UGH. Hotel with adjoining rooms.

[Anonymous]

It could be a situation where MIL didn’t specify adjoining rooms, but the hotel put you together anyway. That’s happened to me when I’ve booked two rooms under my name before.

I think the appropriate response to the boundary violation is to just keep the door closed. The whining will stop if you stop reacting to it.

Then do whatever you need to do to be a decent person for the rest of the vacation. Have a drink or two at the pool, go for a long run, get a massage, pop an Ativan: whatever it takes.

Packing up and leaving early is a little over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband always let his parents walk all over him like this? He seriously isn’t going to confront them about this?

We decided together to stay for two nights so as not to have wasted the time we spent driving, then surprise them the morning of by checking out early. He will then tell them we dislike the adjoining dynamic and we felt very disrespected by it, so we’re leaving early. Then, when future travel requests come up, we’ll simply say we’re not interested, but they are welcome to visit us.

We will still travel to visit them for holidays and such, but if they cross our boundaries in their home, we’ll move to hotel-only when visiting them.

That sounds hurtful.

It’s also passive aggressive and immature. Why not sit down and explain why you don’t want adjoining rooms? Or is it just because of cupcake crumbs? Because if that’s what it is, stop traveling and visiting them.

I chat with you admittedly “mild mannered” DH. And If he is as out of touch with his feelings as you seem, he probably did not clearly state your wants. He probably passively said something to the effect of “don’t worry about/we don’t necessarily need a joining rooms” and their response was fine.

Sounds like your in-laws are trying to have a good relationship with you and your DH. If it’s just two nights in a hotel room, that seems very doable from both sides. Of course you don’t have to, but you could sit down and try to explain to them WHY you don’t want joining rooms. If they’re reasonable people they’ll listen. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Respect each other‘s as people. Going it Your way you are signing up for a forever long tense relationship with your in-laws. I think people want or expect bad IL Relationships. It Doesn’t have to be that way.

People suck up, bite their tongues, and deal with things when it comes to work and people they are not close to. and treat family worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be a situation where MIL didn’t specify adjoining rooms, but the hotel put you together anyway. That’s happened to me when I’ve booked two rooms under my name before.

I think the appropriate response to the boundary violation is to just keep the door closed. The whining will stop if you stop reacting to it.

Then do whatever you need to do to be a decent person for the rest of the vacation. Have a drink or two at the pool, go for a long run, get a massage, pop an Ativan: whatever it takes.

Packing up and leaving early is a little over the top.

No it’s not if the booking was made deliberately against their wishes, and/or the knocking and whining doesn’t stop when they keep the door closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband always let his parents walk all over him like this? He seriously isn’t going to confront them about this?

We decided together to stay for two nights so as not to have wasted the time we spent driving, then surprise them the morning of by checking out early. He will then tell them we dislike the adjoining dynamic and we felt very disrespected by it, so we’re leaving early. Then, when future travel requests come up, we’ll simply say we’re not interested, but they are welcome to visit us.

We will still travel to visit them for holidays and such, but if they cross our boundaries in their home, we’ll move to hotel-only when visiting them.

How immature and passive aggressive. Grown people mature people would have expressed their dislike when they saw what was done. When they saw a joining rooms they would’ve said hey I thought we said no adjoining rooms?”, what happened??
Buttttt no, you all doing some baby acting mess by leaving early in YOUR VACATION. How dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband always let his parents walk all over him like this? He seriously isn’t going to confront them about this?

We decided together to stay for two nights so as not to have wasted the time we spent driving, then surprise them the morning of by checking out early. He will then tell them we dislike the adjoining dynamic and we felt very disrespected by it, so we’re leaving early. Then, when future travel requests come up, we’ll simply say we’re not interested, but they are welcome to visit us.

We will still travel to visit them for holidays and such, but if they cross our boundaries in their home, we’ll move to hotel-only when visiting them.

How immature and passive aggressive. Grown people mature people would have expressed their dislike when they saw what was done. When they saw a joining rooms they would’ve said hey I thought we said no adjoining rooms?”, what happened??
Buttttt no, you all doing some baby acting mess by leaving early in YOUR VACATION. How dumb.

What’s dumb is ignoring the express wishes of your traveling companions.

[Anonymous]

Just lock the door and ignore the knocking. But I never would have gone to begin with.

[Anonymous]

On the bright side, at least your husband gets that his parents are obnoxious and is equally pissed. The worst is when you’re all alone and really have a spouse problem.

[Anonymous]

All you youngins' out there take note: this is what happens when you marry a pansy.

Don't be like OP.
Don't marry a man child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband always let his parents walk all over him like this? He seriously isn’t going to confront them about this?

We decided together to stay for two nights so as not to have wasted the time we spent driving, then surprise them the morning of by checking out early. He will then tell them we dislike the adjoining dynamic and we felt very disrespected by it, so we’re leaving early. Then, when future travel requests come up, we’ll simply say we’re not interested, but they are welcome to visit us.

We will still travel to visit them for holidays and such, but if they cross our boundaries in their home, we’ll move to hotel-only when visiting them.

That sounds hurtful.

It’s also passive aggressive and immature. Why not sit down and explain why you don’t want adjoining rooms? Or is it just because of cupcake crumbs? Because if that’s what it is, stop traveling and visiting them.

I chat with you admittedly “mild mannered” DH. And If he is as out of touch with his feelings as you seem, he probably did not clearly state your wants. He probably passively said something to the effect of “don’t worry about/we don’t necessarily need a joining rooms” and their response was fine.

Sounds like your in-laws are trying to have a good relationship with you and your DH. If it’s just two nights in a hotel room, that seems very doable from both sides. Of course you don’t have to, but you could sit down and try to explain to them WHY you don’t want joining rooms. If they’re reasonable people they’ll listen. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Respect each other‘s as people. Going it Your way you are signing up for a forever long tense relationship with your in-laws. I think people want or expect bad IL Relationships. It Doesn’t have to be that way.

People suck up, bite their tongues, and deal with things when it comes to work and people they are not close to. and treat family worse.

Thanks for your fiction. The facts are that we have listed the reasons why, and was very clear. They chose to ignore. Those are the facts. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you youngins' out there take note: this is what happens when you marry a pansy.

Don't be like OP.
Don't marry a man child.

Wow, nice homophobic slur.

My husband clearly communicated with his parents. We have both clearly stated why we don’t like adjoining rooms.

They chose to ignore. We choose to leave early and never go on trips with them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you youngins' out there take note: this is what happens when you marry a pansy.

Don't be like OP.
Don't marry a man child.

Wow, nice homophobic slur.

My husband clearly communicated with his parents. We have both clearly stated why we don’t like adjoining rooms.

They chose to ignore. We choose to leave early and never go on trips with them again.

So what happened, OP? Have you left yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you youngins' out there take note: this is what happens when you marry a pansy.

Don't be like OP.
Don't marry a man child.

Wow, nice homophobic slur.

My husband clearly communicated with his parents. We have both clearly stated why we don’t like adjoining rooms.

They chose to ignore. We choose to leave early and never go on trips with them again.

So what happened, OP? Have you left yet?

Yes, we are on the way home. They were upset and said “we thought you’d like the adjoining rooms when you actually saw them.” Oh well. What’s done is done. Our vacation days are too precious to waste like this. We’re staying in a nice Annapolis hotel on our way home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have gone down to the front desk and changed rooms.

We tried and it wasn’t possible. After that, we talked and came up with our early checkout plan.

Not OP. Bringing this forward because it seems to have been missed in the scramble above.

A hotel is fully booked in the pandemic? Where is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be a situation where MIL didn’t specify adjoining rooms, but the hotel put you together anyway. That’s happened to me when I’ve booked two rooms under my name before.

I think the appropriate response to the boundary violation is to just keep the door closed. The whining will stop if you stop reacting to it.

Then do whatever you need to do to be a decent person for the rest of the vacation. Have a drink or two at the pool, go for a long run, get a massage, pop an Ativan: whatever it takes.

Packing up and leaving early is a little over the top.

No it’s not if the booking was made deliberately against their wishes, and/or the knocking and whining doesn’t stop when they keep the door closed.

Keep the door closed. I mean they could be knocking at the front door all the time too.

If the option is knocking and whining versus IL you hate in your room, that’s easy choice.

[Anonymous]

Just keep the door closed. Tell them you prefer it that way.

I understand that your ILs have crossed a boundary here but the reason it’s happening is that you are not enforcing it. You’re literally refusing to close the door.