Living a double life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived a double life growing up. At home, life was ruled by a tyrannical, abusive alcoholic father who made our lives miserable. We were always on eggshells, waiting for the next rage to start. Outside the home, I was completely different. No one knew how horrific my home life was. I was well liked, funny, smart, involved in school - a real wholesome girl. I was very careful to keep my two lives separate and when they did come into contact with each other, I lied like the devil to preserve the facade. It all came to an end when my father killed himself. I suffered from PTSD for years and even now, in my 50s, someone walking into my bedroom unannounced will put me in fight/flight mode.

Is that the double life you're talking about?

Hey that’s my life too! Except my bastard father is still alive in his late 80s after driving my mother to an early grave and estranging all his children from him and each other.

We looked very normal - nearly ideal - on the surface. Family pictures are such a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently living a double life. I’m single and live alone, but I tell people at work I have a partner and young step kids. Works great when people try to slide work onto me (especially during pandemic!!) because you know I have a family of my own. Right??

Do you have fake photos on your desk? What do you do about emergency contact info?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charles Kuralt, CBS News reporter, had a double life. Exposed only after he died.

Charles Lindberg had a triple life-- three wives at the same time.

Wasn’t he also a Nazi sympathizer? That’s worse than bigamy (trigamy?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently living a double life. I’m single and live alone, but I tell people at work I have a partner and young step kids. Works great when people try to slide work onto me (especially during pandemic!!) because you know I have a family of my own. Right??

This is brilliant! I couldn’t pull that off in the small communities where I’ve worked high intensity jobs in the past, but in my new community I would be able to easily - thanks so much for the plan!

Nothing sucks like being single and expected to pick up the slack for all the marrieds/parents in a workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charles Kuralt, CBS News reporter, had a double life. Exposed only after he died.

Charles Lindberg had a triple life-- three wives at the same time.

IIRC, Lil Wayne has all his baby mamas live on the same compound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like being a spy?

+1 other than the kid I knew whose dad had a secret second wife (so to speak) and kids, the only people I know who had a double life were spies. This is the DC area after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Charles Kuralt, CBS News reporter, had a double life. Exposed only after he died.

Charles Lindberg had a triple life-- three wives at the same time.

Wasn’t he also a Nazi sympathizer? That’s worse than bigamy (trigamy?).

Wow, I somehow missed that news about Charles Kuralt. Another childhood idol smashed by cruel reality. What a beast. I can only imagine what his wife’s two years of life after his death were like - tortured, I bet. Imagine finding out someone you so adored and admired was betraying you for three decades. AND giving hundreds of thousands of marital income to a mistress and her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Charles Kuralt, CBS News reporter, had a double life. Exposed only after he died.

Charles Lindberg had a triple life-- three wives at the same time.

Wasn’t he also a Nazi sympathizer? That’s worse than bigamy (trigamy?).

Wow, I somehow missed that news about Charles Kuralt. Another childhood idol smashed by cruel reality. What a beast. I can only imagine what his wife’s two years of life after his death were like - tortured, I bet. Imagine finding out someone you so adored and admired was betraying you for three decades. AND giving hundreds of thousands of marital income to a mistress and her children.

Only 62 when he died and didn’t look a day under 80.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, my ADHD brain can't handle that. I'd be found out pretty quickly

[Anonymous]

I used to do this for work and it wasn't for me. Your fake identity has a way of killing off your real identity, because you have to take so many steps to preserve the fake identity. You end up needing to lie casually to all kinds of people who have nothing to do with it, in order to preserve the separation. It ends up creating barriers to friendships and normal experiences. I can see doing this for God and Country but it is bizarre to me that people do this for no apparent reason. For example, Jessica Krug, the professor that faked being a poor black Latina from the Bronx, and Hillary "Hilaria" Baldwin who fakes a Spanish identity/upbringing. These fake identities have essentially destroyed their real identities, ruined their professional lives, and have probably wreaked havoc in their personal relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this for work and it wasn't for me. Your fake identity has a way of killing off your real identity, because you have to take so many steps to preserve the fake identity. You end up needing to lie casually to all kinds of people who have nothing to do with it, in order to preserve the separation. It ends up creating barriers to friendships and normal experiences. I can see doing this for God and Country but it is bizarre to me that people do this for no apparent reason. For example, Jessica Krug, the professor that faked being a poor black Latina from the Bronx, and Hillary "Hilaria" Baldwin who fakes a Spanish identity/upbringing. These fake identities have essentially destroyed their real identities, ruined their professional lives, and have probably wreaked havoc in their personal relationships.

You forget that these people have mental illnesses that probably create compulsions for them to lie. You don't, which is why you found it harder to navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this for work and it wasn't for me. Your fake identity has a way of killing off your real identity, because you have to take so many steps to preserve the fake identity. You end up needing to lie casually to all kinds of people who have nothing to do with it, in order to preserve the separation. It ends up creating barriers to friendships and normal experiences. I can see doing this for God and Country but it is bizarre to me that people do this for no apparent reason. For example, Jessica Krug, the professor that faked being a poor black Latina from the Bronx, and Hillary "Hilaria" Baldwin who fakes a Spanish identity/upbringing. These fake identities have essentially destroyed their real identities, ruined their professional lives, and have probably wreaked havoc in their personal relationships.

You forget that these people have mental illnesses that probably create compulsions for them to lie. You don't, which is why you found it harder to navigate.

It's possible they are mentally ill, but it's equally possible they just lied to personally benefit themselves. Jessica Krug was a professor of African studies and she was able to pretend to speak with experience about life as a black woman, get scholarships, etc. "Hilaria" Baldwin attempted to build a social media following around a fabricated identity of a fancy islander European with a charming ignorance of American culture and even the English language. I suspect they are not mentally ill, they are just okay with lying on a moral level. But even if morally, you're okay with lying, the logistics of a fake identity are really elaborate and they probably didn't think it through when they launched their double life.

[Anonymous]

Interesting question OP. 👍🏼

No, I could never lead a double-life.

Not only am I a terrible liar, but the time + energy that I would have to sacrifice to keep up the front would be too much.

Like another poster responded earlier > it would be so exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like something criminal?

Or like my dad who secretly started a second family while still married to my mom?

My uncle did this as well. It lasted for 16 years, too.

A neighbor did something like this as well. Second family about 30 minutes away. The creepiest part of it for me (and most everyone else) was that the second family had the same number and sex of children and he had bought a nearly identical house which was painted (and decorated!) in the same exact way. Like he probably got two for one deals on furniture. His second family was as close as one could get to a replica of the first. I fail to understand the psychology behind that. When it came to light it was like a joke. "Man, if I were going to have an affair, the last thing I would want is a perfect replica of my current suburban life situation. One family is good, two??'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this for work and it wasn't for me. Your fake identity has a way of killing off your real identity, because you have to take so many steps to preserve the fake identity. You end up needing to lie casually to all kinds of people who have nothing to do with it, in order to preserve the separation. It ends up creating barriers to friendships and normal experiences. I can see doing this for God and Country but it is bizarre to me that people do this for no apparent reason. For example, Jessica Krug, the professor that faked being a poor black Latina from the Bronx, and Hillary "Hilaria" Baldwin who fakes a Spanish identity/upbringing. These fake identities have essentially destroyed their real identities, ruined their professional lives, and have probably wreaked havoc in their personal relationships.

You forget that these people have mental illnesses that probably create compulsions for them to lie. You don't, which is why you found it harder to navigate.

It's possible they are mentally ill, but it's equally possible they just lied to personally benefit themselves. Jessica Krug was a professor of African studies and she was able to pretend to speak with experience about life as a black woman, get scholarships, etc. "Hilaria" Baldwin attempted to build a social media following around a fabricated identity of a fancy islander European with a charming ignorance of American culture and even the English language. I suspect they are not mentally ill, they are just okay with lying on a moral level. But even if morally, you're okay with lying, the logistics of a fake identity are really elaborate and they probably didn't think it through when they launched their double life.

Both prime examples of mental illness / disorders. Are you a psychologist or trained psychiatrist PP? No.