Wife seduction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What changed for me were a few things. 1. Husband backed off. Feeling obligated to have sex is the worst for my libido. He still wanted it but I didn’t feel pressure after that. 2. I got furious at him for something (only time in 14 years I have ever been that upset) and we worked through it. This is weird but I realize now that even though we spent fun times together and had a happy marriage, our emotional connection had gotten more superficial. 3. Romance novels and erotica. Goodness I love smutty books so much.

Not sure if you can do any of these things. I would read the book Come As You Are just so you can understand what factors going into your wife’s desire. It is a little complicated but if you can pass a college level class you can definitely learn this.

Ha.. me, too.

-53 yr old woman, married 20 years.

Hope you guys posted your recommendations in the books thread.

Colleen Hoover. Any/all of them.

[Anonymous]

Here is what works for me

1. Vacation without kids + Spa/Massage = Easier than a bride on her wedding night.

2. 5th, 6th or 7th day from the start of her cycle, she is ready to jump on me unless something stressful is going on at work.

3. Pick a fight over small thing and apologize profusely, buy flowers. Easy layup.

4. Movie of a certain type by her favorite actor + dessert. Works really well for weekends but more a crapshoot during weekdays.

#1 works 100% of time. #2 & #3 works nearly 90% of time. #4 works near 80% of time on weekends, but less than 1/3 of the time on weekdays.

All the other more common methods give mixed results but do they increase chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

I was reading something in bed and I asked her if she had ever come close to cheating or if she even just bumped into someone that she would’ve made out with or slept with right then; she said she’s met/noticed really handsome guys before but never. Then she asked the same of me and I said that I’ve had a few flirtations but never came close.
She asked me why I was asking her this and I told her I was just curious but I let her know that if it ever happened I almost be happy for her after 25 years of marriage and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me, she replied the same to me. She said something about how at this point she was secure with our life and that some outside fun wouldn’t threaten anything.
She’s semi-open to it I guess but I’m not interested in watching the kids so my wife can go out on a date, if we did anything we would do it as a couple.

Yikes, that's a bit controlling. It's one thing to say you don't want an open marriage, it's another to frame it like this. It begs the question - Do you do anything for your wife that is not in your direct self-interest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Vacation without kids + Spa/Massage = Easier than a bride on her wedding night.

Your way of thinking is just offensive.

Anonymous wrote:2. 5th, 6th or 7th day from the start of her cycle, she is ready to jump on me unless something stressful is going on at work.

What are you going to do after menopause?

Anonymous wrote:3. Pick a fight over small thing and apologize profusely, buy flowers. Easy layup.

Your manipulation here is gross.

Anonymous wrote:4. Movie of a certain type by her favorite actor + dessert. Works really well for weekends but more a crapshoot during weekdays.

I actually would not have guessed that would work at all.

Anonymous wrote:#1 works 100% of time. #2 & #3 works nearly 90% of time. #4 works near 80% of time on weekends, but less than 1/3 of the time on weekdays.

All the other more common methods give mixed results but do they increase chances.

What more common methods?? I'm not sure what is more common than trying to get a woman interestesd in sex when she is rolling up to ovulation. Except perhaps taking your wife away on vacation, getting a couples massage, watching a sexy movie and having some drinks and dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what works for me

1. Vacation without kids + Spa/Massage = Easier than a bride on her wedding night.

2. 5th, 6th or 7th day from the start of her cycle, she is ready to jump on me unless something stressful is going on at work.

3. Pick a fight over small thing and apologize profusely, buy flowers. Easy layup.

4. Movie of a certain type by her favorite actor + dessert. Works really well for weekends but more a crapshoot during weekdays.

#1 works 100% of time. #2 & #3 works nearly 90% of time. #4 works near 80% of time on weekends, but less than 1/3 of the time on weekdays.

All the other more common methods give mixed results but do they increase chances.

Thank you for making me appreciate my husband even more.

[Anonymous]

What is the 180?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what works for me

1. Vacation without kids + Spa/Massage = Easier than a bride on her wedding night.

2. 5th, 6th or 7th day from the start of her cycle, she is ready to jump on me unless something stressful is going on at work.

3. Pick a fight over small thing and apologize profusely, buy flowers. Easy layup.

4. Movie of a certain type by her favorite actor + dessert. Works really well for weekends but more a crapshoot during weekdays.

#1 works 100% of time. #2 & #3 works nearly 90% of time. #4 works near 80% of time on weekends, but less than 1/3 of the time on weekdays.

All the other more common methods give mixed results but do they increase chances.

DW here and wow now I’m onto my DH. I don’t mind the elaborate schemes though! But I’m also high drive and he doesn’t realize there are a few simple moves that would work on me (sadly he’s not into those at all and I’m not going to describe them here so don’t even ask). Anyway, getaway without kids works veeeery well. Dessert and movie do too. Pro tip: CVS sells chocolate covered strawberries in the fridge aisle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the 180?

I understand it as referring to a behavioral change in the context of a spouse who suspects or finds out that the other spouse is being or has been unfaithful. I think I've also seen it applied when there isn't necessarily infidelity but the other spouse is distant. A lot of it has to do with becoming distant yourself so that your spouse has to chase you.

Here is a blog post that describes it:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do you feel butterflies in any other context?

About nine years ago we went away on vacation just the two of us with no kids, it was like we were newlyweds again (she came home pregnant) and that lasted for an easy three or four years.

I think that’s the answer, I’m going to figure out what to do with our kids so we can go away for a week; we don’t have any close family nearby I wonder if I can hire a babysitter to stay there for a week.

A week during the school year is a lot. Maybe start with a long weekend. That’s a lot more manageable. Plus you’ll get a good sense of that person is a good fit or not.

Your youngest is 8 or 9? How old is your oldest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what works for me

1. Vacation without kids + Spa/Massage = Easier than a bride on her wedding night.

2. 5th, 6th or 7th day from the start of her cycle, she is ready to jump on me unless something stressful is going on at work.

3. Pick a fight over small thing and apologize profusely, buy flowers. Easy layup.

4. Movie of a certain type by her favorite actor + dessert. Works really well for weekends but more a crapshoot during weekdays.

#1 works 100% of time. #2 & #3 works nearly 90% of time. #4 works near 80% of time on weekends, but less than 1/3 of the time on weekdays.

All the other more common methods give mixed results but do they increase chances.

DW here and wow now I’m onto my DH. I don’t mind the elaborate schemes though! But I’m also high drive and he doesn’t realize there are a few simple moves that would work on me (sadly he’s not into those at all and I’m not going to describe them here so don’t even ask). Anyway, getaway without kids works veeeery well. Dessert and movie do too. Pro tip: CVS sells chocolate covered strawberries in the fridge aisle.

What simple moves does he refuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do you feel butterflies in any other context?

About nine years ago we went away on vacation just the two of us with no kids, it was like we were newlyweds again (she came home pregnant) and that lasted for an easy three or four years.

I think that’s the answer, I’m going to figure out what to do with our kids so we can go away for a week; we don’t have any close family nearby I wonder if I can hire a babysitter to stay there for a week.

Why are you even asking if you knew the answer all along?

Moms while being caregivers are not feeling sexy. They need to be treated as women not caregivers and maids.

Read Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel while you're at it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Moms while being caregivers are not feeling sexy.

My wife says she doesn't feel sexy because she's 45 and overweight. A vacation isn't going to change that. (And it's not me complaining about her weight or age. That's all her. My compliments and demonstrations of attraction are all ignored or discounted.)