What was your thought process before bringing a step parent into your child's life?

[Anonymous]

Did you worry about your child being jealous? Did you worry about how things like paying for college would be discussed and dealt with? Does any part of you feel, deep down, that if you were only considering the child that you would not bring a step parent into their life?

[Anonymous]

How is college even an issue? Both parents pay for college. Stepparent should not pay for college in less they offer/want to. That is the parents or child's responsibility (would I help as a stepparent if I could, of course, but it is not my responsibility).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is college even an issue? Both parents pay for college. Stepparent should not pay for college in less they offer/want to. That is the parents or child's responsibility (would I help as a stepparent if I could, of course, but it is not my responsibility).

It's an issue because the reality is never cut and dry. Most married couples do not maintain completely separate finances. So when it comes time to pay for a child's college, it's hard to say "oh, it will come out of the biological parent's money only."

[Anonymous]

My thought process was "how will they get along when they're home alone together without me?"

But this was someone I'd been friends with for well over a decade and trusted completely. It wasn't a guy I'd met on match 8 months before moving in together or something.

[Anonymous]

I would never bring a step parent into my child's life. If anything were to happen to my DH, I would remain single until they were out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never bring a step parent into my child's life. If anything were to happen to my DH, I would remain single until they were out of the house.

You're assuming he dies. What if he's abusive and you choose to leave him? Would that change your answer at all?

[Anonymous]

"Muh feelz, muh vagina tingles" said every single mom ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never bring a step parent into my child's life. If anything were to happen to my DH, I would remain single until they were out of the house.

You're assuming he dies. What if he's abusive and you choose to leave him? Would that change your answer at all?

No, why would it? I might then be even more concerned that my kids needed my undivided attention. I'd also be concerned that about my "picker" and not want to subject them to future concern about abusive men in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never bring a step parent into my child's life. If anything were to happen to my DH, I would remain single until they were out of the house.

You're assuming he dies. What if he's abusive and you choose to leave him? Would that change your answer at all?

No, why would it? I might then be even more concerned that my kids needed my undivided attention. I'd also be concerned that about my "picker" and not want to subject them to future concern about abusive men in the house.

+1000 I would never remarry until kids out of the house. I put my kids needs above my own though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never bring a step parent into my child's life. If anything were to happen to my DH, I would remain single until they were out of the house.

You're assuming he dies. What if he's abusive and you choose to leave him? Would that change your answer at all?

No, why would it? I might then be even more concerned that my kids needed my undivided attention. I'd also be concerned that about my "picker" and not want to subject them to future concern about abusive men in the house.

+1000 I would never remarry until kids out of the house. I put my kids needs above my own though.

I'm glad someone feels this way. I from the bottom of my soul do not get how parent's neglect to process that step parents - even ones with the best of intentions - end up making kids feel like they come second, like they are guests in their own home.

[Anonymous]

When I married my DH, his bios were 4 and 7. My bios were 6 and 10. I had physical custody of my bios. We gained physical custody of my step kids about a year after our marriage. Our exes were minimumly involved. They saw them a couple of times a year at most. DH is dad to all four. I am mom to all four. A year later we had a child together. We look, feel, and function like any other family. Most people have no idea we are blended. Our kids never shared that information. They just referred to us as "my parents" or "my mom" or "my dad" regardless of blood.

Sometimes kids are better off with a caring, involved, loving stepparent in their lives. I cannot image my life without my step kids. They are every bit as much my kids as the ones I gave birth to. I disagree with the posters suggesting I am not financially responsible for my stepkids. When my DH and I got married, we committed to each other AND to the children. We provide for our five children equally.

We have been married for well over 20 years. The kids are grown and out of the house except for our youngest. Our oldest is married with a baby of his own now. Several weeks ago someone asked me about my pregnancies and I was struggling to remember the details of one. I took a minute for me to remember that I didn't give birth to her. Our family is that blended.

Our kids are better off because of theirs step parents. Children cannot have too many people in their lives who love and support them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH, his bios were 4 and 7. My bios were 6 and 10. I had physical custody of my bios. We gained physical custody of my step kids about a year after our marriage. Our exes were minimumly involved. They saw them a couple of times a year at most. DH is dad to all four. I am mom to all four. A year later we had a child together. We look, feel, and function like any other family. Most people have no idea we are blended. Our kids never shared that information. They just referred to us as "my parents" or "my mom" or "my dad" regardless of blood.

Sometimes kids are better off with a caring, involved, loving stepparent in their lives. I cannot image my life without my step kids. They are every bit as much my kids as the ones I gave birth to. I disagree with the posters suggesting I am not financially responsible for my stepkids. When my DH and I got married, we committed to each other AND to the children. We provide for our five children equally.

We have been married for well over 20 years. The kids are grown and out of the house except for our youngest. Our oldest is married with a baby of his own now. Several weeks ago someone asked me about my pregnancies and I was struggling to remember the details of one. I took a minute for me to remember that I didn't give birth to her. Our family is that blended.

Our kids are better off because of theirs step parents. Children cannot have too many people in their lives who love and support them.

Well, miracles do happen once in a while, and I'm glad your family has enjoyed one, in no small part due to your and your DH's generosity and hard work, I am sure. Sadly, I think stories like yours are uncommon enough that I wouldn't personally be comfortable with the odds on this path.

I have seen A LOT of step parents who have essentially muscled-out the kids best interests in favor of their own desires. And none of them cop to it either. They all think they've done a fine job.

Maybe one boon in your case was that you both brought 2 kids into the marriage as opposed to one (initially) childless person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH, his bios were 4 and 7. My bios were 6 and 10. I had physical custody of my bios. We gained physical custody of my step kids about a year after our marriage. Our exes were minimumly involved. They saw them a couple of times a year at most. DH is dad to all four. I am mom to all four. A year later we had a child together. We look, feel, and function like any other family. Most people have no idea we are blended. Our kids never shared that information. They just referred to us as "my parents" or "my mom" or "my dad" regardless of blood.

Sometimes kids are better off with a caring, involved, loving stepparent in their lives. I cannot image my life without my step kids. They are every bit as much my kids as the ones I gave birth to. I disagree with the posters suggesting I am not financially responsible for my stepkids. When my DH and I got married, we committed to each other AND to the children. We provide for our five children equally.

We have been married for well over 20 years. The kids are grown and out of the house except for our youngest. Our oldest is married with a baby of his own now. Several weeks ago someone asked me about my pregnancies and I was struggling to remember the details of one. I took a minute for me to remember that I didn't give birth to her. Our family is that blended.

Our kids are better off because of theirs step parents. Children cannot have too many people in their lives who love and support them.

Well, miracles do happen once in a while, and I'm glad your family has enjoyed one, in no small part due to your and your DH's generosity and hard work, I am sure. Sadly, I think stories like yours are uncommon enough that I wouldn't personally be comfortable with the odds on this path.

I have seen A LOT of step parents who have essentially muscled-out the kids best interests in favor of their own desires. And none of them cop to it either. They all think they've done a fine job.

Maybe one boon in your case was that you both brought 2 kids into the marriage as opposed to one (initially) childless person.

I've never met a truly evil stepmom. My kids' father is remarried and I love his wife! I could not have picked a better other mother for my children. He is a better father because of her. My kids are lucky to have her in their lives.

[Anonymous]

You make it sound like people just suddenly show up married to a new stepparent and move them right in. "Hey dude, here's your new dad. I just met him in a bar last night, and we're married!" This may come as a surprise to.you, but for most people there are months of dating, getting to know each other, interaction between the prospective stepparent and the children.....all of that happens long before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You make it sound like people just suddenly show up married to a new stepparent and move them right in. "Hey dude, here's your new dad. I just met him in a bar last night, and we're married!" This may come as a surprise to.you, but for most people there are months of dating, getting to know each other, interaction between the prospective stepparent and the children.....all of that happens long before the wedding.

It doesn't come as a shock to me at all, but I don't see how that is relevant. Most blended families aren't very fulfilling for the children.