Wife seduction

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together for 25 years, I hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on a regular basis.
I know after 25 years the butterflies are not coming back but I would love to find a way to seduce my wife again for lack of a better term.
After 25 years there have certainly been some arguments and I am positive there’s plenty of resentment that she has but there have been no major betrayals or base level infractions that would make our relationship unrecoverable

I’ve read about 180s on here before, is there a 180 for reigniting a spark between a husband and a wife?
Did any of your husband‘s turn the world around for you?

**Before someone answers we are not going to open the marriage**

[Anonymous]

Plan a special vacation to a new destination.

[Anonymous]

How many kids?

Are you still attractive?

[Anonymous]

Also do you feel butterflies in any other context?

[Anonymous]

How is your hygiene? I mean this kindly but men seem to let hygiene slip with age and get a stink to them. Do you brush your teeth at least twice a day plus mouthwash? Shower daily? Wear clean clothes every day, not the “I only wore it for a short time yesterday (and the day before…)” crap. Wear nicer casual clothes, not joggers and such?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your hygiene? I mean this kindly but men seem to let hygiene slip with age and get a stink to them. Do you brush your teeth at least twice a day plus mouthwash? Shower daily? Wear clean clothes every day, not the “I only wore it for a short time yesterday (and the day before…)” crap. Wear nicer casual clothes, not joggers and such?

Two showers, brush and SmartMouth, deodorant; always clean clothes, I don’t do reruns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids?

Are you still attractive?

Three comma there’s a little salt and pepper in my hair but I’m the same weight I was when we got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also do you feel butterflies in any other context?

About nine years ago we went away on vacation just the two of us with no kids, it was like we were newlyweds again (she came home pregnant) and that lasted for an easy three or four years.

I think that’s the answer, I’m going to figure out what to do with our kids so we can go away for a week; we don’t have any close family nearby I wonder if I can hire a babysitter to stay there for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 25 years, I hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on a regular basis.
I know after 25 years the butterflies are not coming back but I would love to find a way to seduce my wife again for lack of a better term.
After 25 years there have certainly been some arguments and I am positive there’s plenty of resentment that she has but there have been no major betrayals or base level infractions that would make our relationship unrecoverable

I’ve read about 180s on here before, is there a 180 for reigniting a spark between a husband and a wife?
Did any of your husband‘s turn the world around for you?

**Before someone answers we are not going to open the marriage**

If one spouse has to do all the work in this department the resentment just builds up. Does she do anything to seduce you? At some point it becomes demeaning …good luck.

[Anonymous]

Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

[Anonymous]

What changed for me were a few things. 1. Husband backed off. Feeling obligated to have sex is the worst for my libido. He still wanted it but I didn’t feel pressure after that. 2. I got furious at him for something (only time in 14 years I have ever been that upset) and we worked through it. This is weird but I realize now that even though we spent fun times together and had a happy marriage, our emotional connection had gotten more superficial. 3. Romance novels and erotica. Goodness I love smutty books so much.

Not sure if you can do any of these things. I would read the book Come As You Are just so you can understand what factors going into your wife’s desire. It is a little complicated but if you can pass a college level class you can definitely learn this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 25 years, I hug her, kiss her and tell her how hot she might look in something on a regular basis.
I know after 25 years the butterflies are not coming back but I would love to find a way to seduce my wife again for lack of a better term.
After 25 years there have certainly been some arguments and I am positive there’s plenty of resentment that she has but there have been no major betrayals or base level infractions that would make our relationship unrecoverable

I’ve read about 180s on here before, is there a 180 for reigniting a spark between a husband and a wife?
Did any of your husband‘s turn the world around for you?

**Before someone answers we are not going to open the marriage**

If one spouse has to do all the work in this department the resentment just builds up. Does she do anything to seduce you? At some point it becomes demeaning …good luck.

No, I’m the one that wants things to be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

I was reading something in bed and I asked her if she had ever come close to cheating or if she even just bumped into someone that she would’ve made out with or slept with right then; she said she’s met/noticed really handsome guys before but never. Then she asked the same of me and I said that I’ve had a few flirtations but never came close.
She asked me why I was asking her this and I told her I was just curious but I let her know that if it ever happened I almost be happy for her after 25 years of marriage and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me, she replied the same to me. She said something about how at this point she was secure with our life and that some outside fun wouldn’t threaten anything.
She’s semi-open to it I guess but I’m not interested in watching the kids so my wife can go out on a date, if we did anything we would do it as a couple.

[Anonymous]

You are coming at this from a zero leverage position. She’s fine with the status quo of (let me guess) monthly sex. That will change only when you provide a sufficient reason. No: it is impossible for a long term husband to “seduce” his uninterested wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. I am in my 40s. My libido is through the roof.

You mentioned resentment. I think honestly it is easier after so many years to fantasize about someone with whom you don’t have the daily grind and friction. Three kids is a lot, she is probably overwhelmed mentally. How much are you around with the kids?

Re: not opening the marriage — you seem to have strong feelings about that. My husband and I have discussed it and although I don’t know what that would look like, I’m not completely opposed as I might have been at one point. For one thing I don’t think I would leave my husband. But different relationships bring different life perspectives. Maybe things feel stagnant after a while with the same person because you need to grow as individuals.

I was reading something in bed and I asked her if she had ever come close to cheating or if she even just bumped into someone that she would’ve made out with or slept with right then; she said she’s met/noticed really handsome guys before but never. Then she asked the same of me and I said that I’ve had a few flirtations but never came close.
She asked me why I was asking her this and I told her I was just curious but I let her know that if it ever happened I almost be happy for her after 25 years of marriage and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me, she replied the same to me. She said something about how at this point she was secure with our life and that some outside fun wouldn’t threaten anything.
She’s semi-open to it I guess but I’m not interested in watching the kids so my wife can go out on a date, if we did anything we would do it as a couple.

PP here. That’s about where I am… after so many years your spouse is family and not going anywhere.

At our age you have to cut the BS. I confessed to a friend recently about a harmless exchange that I think would have been more at a different time and place. She said that it’s healthy to keep that energy alive. Life is to live open heartedly and without fear. I believe in honesty and loyalty too much to cheat. But if you feel it and you’re able to be honest with yourself about it then you can learn from it.

Anyway, sounds like your communication is solid and you trust each other. So just take it from there.