Thinking of encouraging a friend to give up custody of her kids

[Anonymous]

I would give up my Right Arm before I would give up my child. No man, relationship or TRUE LOVE would ever, ever be worth giving up my child! I'm luckily not a single mom, but only seeing him 50% of the time would be bad enough, but only 2-4 times a year--no way. It kills me when I have to leave for work before he get up.

Nope, Nope, Nope

OP--I want you think back on this post once you have kids...

[Anonymous]

I was offended initially as I imagined a friend suggesting this to me. I did, however, do something similar to my own ex when he verbally agreed to allow our child to come overseas for me (my work requires it) for 2 years. He used it as leverage to control me for months until I finally called his bluff and said that I thought we should strongly consider having DC remain here with him and I could just visit. It was total BS on my part, as I would have just pulled my assignment, but he called to arrange a time to sign for the passport two days later. Since he didn't want me to move on, I knew that the last thing he wanted was for me to be fancy free in a new country to date. OP might have a point, to call his bluff. But really, I think her friend has bigger issues if her fiance is unwilling to move. I wouldn't consider moving DC away forever.

[Anonymous]

You really think she wants to give up her kids to marry a man??

[Anonymous]

If a friend said this to me we would no longer be friends.

[Anonymous]

She needs to ditch the new boyfriend and get a new one in state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a friend said this to me we would no longer be friends.

+1 I hope the friend has a lawyer to advise her, because this is also TERRIBLE advice legally. You don't just offer full custody to your ex as a way of calling his bluff...do you think the judge won't find out and take it seriously? What a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What?!? You obviously do not have any children or you would never even think of suggesting this. Crazy!

This is offensive.
I don't have kids and I think OP is a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has been divorced for 4 years and her ex has shared custody. He is remarried with a new baby.
He was a jerk, and gloated when he was the first to remarry.
She struggled with the two boys when they were toddlers. Even though he had joint custody, he never saw the kids, and put his romantic life first. The boys are now 6 and 7.
She met someone (great guy) who lives in a different state and has a business, so he can't move to be with her. Her ex said that he would enforce the agreement and make her stay in the state with his two sons.
I really want the best for her since she has put up with so much, dating was hard with the kids plus she worked non stop. I am thinking she should stick it to the ex and tell him that she is giving up custody to leave the state and remarry.
Two things could happen. The new wife of the ex will likely balk and refuse to have the boys full time. Then ex will come around. Other possibility, ex takes the kids, and she sees them 2-4 times a year., maybe summers. Either way, she can marry and move on.
Has anyone seen this work? Is it a poor suggestion?

Sounds like this guy is married. If he was really into your friend he would figure out a way to be with her on a permanent basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She met someone (great guy) who lives in a different state and has a business, so he can't move to be with her.

And her business is here, kids ages 6 and 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What?!? You obviously do not have any children or you would never even think of suggesting this. Crazy!

This is offensive.
I don't have kids and I think OP is a moron.

Me too-- I'm childless and can't believe OP thinks she's giving good advice. Is she a troll??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What?!? You obviously do not have any children or you would never even think of suggesting this. Crazy!

This is offensive.
I don't have kids and I think OP is a moron.

+1 It's also true that many people with children think and do exactly as OP.

[Anonymous]

The likelihood is that the inconvenience for the ex would result in him relenting and letting her leave the state with the boys, but it's too risky.

The thought in the divorce process is to let the man have all the custody he asks for so he can't use it as leverage, knowing that kids will conflict with lifestyle plans and visitation plan will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to ditch the new boyfriend and get a new one in state.

This. Why would you date a guy in another state? He has an established business there so it sounds like he's been there for a while. Why would she get herself into a situation like this?

[Anonymous]

Another childless person who thinks OP is bats#!t crazy and definitely not a real friend.

[Anonymous]

The man hasn't been born for whom I'd leave my kids. I.just.can't.bear.the.thought! If he loves her he wouldn't ask that of her and he'd arrange his business so they can be together.