My sister and family are miserable
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Anonymous
| So my sister and I live in different states and don’t see each other very often due to distance and money (she can’t afford to travel). I knew that she and I lived very different lives in basically every way but I am in her hometown for work and so I paid for a hotel room for her and her kids to come visit me. We have spent the last couple days together in and around my work meetings and it has dawned on me how different we really are. It’s all the little things like their hotel room is a mess, they don’t want to do anything much, they hate the city. But the biggest thing is how much of a drag they are. There’s no happiness, no laughing, not even smiling. My 21 year old niece and I just walked to get some food and all she did was ask how far it was and how her feet hurt. It was like all my energy was being sucked out of me just being around her and my sister. They are never happy! I know this isn’t my problem to solve (and I can’t), but it has dawned on me and it’s just made me terribly sad. Not for me as much but for them. To be that miserable all the time…it’s just no way to live. Her biggest worry is money and I have lent her plenty in the past (right now she owes me $1k as she waits for her tax refund) but I don’t know, I feel like just getting more money isn’t going to make her happy. I don’t know. Sorry, this is really just a sad vent. |
Anonymous
| I've known people like this, OP. It's really heartbreaking. I'm sorry. Maybe at least try to break down walls with her kids to let them know it can/will get better. Sounds like maybe your sister could be severely depressed. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP. This sounds like another situation where the parent's depression/anxiety/non-motivation has transferred to the offspring. There are people like this in my family. Kudos to you for being kind and generous. It's hard. |
Anonymous
|
They may just be stressed out. It’s hard to enjoy even a vacation if you’re stressed out and have a list of obligations to get through…
Is she an Ok planner? Maybe she needs some kind of organizer at home or housekeeper come 1-3x a week for a couple hours to pick up, do laundry, cook a meal? |
Anonymous
| I have a sister like this, married and with kids. Has a good husband who provided everything, but nothing makes her happy. She is very discontented and wants to know how we can be happy with our stresses (money, health, etc.) I try to tell her that you can find joy in little things. Maybe the kids make your laugh, or it's a beautiful day. It is hard doing things with her because she is very negative. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for your replies. I am trying to stay close with everyone but it is hard to watch and stay positive. |
Anonymous
Don't you love it when posters come up with off-the-cuff remarks like this that clearly demonstrate that they have 1) no patience or ability to thoroughly read posts; or 2) a complete lack of understanding of how other people live? PP, what part of OP's post stating that the sister has money problems, to the point that she is awaiting a tax refund to repay a $1,000 loan, did you miss? Does this sound like the kind of person who could afford a home organizer, or a housekeeper to come 3 times a week to cook her meals? |
Anonymous
| I have also tried being really attentive to my sister, sending cards and texts and calling her. I just want her to know that I do care and maybe that will help give her some happiness. I think she feels alone because the rest of the family can get impatient. They are a very happy go lucky bunch and amazingly resilient, expecting people to just "bounce back" from whatever is bothering them. |
Anonymous
| I wonder about the "vacation" set-up. Are they staying in a hotel room (that you paid for) in the town where they live? And they're waiting around to spend time with you between your meetings? Sounds like a difficult setting to see their true colors. |
Anonymous
Agree with the first sentence of this. You may have no idea of their daily struggles. Some people don’t enjoy travel or maybe they felt uncomfortable that you paid. |
Anonymous
I have a good idea of her daily struggles. And yes; she is very stressed, they all are. But no, they can’t afford to have a cleaner or anything like that. Her AGI last year was under $20,000. My sister was fine with me paying for her hotel room. We did get some time to talk this morning about some of her biggest stressors. The thing is, they’re all huge things with no easy solution. I guess that’s the hardest part for me. |
Anonymous
This absolutely describes my parents and my childhood growing up. It’s really sad and I don’t really like visiting. |
Anonymous
| Well, good on you for getting out and breaking away from that life. |
Anonymous
|
Don't discount the difficulty of living with under $20,000 a year.
From 2010: "People say money doesn't buy happiness. Except, according to a new study from Princeton University's Woodrow Wilson School, it sort of does up to about $75,000 a year. The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness." http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2019628,00.html |
Anonymous
| It's hard to enjoy life when you barely have enough money to live OP. |