I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

Its her money correct? Then you dont really have a say. You are making a fight about her independence and thats going to go sideways. She is buying crop tops not mushrooms.

She knows you think they look trashy because you are saying too revealing and too mature. You need to start to have REAL and HONEST conversations with your daughter about the balances that females have to make. If she is a dancer or swimmer she has already been in skintight revealing outfits, so there is hypocrisy at play here. Its not her body its the clothes but you are also saying the clothes are how she is being judged. These are really NUANCED conversations that are important to have. I mean you can talk about how the world wants women to cover up and its ingrained and how some people think that the way someone dresses reflects how they should be treated. There is some truth to that. Just as there are trashier outfits there are power outfits. No one deserves to be treated poorly because of the way they dress but it happens- she needs to be aware of things she CAN control and the things she cant control are other peoples reactions to her. She may like that she is looked at and desired. You see her as 13- her brain is not fully developed but the body develops faster than our brains do. Her body signals reproduction if she has breasts and hips, which is sexual.
Look at the school in FL that took the yearbook photos and covered up girls who had ANY amount of cleavage showing. https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/25/us/florida-yearbook-photos-altered-trnd/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

Its her money correct? Then you dont really have a say. You are making a fight about her independence and thats going to go sideways. She is buying crop tops not mushrooms.

She knows you think they look trashy because you are saying too revealing and too mature. You need to start to have REAL and HONEST conversations with your daughter about the balances that females have to make. If she is a dancer or swimmer she has already been in skintight revealing outfits, so there is hypocrisy at play here. Its not her body its the clothes but you are also saying the clothes are how she is being judged. These are really NUANCED conversations that are important to have. I mean you can talk about how the world wants women to cover up and its ingrained and how some people think that the way someone dresses reflects how they should be treated. There is some truth to that. Just as there are trashier outfits there are power outfits. No one deserves to be treated poorly because of the way they dress but it happens- she needs to be aware of things she CAN control and the things she cant control are other peoples reactions to her. She may like that she is looked at and desired. You see her as 13- her brain is not fully developed but the body develops faster than our brains do. Her body signals reproduction if she has breasts and hips, which is sexual.
Look at the school in FL that took the yearbook photos and covered up girls who had ANY amount of cleavage showing. https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/25/us/florida-yearbook-photos-altered-trnd/index.html

You make a lot of good points but you are delusional if you don’t think a parent has a say over a 13 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is dressing trashy. And stomps off when it is pointed out. Disrespectful.

Getting good grades is a normal expectation from all kids. This is not something worth getting a nobel prize for. And it does not absolve her of disrespectful behavior.

PP, are you currently a parent of a teen girl? I guess not because they ALL are dressing trashy these days. Crop tops are in, and so are tight shorts with oversized Ts that do look like there're no pants underneath.
OP, I hear you. I let my teen wear those 'trashy' outfits as long as she's not wearing them to school/events/family gatherings. If she wants to wear them to go to Starbucks with her friends, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

Its her money correct? Then you dont really have a say. You are making a fight about her independence and thats going to go sideways. She is buying crop tops not mushrooms.

She knows you think they look trashy because you are saying too revealing and too mature. You need to start to have REAL and HONEST conversations with your daughter about the balances that females have to make. If she is a dancer or swimmer she has already been in skintight revealing outfits, so there is hypocrisy at play here. Its not her body its the clothes but you are also saying the clothes are how she is being judged. These are really NUANCED conversations that are important to have. I mean you can talk about how the world wants women to cover up and its ingrained and how some people think that the way someone dresses reflects how they should be treated. There is some truth to that. Just as there are trashier outfits there are power outfits. No one deserves to be treated poorly because of the way they dress but it happens- she needs to be aware of things she CAN control and the things she cant control are other peoples reactions to her. She may like that she is looked at and desired. You see her as 13- her brain is not fully developed but the body develops faster than our brains do. Her body signals reproduction if she has breasts and hips, which is sexual.
Look at the school in FL that took the yearbook photos and covered up girls who had ANY amount of cleavage showing. https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/25/us/florida-yearbook-photos-altered-trnd/index.html

You make a lot of good points but you are delusional if you don’t think a parent has a say over a 13 year old.

She will just hide it and shes smart enough to pull it off. You can either have open dialogues with your daughters or shame them. There really isnt an in-between and controlling the type of clothing they buy with their own money is not a hill worth dying on especially when you arent willing to have the type of conversations above. Helping a young girl love and respect the body that she is in pays dividends down the road. With social media nowadays you are going to have to have these conversations earlier and earlier its not like Dolly Partons time when they only trashily dressed woman she saw was the local prostitute who shed only see when they went into town and funnily enough even though people talked bad about the prostitute Dolly saw her and said I want to look like that when I am grown up. Irrespective of her clothing choices Dolly is talented, successful, and kind.
https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/why-your-kids-dont-owe-you-anything-for-parenting-them-8a7e1684e88

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

Its her money correct? Then you dont really have a say. You are making a fight about her independence and thats going to go sideways. She is buying crop tops not mushrooms.

She knows you think they look trashy because you are saying too revealing and too mature. You need to start to have REAL and HONEST conversations with your daughter about the balances that females have to make. If she is a dancer or swimmer she has already been in skintight revealing outfits, so there is hypocrisy at play here. Its not her body its the clothes but you are also saying the clothes are how she is being judged. These are really NUANCED conversations that are important to have. I mean you can talk about how the world wants women to cover up and its ingrained and how some people think that the way someone dresses reflects how they should be treated. There is some truth to that. Just as there are trashier outfits there are power outfits. No one deserves to be treated poorly because of the way they dress but it happens- she needs to be aware of things she CAN control and the things she cant control are other peoples reactions to her. She may like that she is looked at and desired. You see her as 13- her brain is not fully developed but the body develops faster than our brains do. Her body signals reproduction if she has breasts and hips, which is sexual.
Look at the school in FL that took the yearbook photos and covered up girls who had ANY amount of cleavage showing. https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/25/us/florida-yearbook-photos-altered-trnd/index.html

You make a lot of good points but you are delusional if you don’t think a parent has a say over a 13 year old.

DP here. I have raised two girls. They know how to dress appropriately for different occasion. If they are going out partying their clothes are certainly more body-con. But they are not wearing that when going for a walk around the neighborhood. Yes. You absolutely have a say over what a 13 yr old is wearing. You also have a say over what a 16 yr old is wearing.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should also dress exactly as she dresses. Tell her that you admire her style and want to twin with her. You can bet that she will straighten out in 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! What kind of parenting is happening that a 13 yr old has the balls to be so disrespectful?

Sorry. This is the kid you raised. This is directly the result of how much effort you put in the parenting from 0-13.

Clearly you don’t have teenagers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

+100.

I have a 13 year old who dresses as has been described above and I’m not wild about it, but I recognize that a lot of that is my slightly repressed immigrant background. So, I pick my hills to die on bc there is only so much you can nitpick about. So I leave the clothes but am on her tail about tone and attitude to family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should also dress exactly as she dresses. Tell her that you admire her style and want to twin with her. You can bet that she will straighten out in 5 minutes.

LOL! This is awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! What kind of parenting is happening that a 13 yr old has the balls to be so disrespectful?

Sorry. This is the kid you raised. This is directly the result of how much effort you put in the parenting from 0-13.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! What kind of parenting is happening that a 13 yr old has the balls to be so disrespectful?

Sorry. This is the kid you raised. This is directly the result of how much effort you put in the parenting from 0-13.

Go away.

I am going away, Mom! With my a$$ cheeks hanging out from my hot pants...

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like some mixed messages are being sent regarding clothing. It’s ok to wear tight and revealing clothes and it’s not ok to wear revealing clothes. And crop tops are ok if you pick them. But not when she chooses them.

I have a 13 year old (and older kids as well) and there would have to be a really good reason for me to pick a fight over clothes. Like maybe if they were trying to wear a swimsuit to church on a snowy Christmas Eve. There are enough things that really matter.

Also I hate the double standard - boys don’t need to wear a shirt but girls who wear crop tops reveal too much.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if that's just the style. All the shorts seem very short now and the girls wear oversized sweat shirts and kid like shoes.i don't think it looks cute either. It looks like they forgot to change their pajamas. I see this as being no different than low rider jeans when I was younger. Looking back low rider jeans were not cute but we all had them.