I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere

[Anonymous]

At its best marriage is a marathon. There are so many reasons that a marriage can get derailed even marriages that appear solid. You never know what goes on behind closed doors and it's not your right to know. I've been happily married for a very long time and when you start taking it for granted you begin to lose. Anyone who says that marriage is easy is either lying or kidding herself or himself.

[Anonymous]

Because marriage doesn't have to be the default - and even just "normal" marriage can be a lot to deal with if one doesn't want to be living with someone and/or monogamous and/or constantly compromising. But because socially we are lead to believe that people should be married and that it is the normal and right thing to do - and in fact to aspire to - we only realize how dissatisfying it can be once we are in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

This. I’d be embarrassed to tell people my husband cheated on me and even more embarrassed to tell them he abused me.

[Anonymous]

Oh, you really want me to overshare on all the multiple ways my husband drives me and my son crazy?

You're so naive to think that most people's circumstances are clear cut and can be explained with just one word: infidelity, abuse, etc.

When it's complex, and it usually is, people aren't going to give you the 8 hour lecture.

[Anonymous]

My BIL and his wife are getting divorced and it’s because of mental health issues and financial problems that combined have caused a lot of resentment between them the past few years and they are both pretty miserable.

The only people who know about their problems are my husband, me, MIL and FIL. BIL’s wife hasn’t even told her family and none of their friends even very close friends know the real reasons behind the divorce.

They put on a good show pretending to have a good relationship for years, they have been to therapy but don’t tell others about it either. It’s sad it came to this but I’m glad they are finally divorcing since I think they’ll both be happier separate. They are just telling people they grew apart. No one would guess all that was really going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

This. I’d be embarrassed to tell people my husband cheated on me and even more embarrassed to tell them he abused me.

Are the three justifiable "As" for divorce from some conservative religious rule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

This. I’d be embarrassed to tell people my husband cheated on me and even more embarrassed to tell them he abused me.

Which is sad for the victims and part of the isolation and suffering in silence. Cheating says a lot more about the cheater than the one they cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just learned of another one today. No abuse, no adultery or addiction. Functioning involved parents to three kids. They didn't even see a therapist. We are early 40's and most people we know have kids in upper elementary and MS. The pace of divorce announcements seems to be ticking up.

WTAF?

And why or how on earth do you know there was no abuse or disorders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

Exactly. I'm dealing with the addiction right now. It's not like I'm telling anyone about it. But he's becoming verbally abusive to our teen son. And my husband refuses therapy. There is only so much one spouse can do.....

When he started treating his young and now older, verbal daughters the same bad way he treated me inside the house, we made arrangements, left and served him.

The "nice guy" facade outside of the house was a known phenomenon for years for an narcissist or mentally disordered one. Don't conflate "nice laidback guy" for misogynistic, narcissistic, Do-nothing abusive father and husband. Sitting around while your wife does everything, watches the kids, entertains, keeps things safe, tries to socialize is not "nice laid back guy," it's making you a Flying Monkey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

Because its the close friend of my husband and he confirmed it. He's basically just...leaving her.

wow. arent you the gossipy detective.

hope you don't do any research or diligence in your real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

Because its the close friend of my husband and he confirmed it. He's basically just...leaving her.

Read the court cases docs in 2 years time if you really want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can pretty much guarantee there’s something going on that they’re not sharing. Respect their privacy.

You'll hear the truth once the divorce terms are finalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

I'm not nosy. I didn't even talk to him. HE called my husband and WANTED TO TELL HIM.

I'm still in complete shock. You wouldn't be?

nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People keep things private. It wasn't out of nowhere it was none of your business.

Yes. They know most people are loud mouth harpy gossips and whatever they say WILL get back to their children.

They are protective and have a united front BECAUSE of the well-being of their kids. They aren't going to let out that someone had an affair, was a big Ho or did something else awful.

This. Responsible parents don't broadcast the reasons for their divorce, because they are protecting their kids (and their kids' relationship with both parents). The people who trash the other spouse to anyone who will listen (including the kids) are selfish and are doing their kids a huge disservice

the kids saw the abuse. the court evaluator agreed. the psych exams did as well. and who's supposed to pretend that's all great or didn't happen?

[Anonymous]

The lonely housewife with way to much down time. Go get a life, stop inserting yourself in other peoples affairs.