I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door.

This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way: you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys. You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules: no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.

PP, there is a word for your behavior toward your daughter, and it's slut-shaming. Stop doing this. You are only hurting her, her self-esteem, and her relationship with you. My dad was the same way with me and had very similar rules to yours and said very similar things (although back then short shorts weren't quite as short and underboob was not a thing). After I left college I left home and didn't even speak to him for almost 10 years, and after that just barely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! What kind of parenting is happening that a 13 yr old has the balls to be so disrespectful?

Sorry. This is the kid you raised. This is directly the result of how much effort you put in the parenting from 0-13.

Which part is disrespectful? She gets straight A’s in all honors classes abs glowing reviews from her teachers. She is a well-loved babysitter and mother’s helper in our neighborhood. Yes I dislike her clothing but I don’t see where that equates what you are saying.

OK. So you have no problem at all with her looking and dressing trashy? Then why post here?

Oh, you just want our advice? Well, if she is a good kid and well raised, then you can politely tell her to not wear these clothes and she will listen to you.

Oh, she is disrespectful and does not listen to you when you ask her politely? Well, you raised her. So go and burn her trashy clothes and get her clothes that adequately cover her T&A. Why is this so difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door.

This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way: you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys. You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules: no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.

PP, there is a word for your behavior toward your daughter, and it's slut-shaming. Stop doing this. You are only hurting her, her self-esteem, and her relationship with you. My dad was the same way with me and had very similar rules to yours and said very similar things (although back then short shorts weren't quite as short and underboob was not a thing). After I left college I left home and didn't even speak to him for almost 10 years, and after that just barely.

LOL! I am sure it is a huge loss to your dad!

[Anonymous]

Forget about teen girls, I am sometimes seeing mothers in ES and MS wearing absolutely inappropritate clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door.

This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way: you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys. You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules: no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.

PP, there is a word for your behavior toward your daughter, and it's slut-shaming. Stop doing this. You are only hurting her, her self-esteem, and her relationship with you. My dad was the same way with me and had very similar rules to yours and said very similar things (although back then short shorts weren't quite as short and underboob was not a thing). After I left college I left home and didn't even speak to him for almost 10 years, and after that just barely.

No shame in being an adult slut. Still not acceptable for a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door.

This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way: you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys. You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules: no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.

But did you say “you’re trying to look sexy” like it’s bad or wrong? I don’t think it’s bad or wrong. It makes no sense to me that we celebrate adult women for looking sexy in the ways we deem appropriate (which change by culture and time) and then turn around and shame a teen.

Is thick eyeliner shameful when a teen does it but a power move when Cleopatra did it? (Please don’t make a case against Cleopatra, I don’t care).

My point is that wanting to look sexy is normal and appropriate and it doesn’t make your teen an ape in heat.

Navigating how to do that in line with one’s own values and societies is hard enough to say nothing of obeying a mother from whom you will eventually be independent.

yes, it does. wanting it is normal biology. engulging it is reducing yourself to that biology ie being and presenting oneself as an ape in heat.

Well, if you think your teen is an ape in heat, she can hardly be blamed for rejecting your opinions on the matter.

not my teen, your teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, my father came at me for wearing a t shirt he thought was too tight. He said I was trying to attract boys.

He was partly right, but mostly I wanted to appear sexually attractive for social status and power, mainly with other girls and with boys with whom I had no intention of having sexual contact.

I was also in puberty and trying to figure out what my sexual identity even was because ultimately, it’s embrace or die at that point. You can’t put it off dealing with it forever.

I didn’t know how to articulate that then so I just screamed and slammed my door.

This is what I told DD about dressing in a revealing way: you are trying to attract that kind of attention, even as you have no intention of actually having sex with the boys. You still want people to think you look sexy.

Of course, she denies it, storms up stairs and slams the door.

My DD is now a sophomore and wears crop tops, but she wears a large sports bra underneath. I have two rules: no butt curve or underboob showing.

DD tells me what she wears is actually tame compared to some girls who wear basically a strapless bra to school, and shorts so tight and short that half their butt is hanging out.

I tell DD that I don't care what other girls are wearing.

PP, there is a word for your behavior toward your daughter, and it's slut-shaming. Stop doing this. You are only hurting her, her self-esteem, and her relationship with you. My dad was the same way with me and had very similar rules to yours and said very similar things (although back then short shorts weren't quite as short and underboob was not a thing). After I left college I left home and didn't even speak to him for almost 10 years, and after that just barely.

nothing wrong with slut-shaming. slut should be shamed. if we did more of it, we wouldn't have tens of thousand of young girls on only fans (not to mention - kardashians).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

And boys rarely dress in a revealing way! Look at their shorts.

Topless at the pool or beach sure, but in school etc boys are really covered up. This argument has beevr made any sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents pulled the whole “you’re not going out of the house dressed like THAT, young lady!” thing on me.

Joke was on them. I went in the extreme opposite direction to look as unappealing as possible. Shaved my head, wore only baggy clothes from the boys section, painted weird stripes across my face with face paint (since makeup wasn’t allowed), wore tons of old military gear from the surplus store. Rumors started flying around the other parents that I was on drugs and that I was trans. My parents FREAKED. My grandmother would cry every time she saw me. Suddenly a spaghetti strap tank top didn’t seem so bad. I remember them finally agreeing to take me shopping for more normal clothes and not batting an eye when I picked out short-shorts.

Not sure why we keep enforcing this double standard for girls. No one freaks out when a boy goes shirtless.

You sound incredibly self satisfied that you caused so much angst for your parents and (!) grandmother. Therefore, if you are an adult, it comes across as extremely immature. Please don’t give any advice to this OP. You are not qualified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

And boys rarely dress in a revealing way! Look at their shorts.

Topless at the pool or beach sure, but in school etc boys are really covered up. This argument has beevr made any sense to me.

+1 If DS was trying to wear super tight short shorts to school or a mesh tank top, I'd also think it was trashy. But there is no comparison to guys because they're all covered up. The time and place for skin is at the beach and pool. Not in public.

Has anyone ever considered that by convincing women that dressing provocatively is the way to combat misogyny, we're playing right into what men want to see most? Without them doing the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

And boys rarely dress in a revealing way! Look at their shorts.

Topless at the pool or beach sure, but in school etc boys are really covered up. This argument has beevr made any sense to me.

+1 If DS was trying to wear super tight short shorts to school or a mesh tank top, I'd also think it was trashy. But there is no comparison to guys because they're all covered up. The time and place for skin is at the beach and pool. Not in public.

Has anyone ever considered that by convincing women that dressing provocatively is the way to combat misogyny, we're playing right into what men want to see most? Without them doing the same?

The girls aren't doing this to "combat misogyny". They are doing it to seduce men/boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

And boys rarely dress in a revealing way! Look at their shorts.

Topless at the pool or beach sure, but in school etc boys are really covered up. This argument has beevr made any sense to me.

+1 If DS was trying to wear super tight short shorts to school or a mesh tank top, I'd also think it was trashy. But there is no comparison to guys because they're all covered up. The time and place for skin is at the beach and pool. Not in public.

Has anyone ever considered that by convincing women that dressing provocatively is the way to combat misogyny, we're playing right into what men want to see most? Without them doing the same?

The girls aren't doing this to "combat misogyny". They are doing it to seduce men/boys.

That's why the girls are doing it, agreed. But the moms/adults who proudly justify it as "empowering" are playing right into it absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel the same way if your 13 year old son was shirtless, which is even more revealing.

If you’re okay with a boy showing skin, but not a girl, you need to address your own internalized misogyny.

I let my kid wear crop tops, etc but GMAFB. Boys aren’t as vulnerable to sexual violence or unwanted attention that can actually threaten their health and well-being. It f-ing sucks but it’s the reality. My unease at my daughter’s a$$ cheeks being visible at the mall or walking down the street is not internalized misogyny, it’s worry about attention from the wrong people.

And boys rarely dress in a revealing way! Look at their shorts.

Topless at the pool or beach sure, but in school etc boys are really covered up. This argument has beevr made any sense to me.

+1 If DS was trying to wear super tight short shorts to school or a mesh tank top, I'd also think it was trashy. But there is no comparison to guys because they're all covered up. The time and place for skin is at the beach and pool. Not in public.

Has anyone ever considered that by convincing women that dressing provocatively is the way to combat misogyny, we're playing right into what men want to see most? Without them doing the same?

The girls aren't doing this to "combat misogyny". They are doing it to seduce men/boys.

That's why the girls are doing it, agreed. But the moms/adults who proudly justify it as "empowering" are playing right into it absolutely.

They don’t do it to seduce men, they do it for social power. Among other teens.

[Anonymous]

Predatory men and the other adults who enable them will ALWAYS find a way to blame teen girls for their behavior. Or God, or whatever. Young women in neck to toe religious garb are vulnerable to attack and will be slut shamed. The abusers are usually men they know, not random dudes at the mall who went crazy because of short shorts.