I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.e

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

I have never heard of Ranger panties and the only guys I know that ever wore short shorts were gay guys (looking to attract male gaze) or runner looking for functionality. And I hear the European thing all the time and I think it’s BS—I lived in Spain for a while and never had my ass grabbed as much or was catcalled as much as when I lived there. (Same for my friend that lived in Italy.). If you’re saying that European men somehow don’t see breasts as sexual, I think the entire oevre of European film contradicts you. European women tend to be comfortable with the idea of attracting the male gaze and being seen as a sexual object (see also the historical popularity of high heels in Europe which serve no purpose other than sexualization of the female leg). Maybe that’s fine….but acting like the purpose is not, at least in part, to attract male attention seems to me utterly naive.
Look, I wore crop tops and mini skirts throughout the 80s as a teen. But I knew at the time and I know now that was to flaunt my bona fides as a female and hopefully attract attention as such. It may be an inevitable part of the maturation process. But I’m not buying the pitch that it does not have a sexualized element. I think it holds a problematic place in maintaining the patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

Please... we might as well pop out men's eyes. Ain't gonna happen, ever.

Also, this is a 13 yr old girl we are talking about, dressing to show off her body. That's not appropriate.

Also, my DH is from the UK, and he recently went to his friend's house, and their 13 yr old girl was wearing a tube top. She is very large chested. He found the way she dressed inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

How much money does she have? This seems unusual for a 13 year old.

Have some rules: she dresses one way out with you and for school, etc and she can wear her hoochie clothes with her friends, as 13 year olds do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a new trend. Check out some teen styles from the 70s and you'll see what I mean. Skintight jeans, crop tops, short shorts, halters, etc. Teens will push boundaries. It's what they do.

The 70s are back. According to my 13 yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

I would not allow crop tops. Oh god that is so trashy looking on a tween gross.

I’m a pretty old-fashioned mom in general, but I think if there’s ever a time to rock a crop top, it’s when you’re 13. And that’s a teen, not a tween.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don’t buy the clothes. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Trashy seems to be more in fashion these days. Go through and weed out all the shorts that are too small. Buy her some new large shorts.

[Anonymous]

Just don't post pics of her on social media in this stuff. My SIL does this all the time. Let the teenagers show off their bodies to their fellow students, but don't post it on social media for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

Please... we might as well pop out men's eyes. Ain't gonna happen, ever.

Also, this is a 13 yr old girl we are talking about, dressing to show off her body. That's not appropriate.

Also, my DH is from the UK, and he recently went to his friend's house, and their 13 yr old girl was wearing a tube top. She is very large chested. He found the way she dressed inappropriate.

So females have to alter how they dress because men can’t control themselves? Hello, rape culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t buy the clothes. Problem solved.

So you dress your 13 year old or insist she buy clothes you prefer?

[Anonymous]

In the 90s we wore shorts with oversized t-shirts. Seems normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

Please... we might as well pop out men's eyes. Ain't gonna happen, ever.

Also, this is a 13 yr old girl we are talking about, dressing to show off her body. That's not appropriate.

Also, my DH is from the UK, and he recently went to his friend's house, and their 13 yr old girl was wearing a tube top. She is very large chested. He found the way she dressed inappropriate.

So females have to alter how they dress because men can’t control themselves? Hello, rape culture.

Females should be careful when they go out, period. That's just reality. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but that's not reality, and you do a disservice to your DD if you don't teach her what real life is like.

Please teach your DD that if she walks down a dark alley at night, she may get mugged or worse. So, don't do it.

Please teach your DD that if she gets rip roaring drunk, she is an easy target for getting raped.

Please teach your DD that if you display your wares, there are pervy men who will look. No one has the right to touch you, but you can't stop them from looking unless you gouge their eyes out.

I'd love life to be all puppy dogs and rainbows, where there is no rape, girls aren't sexualized, every child is loved and has plenty to eat, but that's not reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the 90s we wore shorts with oversized t-shirts. Seems normal to me.

maybe it's the length of shorts that OP has a problem with.

But yes, overized shirts in and of itself is not new. I wore them in the 80s too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 90s we wore shorts with oversized t-shirts. Seems normal to me.

maybe it's the length of shorts that OP has a problem with.

But yes, overized shirts in and of itself is not new. I wore them in the 80s too.

If the OP has issues with this, then I don’t know what to say.

We also wore cut offs in the 80s and short shorts in the 90s, albeit not to school 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

shop with her at Urban Outfitters. they have lots of cute items that you will both like. a little pricey, but everyone is happy!