do you have children, OP? Your attitude seems unimaginable for someone with kids.

[Anonymous]

What?!? You obviously do not have any children or you would never even think of suggesting this. Crazy!

[Anonymous]

Why on god's green earth do you think this is ANY of your business?????????????

[Anonymous]

"Stick it to the ex" by giving up custody of her children?!?! You are a horrible person. Those are children, not pawns!! Her frustrated priority is her children.

I truly hope she has better people in her life than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible suggestion. No proper mother marries and moves on if she leaves her kids behind.

These situations are complicated and she needs to be the one to work it out with her ex.

Do you have children, OP? Your attitude seems unimaginable for someone with kids.

Do proper fathers walk out then care for about 2-3 hours a week, then control the mother's life so much that she can't have anyone else's love?

[Anonymous]

You are an insane person.

[Anonymous]

Are you the boyfriend of the mother?

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids OP?

[Anonymous]

I surely hope this sick sob poster is a troll

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not a boyfriend. So, she should tell new boyfriend, that she is sorry, she will have to wait until the youngest is 18?

[Anonymous]

Be a good friend by listening to her. Don't give advice.

The guy she fell in love with has to move or it will be a recipe for resentment. If he really wanted to be with her, he'd make it work.

You don't leave your kids. You don't ask or tell someone to leave their kids.

[Anonymous]

You are crazy. I am a single mom and I'd love to find love again. But if it impacted by kids's lives negatively by even 1%, I'd be like BUH-BYE. Easiest decision ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a boyfriend. So, she should tell new boyfriend, that she is sorry, she will have to wait until the youngest is 18?

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a boyfriend. So, she should tell new boyfriend, that she is sorry, she will have to wait until the youngest is 18?

Yes. That's how it works when you have children. You don't get to have everything you want, including a life with a guy in another state just because you chose poorly the first time around.