Living a double life

[Anonymous]

Hard no. I had a friend in hs and her father lived a double life with a second family ("wife" and daughter). Second family knew about the first family but not the other way around. The father would sometimes get mail that had been forwarded from 2nd address to 1st. My friend's mom may have suspected but didn't want to know. My friend, on the other hand, took a piece of mail and went to that address. Wife #2 opened the door, recognized the friend (again, wife 2 was aware) and came clean. To this day my friend deals with the emotional ramifications of that betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can be as simple as wanting to have your your cake and eat it, too. (Chump Lady talks about this a lot in terms of cheaters). Some things benefit the cheater from the first life, while other things benefit the cheater from the "double" life. If the benefits outweigh the negatives, it's working well, from the cheater's perspective.

+1

Wonder what trauma someone must have to think lying, cheating, stealing, etc. is "normal" or "acceptable". Is their entire life a lie? Is their entire life about appearances? How sad for all involved. Do these kinds of people ever get healthy? Do the spouses sometimes go along with the dishonest behavior? Seems beyond exhausting, especially if they think that no one knows - but in reality, everyone knows. Do they care if everyone knows? Or do they think they are above everything (ie: no soul, no conscience, nothing in their life is really real)? Fascinating.

There doesn't have to be "trauma." It's possible just to be a selfish, dishonest, a$$hole. I'm sure they justify their behavior in several different ways. Some care if people know because they want to be thought of in a certain way. Others don't care as much.

[Anonymous]

John O'Neill (the FBI agent in NY who had almost cracked the 9/11 plot before it happened, see Frontline "The Man Who Knew) also had a triple life. Really remarkable to think someone with such an intense job also maintained three separate marital/romantic relationships. His character is also featured in The Looming Tower on Hulu, which is based on his FBI partner/protogee, Ali Soufan's, book about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can be as simple as wanting to have your your cake and eat it, too. (Chump Lady talks about this a lot in terms of cheaters). Some things benefit the cheater from the first life, while other things benefit the cheater from the "double" life. If the benefits outweigh the negatives, it's working well, from the cheater's perspective.

+1

Wonder what trauma someone must have to think lying, cheating, stealing, etc. is "normal" or "acceptable". Is their entire life a lie? Is their entire life about appearances? How sad for all involved. Do these kinds of people ever get healthy? Do the spouses sometimes go along with the dishonest behavior? Seems beyond exhausting, especially if they think that no one knows - but in reality, everyone knows. Do they care if everyone knows? Or do they think they are above everything (ie: no soul, no conscience, nothing in their life is really real)? Fascinating.

Kuralt's mistress also had serious trauma and/or mental issues to be living the lie as a second fake wife knowing full and well about his 'real' family on the East Coast.

She gave the wife a letter at Kuralt's funeral to let her know about their 25 year relationship. Classy chic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a double life growing up. At home, life was ruled by a tyrannical, abusive alcoholic father who made our lives miserable. We were always on eggshells, waiting for the next rage to start. Outside the home, I was completely different. No one knew how horrific my home life was. I was well liked, funny, smart, involved in school - a real wholesome girl. I was very careful to keep my two lives separate and when they did come into contact with each other, I lied like the devil to preserve the facade. It all came to an end when my father killed himself. I suffered from PTSD for years and even now, in my 50s, someone walking into my bedroom unannounced will put me in fight/flight mode.

Is that the double life you're talking about?

No it’s not, because it’s not all about you.

Gosh, second PP. The first PP describes a hellish childhood, and you snark back at her? What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Lol, two words...Jason Collier...crazy story

https://knewz.com/texas-chief-double-life/

I only have one family, 2 kids, work full time, and have no time to myself. I cannot can't even remotely fathom having another family on the side, or a freaking third! Are these people somehow able to manipulate time or something??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:John O'Neill (the FBI agent in NY who had almost cracked the 9/11 plot before it happened, see Frontline "The Man Who Knew) also had a triple life. Really remarkable to think someone with such an intense job also maintained three separate marital/romantic relationships. His character is also featured in The Looming Tower on Hulu, which is based on his FBI partner/protogee, Ali Soufan's, book about it.

Read: the ends justify the means with the best of them amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, two words...Jason Collier...crazy story

https://knewz.com/texas-chief-double-life/

I only have one family, 2 kids, work full time, and have no time to myself. I cannot can't even remotely fathom having another family on the side, or a freaking third! Are these people somehow able to manipulate time or something??

Yes. Some of them may be literal time travelers.
It’s work. I suppose if you have a support team the work is more manageable. Remember True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis? He had support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like something criminal?

Or like my dad who secretly started a second family while still married to my mom?

Wait, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, two words...Jason Collier...crazy story

https://knewz.com/texas-chief-double-life/

I only have one family, 2 kids, work full time, and have no time to myself. I cannot can't even remotely fathom having another family on the side, or a freaking third! Are these people somehow able to manipulate time or something??

Yes. Some of them may be literal time travelers.
It’s work. I suppose if you have a support team the work is more manageable. Remember True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis? He had support.

I haven’t seen that, but I do recall that Schwarzenegger was found to have been living a bit of a double life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like something criminal?

Or like my dad who secretly started a second family while still married to my mom?

Wait, what?

Evidentially, it’s not as rare as I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, two words...Jason Collier...crazy story

https://knewz.com/texas-chief-double-life/

I only have one family, 2 kids, work full time, and have no time to myself. I cannot can't even remotely fathom having another family on the side, or a freaking third! Are these people somehow able to manipulate time or something??

Yes. Some of them may be literal time travelers.
It’s work. I suppose if you have a support team the work is more manageable. Remember True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis? He had support.

I haven’t seen that, but I do recall that Schwarzenegger was found to have been living a bit of a double life.

His real life was nothing compared to the role he was paid for. Wait... nevermind.

[Anonymous]

I've had an AP for 9 years. No one knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently living a double life. I’m single and live alone, but I tell people at work I have a partner and young step kids. Works great when people try to slide work onto me (especially during pandemic!!) because you know I have a family of my own. Right??

This is brilliant! I couldn’t pull that off in the small communities where I’ve worked high intensity jobs in the past, but in my new community I would be able to easily - thanks so much for the plan!

Nothing sucks like being single and expected to pick up the slack for all the marrieds/parents in a workplace.

Thank you!! I’ve been taken advantage of so many times in the past. I’m 48 and single and people think that means I’m happy to stay late or cover for everyone in the offices maternity leave, work extra over holidays etc. I keep pictures of my god kids on my desk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had an AP for 9 years. No one knows.

That's just it. The fact that a double life can possibly go on for years and years is flabbergasting.

The fact that the person doing it can act like they're not, is absolute sociopath/psychopath material.