Other parents commenting on my child's weight

[Anonymous]

I have two sons, one is 8 and one is 10. Both are into excercise, particularly swimming each week and I feed them well. However recently I have noticed other parents commenting or remarking on the size of my 8 y/o DS whilst he's in the swimming lesson. Although I would say he is larger than average I overheard a couple of the other parents chatting and am 90% sure they called my son obese. I was upset and offended by such comments because in my view it's really none of their business, and in my eyes - he's not fat! His BMI when measured at the doctors was quite high (93rd percentile) which is overweight but my 10 year old son is also classed as "overweight" and he hasn't got an inch of fat on him, and the doctor only really mentioned to possibly reduce portion sizes - so not really sure whether I trust the BMI rating that much! My 8 y/o seems happy and healthy, eats and exercises well, and I have control over their food and portions. Nevertheless what the parents were dating has really got to me and I just wanted to get some other opinions on the matter? Is my son obese? Are there any signs to look out for? How can I tell if he actually is obese? Because in my view he is getting enough excercise and eating right.

[Anonymous]

Do they do any other excercise other than swimming?

[Anonymous]

Is he eating right? The right servings of vegetables?

[Anonymous]

Not sure we really know enough about your son to answer the questions you've asked at the bottom. Firstly, was the doctor not more concerned about him being 2 percentiles off obese? Does he not look fat at all? I think it's quite an awkward age for children as they need to grow into their weight a bit so I would worry too much. I'm not sure confronting the parents would be a good idea, but maybe just sit or stand near them on the next swimming lesson as they won't talk about your DS with you within ear shot!

[Anonymous]

For starters, let go of what you overheard. If they said it directly to you, that would be different, but you were eavesdropping and one of the consequences of that is that you will likely hear things you don't like.

As for your son, what did the doctor say, specifically, about his weight? If your doctor is not concerned, then I would not be concerned, but you could mention it to the doctor and see what he says. You mentioned that portion sizes were an issue for your other child. What does a typical meal look like for your family?

[Anonymous]

I think you can look at the facts - 92 percent of kids are skinnier than your kid based on his BMI percentile. However, you have to rely on your pediatrician and knowing your child. None of us know if your son is big-boned or what his frame looks like. What is your build like? What are the kids genes? Is he eating healthy? Getting plenty of exercise?

I guess I would say view the fact that you overheard these comments as a reality check and ask yourself some hard questions and if you come away feeling you're doing all the right things and your son is fine, then your son is fine.

[Anonymous]

The BMI is one data point. That's it. It's not whether you trust it or not, it's what are you going to do with the information.

For your son's height, he's on the heavier end of the spectrum. That could be because he's very muscular or big boned or he's just a solid kid. Or he could be a bit pudgy for his frame. I have a difficult time believing that in your gut you don't know which scenario you're talking about. Is your child's weight evenly distributed? Or does he have a belly?

[Anonymous]

Do you feed him sugar and processed foods? If you cut those out you will see a big difference in his shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The BMI is one data point. That's it. It's not whether you trust it or not, it's what are you going to do with the information.

For your son's height, he's on the heavier end of the spectrum. That could be because he's very muscular or big boned or he's just a solid kid. Or he could be a bit pudgy for his frame. I have a difficult time believing that in your gut you don't know which scenario you're talking about. Is your child's weight evenly distributed? Or does he have a belly?

Yes, he's not really skinny - I would go as far as saying he is pudgy. He does have a chubby belly and it comes out quite a bit, but the doctor said it was typical for fat in boys and men to accumulate around the belly more than other places. The only problem is it shows really clearly when he has his shirts off, such as when he's at his swimming club and especially when he sits down you can see it overlapping his trunks a bit, however I agree the BMI is just a data point and judging from what it told me about my 10 y/o son who is very fit (it told me he was well into the overweight spectrum) I do not have much trust for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For starters, let go of what you overheard. If they said it directly to you, that would be different, but you were eavesdropping and one of the consequences of that is that you will likely hear things you don't like.

As for your son, what did the doctor say, specifically, about his weight? If your doctor is not concerned, then I would not be concerned, but you could mention it to the doctor and see what he says. You mentioned that portion sizes were an issue for your other child. What does a typical meal look like for your family?

Yes but I could really help but overhear, especially when they are talking about my DS. And the doctor reckoned he was storing fat for a growth spurt but told me to keep a close eye on it. Finally, a typical meal for him would be fish fingers, pasta with dolmio sauce and broccoli - for pudding he may have a bar of chocolate or yogurt but nothing substantial. The 10 y/o is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For starters, let go of what you overheard. If they said it directly to you, that would be different, but you were eavesdropping and one of the consequences of that is that you will likely hear things you don't like.

As for your son, what did the doctor say, specifically, about his weight? If your doctor is not concerned, then I would not be concerned, but you could mention it to the doctor and see what he says. You mentioned that portion sizes were an issue for your other child. What does a typical meal look like for your family?

Yes but I could really help but overhear, especially when they are talking about my DS. And the doctor reckoned he was storing fat for a growth spurt but told me to keep a close eye on it. Finally, a typical meal for him would be fish fingers, pasta with dolmio sauce and broccoli - for pudding he may have a bar of chocolate or yogurt but nothing substantial. The 10 y/o is the same.

How much of each of those things is he eating? Breaded, fried fish plus pasta is pretty heavy. Maybe increase the vegetables and decrease the other stuff? And skip dessert.

[Anonymous]

First of all, those other parents were rude. Commenting on another kid's weight is rude. That said, only you and your pediatrician really know if your kid is obese. If the doctor is not worried, then I wouldn't worry, except to make sure that he wasn't eating too much junk food and watching snack sizes.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's as skinny as you make out because something must have triggered those parents to be making those remarks? When he's swimming what are the aesthetic signals for obesity? I.e does he have a belly? Does he have chubby legs and face? Can he fit into the right clothes for his age? You say it's worse when he sits down - what do you mean by this? If you let us know this it will be much easier for us to give you our opinion. However if the doctor is not concerned I wouldn't get overly worked up about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he's as skinny as you make out because something must have triggered those parents to be making those remarks? When he's swimming what are the aesthetic signals for obesity? I.e does he have a belly? Does he have chubby legs and face? Can he fit into the right clothes for his age? You say it's worse when he sits down - what do you mean by this? If you let us know this it will be much easier for us to give you our opinion. However if the doctor is not concerned I wouldn't get overly worked up about it!

Yes as I have mentioned he does have a fat belly, but the doctor said it was common for fat in men to build up around the belly more than anywhere else. His legs are bigger but proportionate to his size. This is the same with his face. And when he sits down you can see his belly fat much clearer because it all kind of clumps together and it comes over the top of his speedo trunks and sort of covers them a bit. And yes it is difficult to buy clothes because he is such an awkward size. For instance the speedo trunks are the only ones he can comfortably fit into that are a reasonable length (although for speedos they're pretty much all the same). School clothes are similar because he had a slightly bigger waist.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a bigger kid, and I've definitely heard comments about it. There's not much we can do about it that we're not already doing so I don't put much thought into it. I'm normal weight but muscular so I'm at the top of the normal BMI range. My daughter's dad is very muscular and big-boned, so he's up there too. (Think 5'11" and 210.) But we're both healthy, active people. Our daughter weighs 70 lbs at age 8 and has a belly, but her legs and arms are thin and she's very active. She was 90th %ile at birth and is still pretty high up there, but the doctor says she's fine.

Try not to worry about what other people say. It's possible they weren't even talking about him. (and if they said something within earshot, that's rude.)