My sister and family are miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, make sure your sister is aware of the new expanded child tax credit. If she's filed before, she could begin receiving checks next month. If she's a non-filer due to low income, she might not be aware of this new benefit and that she needs to be in the system to get this cash refund. If she has 2 kids under 17, this would be $3,000 per child to her next spring. Here is more info:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/child-tax-credit/

And the non-filers' portal is here:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/child-tax-credit/sign-up/

Thank you. She is a filer (I do her taxes) and she is aware of the benefits. It was thanks to the administration she was able to get a larger refund due to unemployment not being taxed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. This sounds very difficult for your sister's family and for you.

If you're both open to this, you could brainstorm solutions to the financial issue with her. Maybe she could look for a job, if she doesn't have one, or look for a different job. If she's spending too much on certain things that are unimportant, she can take steps to address that.

Maybe she has depression or another mental health issue. If she is open to talking to her doctor about it, it could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if her feet hurting is an excuse to not go out and spend money on this vacation (since you paid for their trip and hotel).

[Anonymous]

OP here is the text from a Facebook post from an activist / former Catholic priest, Father Nathan Monk. Thought of your sister and family when I read it today:

"Y’all, I’ve been not having a good mental health month. It’s been some real wild ups and downs. I go to therapy. I do all the things I’m supposed to do. And you know what, I have a really super unpopular opinion.

Most of my problems could be fixed with money.

And honestly, so could most of ours.

I am in now way saying this to downplay the reality of chemical imbalances. I absolutely suffer from that as well and, frankly, it’s miserable. Depression can creep up out of nowhere and grab you by the throat. Not all depression is situational. It’s important to say that.

But I swear to Christ going on a vacation would help.

Having my car worked on would help. Being able to fix the hole in my back porch would help. Going for a steak and potatoes right now would help. Being able to go to the dentist or get that mole I’m worried about checked would help. Getting to the end of the month and still being able to put gas in the car would help. Never having to worry about having enough food would help. Being able to afford to go to therapy more regularly would help. Not having to choose food over therapy sometimes would help. Being confident in always being able to pay the bills would help.

Whenever people say, “money doesn’t buy happiness” they are lying and probably rich.

Sure, you can’t walk into the store and say, “I I’d like some happiness please!” But you know what you can do!

Say yes to your kids when they ask for that candy bar. Go on that dream vacation. Pay off your mountains of debt. Get yourself a donut when you really wanted one. Not have to struggle every single month balancing which bill is most important. Take a day off without crippling guilt that you could have done more.

The other night I had a dream. It was a hyper realistic dream and I was going into a gas station to put gas in my car. I had exactly $40 in my hand and I thought, “this isn’t even enough for a full tank, what’s the point.” I asked for a scratch off and put the rest on pump one. I leaned up against the car as the pump slowly put in the gas.

I pulled a penny from my pocket and scratched.

I won a million dollars.

I spend the rest of the dream having my car towed away to be fixed and scheduling doctors appointments and paying off debt.

And I was happy.

Then I woke up.

I’m not saying all of my problems, or yours, or the worlds, could be fixed with money. I don’t think it would actually cure my depression or anxiety. But I do know that all these others stresses, they aren’t helping. So yeah, money can’t buy you happiness I guess. But it can buy you enough security to go looking for it in all the places it can be found.

We weren’t meant to live like this. There’s got to be a better way. Maybe we’ll find it. Until then, “no worries.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight, OP. You swept in, paid for a hotel, and assume that the sister and her family are super grateful to be crammed together into a hotel room, all for the purpose of getting to see you when it is convenient for you during the trip. They appear miserable to you, and...you conclude that this is the way they are all the time? Is that right?

Did OP force them to travel to her with a gun to their heads? Sister and family could’ve declined the generous offer.

Could they really, though? They are poor. They probably receive other help from the wealthy sister. I am sure it is very difficult to be the poor sibling and have to accept help from such a condescending, judgemental person as the OP. Perhaps they poor sister doesn't want to spend time with her judgy older sis, but knows that ultimately she needs to avoid burning bridges for the sake of her family. There is a lot more going on here and a lot more at stake than just accepting a free hotel room for the weekend.

Where exactly was I judging them? Please, tell me, I would love to know. I said not ONE WORD about blaming her or acting like she should’ve been more grateful. I didn’t expect a thing back nor did I say I couldn’t understand why they were miserable. OF COURSE I understand why. I am sad and wondering what I can do for them, besides just being there. And yes, I never forced her to come up. She offered to take vacation time and come up to see me since we haven’t seen each other in years. I did not pay for a small room for them; we each had suites and they all had their own beds. This wasn’t some luxury hotel, it was an Embassy Suites with plenty of room for all of us. I’m sorry I didn’t provide each and every detail but as usual, DCUMers have to see an OP as always in the wrong. Thanks to those who offered supportive and sympathetic comments. I appreciate them.

OP, next time, give your sister the money you spent on this trip and FaceTime her. Read the toothpaste story above. They are probably mentally thinking of what bill they could pay with one meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight, OP. You swept in, paid for a hotel, and assume that the sister and her family are super grateful to be crammed together into a hotel room, all for the purpose of getting to see you when it is convenient for you during the trip. They appear miserable to you, and...you conclude that this is the way they are all the time? Is that right?

Did OP force them to travel to her with a gun to their heads? Sister and family could’ve declined the generous offer.

Could they really, though? They are poor. They probably receive other help from the wealthy sister. I am sure it is very difficult to be the poor sibling and have to accept help from such a condescending, judgemental person as the OP. Perhaps they poor sister doesn't want to spend time with her judgy older sis, but knows that ultimately she needs to avoid burning bridges for the sake of her family. There is a lot more going on here and a lot more at stake than just accepting a free hotel room for the weekend.

Where exactly was I judging them? Please, tell me, I would love to know. I said not ONE WORD about blaming her or acting like she should’ve been more grateful. I didn’t expect a thing back nor did I say I couldn’t understand why they were miserable. OF COURSE I understand why. I am sad and wondering what I can do for them, besides just being there. And yes, I never forced her to come up. She offered to take vacation time and come up to see me since we haven’t seen each other in years. I did not pay for a small room for them; we each had suites and they all had their own beds. This wasn’t some luxury hotel, it was an Embassy Suites with plenty of room for all of us. I’m sorry I didn’t provide each and every detail but as usual, DCUMers have to see an OP as always in the wrong. Thanks to those who offered supportive and sympathetic comments. I appreciate them.

OP, next time, give your sister the money you spent on this trip and FaceTime her. Read the toothpaste story above. They are probably mentally thinking of what bill they could pay with one meal.

It's not OP to hand her sister a stack of cash and ask her how she would like to spend it. OP wanted to spend money to see her sister and family, and sister accepted. OP is already givingi what she can through loans and helping out with things like filing her taxes. Why are you making the OP to be the bad guy in this situation? I don't think anyone is the bad guy in this scenario, to be honest. But let's address the issue that OP raised, not blame her for not throwing cash at someone.