Wife seduction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just out of the blue this came up for you, OP? Or did something trigger it? I’m just trying to understand what might make my husband aware of what sounds like an ongoing issue for many years in such a way as to realize he wants to do something about it.

This slightly empty feeling is recent, just looking to get us closer.

I’m sorry, OP. This year has definitely been hard, and sounds like you are at a draining stage of life on top of it.

Sounds cheesy but you know what they say — if you’re feeling distant in a relationship it’s because one or both you is having trouble being close to yourself. When you’re in the presence of someone who is connected with themselves and emotionally open then it makes you feel yourself and want to be open back. There’s no secret recipe for intimacy but sometimes you gotta just dig through those feelings you mentioned like resentment, loneliness etc and feel each other. There’s no reason you can’t be close again. Good luck.

Op here:
What an incredibly enlightening response, thank you for writing this. This all makes total sense, she is feeling out of sorts because of looming menopause and that is throwing her off which might throw me off. The kids are all out for the weekend, we would have to dinner with friends last night and had an awesome time, we spent the whole day together today, I took her to my favorite place for lunch and we just went to target and ran some errands but it was a really nice day and she seemed relaxed and happy.

I have a plan, I am going to be an easy-going non-demanding rock that will grease some of the rails for her that I can so she has the space to come to terms with what she’s going through; hopefully we’ll be back to where we were soon.

You’re welcome. Someone wise once told me, construction is a series of compromises. It looks like a mess now but you’ll get there.

OP here:
M or F
Who are you?!? I say that all the time!

Let’s just say… I hope I helped you as much as you helped me. And I’ll never mention it so don’t worry.

Wow you’re smart, I hope you have a good ride home from the beach.

It was ok. Lost my cool with the kids a few times. Catching up on DCUM now. It’s annoying when people give idiot responses to other people’s questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try going for her booty-hole. That’ll really spice it up. First play with it finger-wise then get to licking. Don’t understand how men aren’t already doing this tbh I think it’s a requirement.

Time to take your pills.

Aww what's the matter? Your wife isnt comfortable enough with you to let you munch her chocolate starfish? Grow up, and stop kink shaming. A lot of people enjoy eating booty-hole and having theirs eaten, and doing other stuff involving penetration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

NP. Deep into our 40s. After me dropping hints, my DH of over 15 years took up my suggestion to open the marriage for a bit. Got it out of my system (with a somewhat younger guy on the periphery of our friend group) and all is good and hot now.

Did your husband get to take advantage of his temporary freedom?
Did you go off with this other person privately or was this a collaborative with your H?
Any regrets?
Why did you stop?

He did not, although he was welcome to do so. Not a collaborative session. No regrets, and I stopped because I got it out of my system (and the other guy was fine with this). Now, to be fair, this worked in our circumstances. Did my open minded DH get jealous? Yes, I think so. But that jealousy sparked things up between us and it’s lasting. Might not work for everyone, of course. We had had talks, off and on, about whether monogamy was natural.

How long ago did you do this? Were you with the other person just once or was it a longer term thing? Did you just come home and announce that you were closing up or did your husband indicate that he didn’t want you going out anymore? After being with a new person after such a long time with your husband did it make you more or less into having sex with your husband? Did your husband want to know the details or was he oblivious to when and how you were getting with the new girl/guy?

[Anonymous]

Op back again.

In the ensuing 794 days since I posted this I had a sixth month emotional affair that was discovered by my wife, yesterday I found a video in recently deleted pictures from some guy telling my wife he loves her, they have been talking for a year and they regularly exchanged I love you’s.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next but if anyone reading this has a marriage heading even slightly sideways demand counseling asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back again.

In the ensuing 794 days since I posted this I had a sixth month emotional affair that was discovered by my wife, yesterday I found a video in recently deleted pictures from some guy telling my wife he loves her, they have been talking for a year and they regularly exchanged I love you’s.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next but if anyone reading this has a marriage heading even slightly sideways demand counseling asap.

Wow OP I’m sorry. You know what, if you want to stay married and your wife does too, get in marriage counseling and work it out. Some people get really upset by emotional affairs but they are mostly about a fantasy, and I say someone who had an EA. I thought I loved that person but I mostly loved the idea of him.

[Anonymous]

Once you are checking phones, it is headed towards splitsville.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the guy? She’s probably sleeping with him. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know the guy? She’s probably sleeping with him. Sorry OP.

He’s on the other side of the world, nothing physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you are checking phones, it is headed towards splitsville.

Agreed, I’ve never been suspicious but a month ago I walked out of the room with her phone in my back pocket and she wanted to know where I was going with it, it didn’t really click until later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back again.

In the ensuing 794 days since I posted this I had a sixth month emotional affair that was discovered by my wife, yesterday I found a video in recently deleted pictures from some guy telling my wife he loves her, they have been talking for a year and they regularly exchanged I love you’s.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next but if anyone reading this has a marriage heading even slightly sideways demand counseling asap.

Wow OP I’m sorry. You know what, if you want to stay married and your wife does too, get in marriage counseling and work it out. Some people get really upset by emotional affairs but they are mostly about a fantasy, and I say someone who had an EA. I thought I loved that person but I mostly loved the idea of him.

Block and delete is happening and a referral for a marriage counselor will be found tomorrow, I’m letting her pick the counselor so she can’t come back saying I picked someone who may have been against her etc.

I know it’s all fantasy, when mine happened I got myself into therapy, worked it out for the most part and started working really hard on becoming a more well-rounded person. She fell in “love” with some guy on Instagram from the other side of the world and stonewall all my attempts at getting us closer, at least now I know why.
Fingers crossed

[Anonymous]

Women suck. Sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What changed for me were a few things. 1. Husband backed off. Feeling obligated to have sex is the worst for my libido. He still wanted it but I didn’t feel pressure after that. 2. I got furious at him for something (only time in 14 years I have ever been that upset) and we worked through it. This is weird but I realize now that even though we spent fun times together and had a happy marriage, our emotional connection had gotten more superficial. 3. Romance novels and erotica. Goodness I love smutty books so much.

Not sure if you can do any of these things. I would read the book Come As You Are just so you can understand what factors going into your wife’s desire. It is a little complicated but if you can pass a college level class you can definitely learn this.

Ha.. me, too.

-53 yr old woman, married 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do you feel butterflies in any other context?

About nine years ago we went away on vacation just the two of us with no kids, it was like we were newlyweds again (she came home pregnant) and that lasted for an easy three or four years.

I think that’s the answer, I’m going to figure out what to do with our kids so we can go away for a week; we don’t have any close family nearby I wonder if I can hire a babysitter to stay there for a week.

Two words: sleepaway camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back again.

In the ensuing 794 days since I posted this I had a sixth month emotional affair that was discovered by my wife, yesterday I found a video in recently deleted pictures from some guy telling my wife he loves her, they have been talking for a year and they regularly exchanged I love you’s.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next but if anyone reading this has a marriage heading even slightly sideways demand counseling asap.

Wow OP I’m sorry. You know what, if you want to stay married and your wife does too, get in marriage counseling and work it out. Some people get really upset by emotional affairs but they are mostly about a fantasy, and I say someone who had an EA. I thought I loved that person but I mostly loved the idea of him.

Block and delete is happening and a referral for a marriage counselor will be found tomorrow, I’m letting her pick the counselor so she can’t come back saying I picked someone who may have been against her etc.

I know it’s all fantasy, when mine happened I got myself into therapy, worked it out for the most part and started working really hard on becoming a more well-rounded person. She fell in “love” with some guy on Instagram from the other side of the world and stonewall all my attempts at getting us closer, at least now I know why.
Fingers crossed

Give it time, you know from experience how crazy and mopey someone getting over an EA is. I relapsed and talked to the person several times even though now I see how stupid that was. Even if you end up separating in the end at least you will have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What changed for me were a few things. 1. Husband backed off. Feeling obligated to have sex is the worst for my libido. He still wanted it but I didn’t feel pressure after that. 2. I got furious at him for something (only time in 14 years I have ever been that upset) and we worked through it. This is weird but I realize now that even though we spent fun times together and had a happy marriage, our emotional connection had gotten more superficial. 3. Romance novels and erotica. Goodness I love smutty books so much.

Not sure if you can do any of these things. I would read the book Come As You Are just so you can understand what factors going into your wife’s desire. It is a little complicated but if you can pass a college level class you can definitely learn this.

Ha.. me, too.

-53 yr old woman, married 20 years.

Hope you guys posted your recommendations in the books thread.