I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

I would not allow crop tops. Oh god that is so trashy looking on a tween gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

Truth.

[Anonymous]

The huge t-shirt with athletic shorts underneath is a thing. It’s a thing for MS, HS, college, and early 20s/recent grads. So best to make peace with it because you’re going to be seeing it for a long time to come.

Can you buy her higher-waisted shorts to wear with crop tops so that the full stomach isn’t showing?

[Anonymous]

These items are all trendy right now (crop tops, short shorts with big shirts etc). I don’t think you should be policing every little thing but I do think it’s ok to draw the line somewhere.

Personally, I’m fine with my teen wearing tank tops, most crop tops (she wears them with high waisted bottoms) and large shirts over short shorts. Not ok with shorts that show her butt cheeks.

I think the key thing is not to shame or embarrass her but just to have an honest conversation about why you think some items are not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

That’s the style OP. What exactly is your concern?

My 13 year old wears crop tops too. Her friends wear bare midriff.

It’s summer, it’s warm, they are picking clothes that feel right to them. What do you expect her to wear? Modest clothes you approve of? It’s just not what’s in style right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

Truth.

Well you ladies get to dress how you like, and teenagers get to dress how they like. And when they are older, they can be either quite pleased with their younger sense of style or a bit mortified. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely understand hating the way your daughter dresses. I think of myself as a body-positive, sex-positive feminist, then I see my 15 yo niece with her boobs out at Christmas and turn into a pearl-clutching fuddy duddy (on the inside). My brother even asked me and my sisters to "have a talk with her" (we all said NOPE).

My Catholic mother was mortified by my developing body and had me in those minimizer grandma bras at 15 and girdles at 16. That kind of parenting did a number on me - I have weight issues and body image issues that affect my relationships to this day. I don't put the blame squarely on her, but what I learned from this experience was that, as a parent, it is so important to fully accept and respect the choices our kids makes about how they dress their bodies. I think it would be really rewarding to have an honest conversation about why she likes those clothes, how she feels in them, and all the reasons you don't like them. You could both learn a lot, and shed light on they way women are both objectified and shamed for their bodies in US society.

[Anonymous]

The tiny shorts trend is weird. I see young women wearing them, even moms in their 30s. All body types. But it is what it is-a trend.

I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

I would not allow crop tops. Oh god that is so trashy looking on a tween gross.

I’m a pretty old-fashioned mom in general, but I think if there’s ever a time to rock a crop top, it’s when you’re 13. And that’s a teen, not a tween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

I would not allow crop tops. Oh god that is so trashy looking on a tween gross.

I’m a pretty old-fashioned mom in general, but I think if there’s ever a time to rock a crop top, it’s when you’re 13. And that’s a teen, not a tween.

Also, what makes it "trashy." That term gives me classist vibes and I wouldn't want to pass that judginess down to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like some mixed messages are being sent regarding clothing. It’s ok to wear tight and revealing clothes and it’s not ok to wear revealing clothes. And crop tops are ok if you pick them. But not when she chooses them.

I have a 13 year old (and older kids as well) and there would have to be a really good reason for me to pick a fight over clothes. Like maybe if they were trying to wear a swimsuit to church on a snowy Christmas Eve. There are enough things that really matter.

Also I hate the double standard - boys don’t need to wear a shirt but girls who wear crop tops reveal too much.

This is ludicrous. If my son is in a place where it would be appropriate for him to be shirtless, I would be fine with my daughter wearing a crop top. But that is not what we are talking about and I just don’t buy the whole exposure equals empowerment argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should also dress exactly as she dresses. Tell her that you admire her style and want to twin with her. You can bet that she will straighten out in 5 minutes.

The best idea!

[Anonymous]

Just have a chat with her and explain that you get that it’s trendy and that’s all cool, but that showing a lot of skin can also put out a different message that she might not be aware of (beyond trying to be fashionable). My 13 yo likes crop tops etc and is totally clueless about the male gaze. I have mentioned it a couple of times just to let her know that sometimes you might unintentionally be putting something out there beyond having the latest outfit. Most of this stuff doesn’t bother me tho. The exposed checks is where I get a little huffy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

[Anonymous]

This is not a new trend. Check out some teen styles from the 70s and you'll see what I mean. Skintight jeans, crop tops, short shorts, halters, etc. Teens will push boundaries. It's what they do.