Obese women who look put-together

[Anonymous]

I am an obese woman, and I feel your pain. My 2 cents:

First and foremost, you are fat. Not to be rude by saying that, bc I am also. Nothing you wear can change that. Some clothes are more flattering than others, absolutely. But I wear a size 24. There is nothing I can purchase that will make me look like a size 4 (or even a 14 for that matter). Once I accepted that fact, and started shopping for the best clothes I can to make the person I am look the best I can, the easier the whole process got.

Next, confidence is key. A lot of people have mentioned that the heavy women they admire always have hair and makeup done, their accessories are on point, nice shoes and bags, etc. Not because hair and makeup or accessories make someone look smaller, but they make you more confident. The more confident you are, it shows.

Buy the best quality clothes you can for your budget. For me, that is Lane Bryant and Macy's (sometimes Lord & Taylor and Nordstrom but not as often).

When you discover a style that works for you, stick with it. If something doesn't look good, give up. Don't keep trying to make (for instance) fit and flare happen if it doesn't look good on you. No matter how cute something looks on the rack/website, if the style doesn't work with your body, give up.

When you find something that you like, buy multiple of it. Nothing wrong with a capsule wardrobe/uniform/whatever you want to call it.

Pay attention to fabrics and how they stick to your body. Jersey fabric is more flowy than others, for instance. When you know the fabrics you prefer, seek them out. I recently purchased a tshirt from Lane Bryant that was flattering--not too thin, drapes well on my body, etc. It was a french terry fabric. So I bought every tshirt in that fabric on their website while I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not talking about body positivity, so please don't go there. I'm just curious about the heavy women I see who are so beautiful, so put together. I need to lose 100 pounds, and even in nice clothing, I look frumpy and sloppy. I'm sure there are tricks to this, maybe nicer makeup or a good haircut or something? How can I look more like them?

Not possible.

Of course it is, turd.

[Anonymous]

Larger lady here. I love Eileen Fisher. I try to make monochrome capsule collections from EF's seasons. Tops/pants/dresses/scarves. Black always works. In the summer, it's tougher so I'll do an olive or a maroon, maybe an off white if the fit is really good on the clothes.

Add an awesome bag (my fave is Celine Cabas or Ferragamo, for a lower price point try Clare V.), really nice sunglasses (Dior or try Valley for lower pp), nice shoes like Stuart Weitzman or Aquatalia (EF makes great shoes too at a lower PP), hair done, mani/pedi in neutral colors, and some fantastic statement jewelry. I like handmade jewelry from craft markets, honestly. Or DeMarson & Annie Costello Brown make some interesting pieces as well. I like to do a large statement necklace or earrings, but not both.

Also natural makeup for flawless skin (Ilia or Nars foundation). Light eye makeup but well shaped brows (no paint ons, though). And a nice lipstick like YSL Rouge Volupte Shine in a pinky red).

Sounds like a lot but once you have it all down, it's easy.

[Anonymous]

I want to like Eileen Fisher but most of it is too unstructured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larger lady here. I love Eileen Fisher. I try to make monochrome capsule collections from EF's seasons. Tops/pants/dresses/scarves. Black always works. In the summer, it's tougher so I'll do an olive or a maroon, maybe an off white if the fit is really good on the clothes.

Add an awesome bag (my fave is Celine Cabas or Ferragamo, for a lower price point try Clare V.), really nice sunglasses (Dior or try Valley for lower pp), nice shoes like Stuart Weitzman or Aquatalia (EF makes great shoes too at a lower PP), hair done, mani/pedi in neutral colors, and some fantastic statement jewelry. I like handmade jewelry from craft markets, honestly. Or DeMarson & Annie Costello Brown make some interesting pieces as well. I like to do a large statement necklace or earrings, but not both.

Also natural makeup for flawless skin (Ilia or Nars foundation). Light eye makeup but well shaped brows (no paint ons, though). And a nice lipstick like YSL Rouge Volupte Shine in a pinky red).

Sounds like a lot but once you have it all down, it's easy.

I'll add 11 Honore has awesome clothes too, but pricey. Really good investment pieces though that are well made & fit correctly for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Check out the influencer @simplyelsa on instagram.

[Anonymous]

I like Eloquii and Talbots Plus. Loft Plus was a bust for me.

[Anonymous]

I’m not obese but have to say all these suggestions are on point for any body size! Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

I am obese and I make sure that my face is always made up and my hair always looks good, for one thing. I buy expensive work clothes and have them tailored to fit. I have a uniform for casual clothes of things that I know look nice and I don't veer from him. I buy nice shoes.

I know that I have to go an extra 200 miles because thin women are judging me harshly based on my size. Don't deny it, ladies, I know it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am obese and I make sure that my face is always made up and my hair always looks good, for one thing. I buy expensive work clothes and have them tailored to fit. I have a uniform for casual clothes of things that I know look nice and I don't veer from him. I buy nice shoes.

I know that I have to go an extra 200 miles because thin women are judging me harshly based on my size. Don't deny it, ladies, I know it's true.

OP here. This is my issue. DC just started an at expensive private school, and I don't fit in. I mean, I never will, but I'd rather not look sloppy in front of them.

[Anonymous]

What kinds of things do you wear now? And what about them makes you feel like you look frumpy?

[Anonymous]

If you are pear shaped you can get away with more tailored pieces and dresses nipped at the waist. If you are obese and apple shaped that is much harder to make anything structured and tailored work- flowy is your friend, flowy dresses and skirts are great options since it doesn’t break up your leg line which can tend to look short if you are apple shaped

[Anonymous]

I think that in general, looking put together is the same regardless of weight. The difference is that thin people can get away with not looking put together, whereas overweight women cannot. If I go someplace like Home Depot in a regular t-shirt (not a cute cut one) and cargo shorts I look like I'm auditioning for a role as a janitor in a play. I do this sometimes, but I hide behind my mask and hope I don't run into anyone I know.

For those who are overweight, much depends on body type. I'm a classic hourglass. As I put on weight, the glass just becomes thicker. I can end up looking like a cartoon character if I'm not careful. But some women are apples, and their top part can become too big relative to their legs as they put on weight. So, each needs a different type of approach in terms of fabrics and cuts. And some of us are both short and chubby, like Ina. We actually look "small" to normal size big tall people. Weight up high on the body, especially if you don't have a waist, seems bigger than weight on the butt and thighs.

No matter where your extra weight is, you need tailored clothing. It's very, very rare to find pants and jacket sleeves that are the right length for heavy women, especially if you're short.

Don't do things like wear extra high heels with narrow heels. It looks stupid to see all that weight teetering on a spindle and you risk hurting yourself. The extra weight is already putting too much pressure on your knees and ankles.

Do not walk around with rolls that are exposed. If that means you put a linen jacket with 3/4 sleeves over a tee, then do it. Don't bare your rolls to the world. Same for funny looking skin like under the upper arms. No muffin top! Choose pants with a higher rise to avoid this. It's rare to find a top with sleeves above the elbow that is flattering if you're chunky, so default to 3/4 sleeves.

Do not try to look sexy by exposing your chest skin with anything low cut. Same for short skirts, even if your legs are nice. Use form fitting fabric that is sturdy for that effect, like the African American women's blouse with the white wide legged pants in the pics someone shared. Or wear a pencil skirt in a sturdy fabric to show off a nicely shaped albeit large booty. In the winter you can wear a short skirt if you pair it with tights and it doesn't make you look off balance.

Don't wear all black, gray, and or brown. You'll look like you're trying to hide.

Do not EVER leave the house in leggings without at least a few inches of your top hanging below the bottom of your butt. Only super fit people can do that, and even they shouldn't, IMO.

Shoes in pretty colors can be a way to add personality and flair. Plus, if you're hoping to lose weight, you can spend your money on them and still be able to wear them if you go down a few dress sizes.

And remember that some of the women who are most cherished and adored by their partners are overweight. You deserve to feel gorgeous and be treated that way, regardless of your weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that in general, looking put together is the same regardless of weight. The difference is that thin people can get away with not looking put together, whereas overweight women cannot. If I go someplace like Home Depot in a regular t-shirt (not a cute cut one) and cargo shorts I look like I'm auditioning for a role as a janitor in a play. I do this sometimes, but I hide behind my mask and hope I don't run into anyone I know.

For those who are overweight, much depends on body type. I'm a classic hourglass. As I put on weight, the glass just becomes thicker. I can end up looking like a cartoon character if I'm not careful. But some women are apples, and their top part can become too big relative to their legs as they put on weight. So, each needs a different type of approach in terms of fabrics and cuts. And some of us are both short and chubby, like Ina. We actually look "small" to normal size big tall people. Weight up high on the body, especially if you don't have a waist, seems bigger than weight on the butt and thighs.

No matter where your extra weight is, you need tailored clothing. It's very, very rare to find pants and jacket sleeves that are the right length for heavy women, especially if you're short.

Don't do things like wear extra high heels with narrow heels. It looks stupid to see all that weight teetering on a spindle and you risk hurting yourself. The extra weight is already putting too much pressure on your knees and ankles.

Do not walk around with rolls that are exposed. If that means you put a linen jacket with 3/4 sleeves over a tee, then do it. Don't bare your rolls to the world. Same for funny looking skin like under the upper arms. No muffin top! Choose pants with a higher rise to avoid this. It's rare to find a top with sleeves above the elbow that is flattering if you're chunky, so default to 3/4 sleeves.

Do not try to look sexy by exposing your chest skin with anything low cut. Same for short skirts, even if your legs are nice. Use form fitting fabric that is sturdy for that effect, like the African American women's blouse with the white wide legged pants in the pics someone shared. Or wear a pencil skirt in a sturdy fabric to show off a nicely shaped albeit large booty. In the winter you can wear a short skirt if you pair it with tights and it doesn't make you look off balance.

Don't wear all black, gray, and or brown. You'll look like you're trying to hide.

Do not EVER leave the house in leggings without at least a few inches of your top hanging below the bottom of your butt. Only super fit people can do that, and even they shouldn't, IMO.

Shoes in pretty colors can be a way to add personality and flair. Plus, if you're hoping to lose weight, you can spend your money on them and still be able to wear them if you go down a few dress sizes.

And remember that some of the women who are most cherished and adored by their partners are overweight. You deserve to feel gorgeous and be treated that way, regardless of your weight.

Monochrome is a great way to lengthen and slim your body if you do it right.

Sorry, but a lot of this is bad advice and a long list of "don't do this" which is unhelpful. Do you have any proactive advice? Make a list like this with "DOs"

Buy pretty shoes in case you lose weight? WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that in general, looking put together is the same regardless of weight. The difference is that thin people can get away with not looking put together, whereas overweight women cannot. If I go someplace like Home Depot in a regular t-shirt (not a cute cut one) and cargo shorts I look like I'm auditioning for a role as a janitor in a play. I do this sometimes, but I hide behind my mask and hope I don't run into anyone I know.

For those who are overweight, much depends on body type. I'm a classic hourglass. As I put on weight, the glass just becomes thicker. I can end up looking like a cartoon character if I'm not careful. But some women are apples, and their top part can become too big relative to their legs as they put on weight. So, each needs a different type of approach in terms of fabrics and cuts. And some of us are both short and chubby, like Ina. We actually look "small" to normal size big tall people. Weight up high on the body, especially if you don't have a waist, seems bigger than weight on the butt and thighs.

No matter where your extra weight is, you need tailored clothing. It's very, very rare to find pants and jacket sleeves that are the right length for heavy women, especially if you're short.

Don't do things like wear extra high heels with narrow heels. It looks stupid to see all that weight teetering on a spindle and you risk hurting yourself. The extra weight is already putting too much pressure on your knees and ankles.

Do not walk around with rolls that are exposed. If that means you put a linen jacket with 3/4 sleeves over a tee, then do it. Don't bare your rolls to the world. Same for funny looking skin like under the upper arms. No muffin top! Choose pants with a higher rise to avoid this. It's rare to find a top with sleeves above the elbow that is flattering if you're chunky, so default to 3/4 sleeves.

Do not try to look sexy by exposing your chest skin with anything low cut. Same for short skirts, even if your legs are nice. Use form fitting fabric that is sturdy for that effect, like the African American women's blouse with the white wide legged pants in the pics someone shared. Or wear a pencil skirt in a sturdy fabric to show off a nicely shaped albeit large booty. In the winter you can wear a short skirt if you pair it with tights and it doesn't make you look off balance.

Don't wear all black, gray, and or brown. You'll look like you're trying to hide.

Do not EVER leave the house in leggings without at least a few inches of your top hanging below the bottom of your butt. Only super fit people can do that, and even they shouldn't, IMO.

Shoes in pretty colors can be a way to add personality and flair. Plus, if you're hoping to lose weight, you can spend your money on them and still be able to wear them if you go down a few dress sizes.

And remember that some of the women who are most cherished and adored by their partners are overweight. You deserve to feel gorgeous and be treated that way, regardless of your weight.


Thanks PP. this is one of the most positive comments and helpful- I have read on DCUM