Wife seduction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

I was reading something in bed and I asked her if she had ever come close to cheating or if she even just bumped into someone that she would’ve made out with or slept with right then; she said she’s met/noticed really handsome guys before but never. Then she asked the same of me and I said that I’ve had a few flirtations but never came close.
She asked me why I was asking her this and I told her I was just curious but I let her know that if it ever happened I almost be happy for her after 25 years of marriage and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me, she replied the same to me. She said something about how at this point she was secure with our life and that some outside fun wouldn’t threaten anything.
She’s semi-open to it I guess but I’m not interested in watching the kids so my wife can go out on a date, if we did anything we would do it as a couple.

PP here. That’s about where I am… after so many years your spouse is family and not going anywhere.

At our age you have to cut the BS. I confessed to a friend recently about a harmless exchange that I think would have been more at a different time and place. She said that it’s healthy to keep that energy alive. Life is to live open heartedly and without fear. I believe in honesty and loyalty too much to cheat. But if you feel it and you’re able to be honest with yourself about it then you can learn from it.

Anyway, sounds like your communication is solid and you trust each other. So just take it from there.

Also, that’s exactly what my husband said about watching the kids… LOL.

[Anonymous]

There's a 1% chance of turning around the lack of passion/sex in your 20+ year marriage.
It goes up to 2% if your wife wants it to.
It goes down to 0% if you're fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 25 years, I hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on a regular basis.
I know after 25 years the butterflies are not coming back but I would love to find a way to seduce my wife again for lack of a better term.
After 25 years there have certainly been some arguments and I am positive there’s plenty of resentment that she has but there have been no major betrayals or base level infractions that would make our relationship unrecoverable

I’ve read about 180s on here before, is there a 180 for reigniting a spark between a husband and a wife?
Did any of your husband‘s turn the world around for you?

**Before someone answers we are not going to open the marriage**

If one spouse has to do all the work in this department the resentment just builds up. Does she do anything to seduce you? At some point it becomes demeaning …good luck.

No, I’m the one that wants things to be better.

Sure but it takes two. How long will you hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on when she does not respond? At what point do you actually say what and why am I doing this? Is it a relationship or is it just you trying really hard all the time? Sound real fun!

[Anonymous]

My sexual satisfaction mattered to my DH and that was a turn on. Get her some toys, a spa day, a romantic vacation...

[Anonymous]

Get a hotel room for the night or afternoon in a regular basis. Easier to manage child care than a long vacation. Get some champagne and have some great uninhibited sex.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she knows she is your priority.....and you should be hers. Kids grow up and leave.

I would plan a nice vacation for just the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

NP. Deep into our 40s. After me dropping hints, my DH of over 15 years took up my suggestion to open the marriage for a bit. Got it out of my system (with a somewhat younger guy on the periphery of our friend group) and all is good and hot now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

NP. Deep into our 40s. After me dropping hints, my DH of over 15 years took up my suggestion to open the marriage for a bit. Got it out of my system (with a somewhat younger guy on the periphery of our friend group) and all is good and hot now.

Did your husband get to take advantage of his temporary freedom?
Did you go off with this other person privately or was this a collaborative with your H?
Any regrets?
Why did you stop?

[Anonymous]

We went almost 20 years without going on a week long child-free vacation. Our marriage was fine up to that point and we had an ok love life but there was no real romance. We went to Vancouver/BC and we had the most wonderful time staying in luxury hotels and B&Bs. We may not have had sex every night but what we had definitely restarted the romance. Since then vacations are a must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went almost 20 years without going on a week long child-free vacation. Our marriage was fine up to that point and we had an ok love life but there was no real romance. We went to Vancouver/BC and we had the most wonderful time staying in luxury hotels and B&Bs. We may not have had sex every night but what we had definitely restarted the romance. Since then vacations are a must.

Thank you! I’m on it.

[Anonymous]

Try going for her booty-hole. That’ll really spice it up. First play with it finger-wise then get to licking. Don’t understand how men aren’t already doing this tbh I think it’s a requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

NP. Deep into our 40s. After me dropping hints, my DH of over 15 years took up my suggestion to open the marriage for a bit. Got it out of my system (with a somewhat younger guy on the periphery of our friend group) and all is good and hot now.

Did your husband get to take advantage of his temporary freedom?
Did you go off with this other person privately or was this a collaborative with your H?
Any regrets?
Why did you stop?

He did not, although he was welcome to do so. Not a collaborative session. No regrets, and I stopped because I got it out of my system (and the other guy was fine with this). Now, to be fair, this worked in our circumstances. Did my open minded DH get jealous? Yes, I think so. But that jealousy sparked things up between us and it’s lasting. Might not work for everyone, of course. We had had talks, off and on, about whether monogamy was natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

NP. Deep into our 40s. After me dropping hints, my DH of over 15 years took up my suggestion to open the marriage for a bit. Got it out of my system (with a somewhat younger guy on the periphery of our friend group) and all is good and hot now.

Did your husband get to take advantage of his temporary freedom?
Did you go off with this other person privately or was this a collaborative with your H?
Any regrets?
Why did you stop?

He did not, although he was welcome to do so. Not a collaborative session. No regrets, and I stopped because I got it out of my system (and the other guy was fine with this). Now, to be fair, this worked in our circumstances. Did my open minded DH get jealous? Yes, I think so. But that jealousy sparked things up between us and it’s lasting. Might not work for everyone, of course. We had had talks, off and on, about whether monogamy was natural.

Re: monogamy, life is so much longer now — as in the human lifespan — that it’s a bit unrealistic to think one person is going to be everything for the whole time. That’s not to say you need to sleep around, or not have a primary commitment. But I would rather my husband acknowledge his needs and feelings to himself than to repress it. It seems pretty normal that after a long time a crush or two would come about, and it would probably make my husband more attractive to me if he just allowed himself to be a full person and enjoy the feelings (within limits). Acting on it is different, we would have to be in a certain place in our relationship. I could imagine if the right situation and cleared with me first it could make things better between us, as I would see him in that light again and not just as a co-parent and husband. Every person is a mystery and a good marriage has to keep that spark alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try going for her booty-hole. That’ll really spice it up. First play with it finger-wise then get to licking. Don’t understand how men aren’t already doing this tbh I think it’s a requirement.

Time to take your pills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 25 years, I hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on a regular basis.
I know after 25 years the butterflies are not coming back but I would love to find a way to seduce my wife again for lack of a better term.
After 25 years there have certainly been some arguments and I am positive there’s plenty of resentment that she has but there have been no major betrayals or base level infractions that would make our relationship unrecoverable

I’ve read about 180s on here before, is there a 180 for reigniting a spark between a husband and a wife?
Did any of your husband‘s turn the world around for you?

**Before someone answers we are not going to open the marriage**

How did you guys connect in the first place? Is she more of a physical, emotional, or mental person? Seduction is about meeting a person where they are.