get over name brand / prestige obsession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree, OP. It all comes out in the wash, and so much depends on your definition of a successful life, which doesn't have much to do with salary.

My parents sent three kids to Ivies. Both of my siblings make boatloads of money but haven't visited my mom in years.

I would honestly rather my kids went to NOVA than Harvard.

I keep having this conversation with my husband. He's from a tight knit ethnic family and he keeps pointing out that our neighbors whose kids went to local colleges get to see their grandchildren more. Keeps asking how likely it is that a kid who goes to college in Vermont or California will end up settling down anywhere near us.

[Anonymous]

It is the same people who think they "need" a tesla, or prada bag or mcmansion.

They are insecure or have really warped takes on what is important in life, just playing out now around the children's college decision.

[Anonymous]

I think teacher recommendations count for a lot and you can't fake or buy those. (Well, maybe the handful of you who can afford fancy private schools.) My kid had pretty mediocre grades in high school but his teachers LOVE him. The grades are mainly because of ADHD, they know he knows the material because he does fine on tests and in classroom discussions and I'm sure they said so, with details, in his letters. He got into almost all of the colleges he applied to, with a high school GPA below 3.0.

I do our intern recruiting and you can tell from the recommendation letters which applicants are the real deal and which aren't. As an employer I don't want the best resume, I want the best person, and it will come through in a letter because if someone talks about the resume then you know that's all there is to talk about. If they really talk about the person--who they are and what they bring, why they stand out, what makes them memorable out of all the students out there--you know you have a winner.

All the test prep in the world doesn't raise that kid. I don't even know if intensive parenting raises that kid. I think it's supportive parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

time is an equalizer to an extent. Do you want to compare careers or salaries from students a decade out from a t25 or t50 to a Radford or Salisbury graduate?

How do YOU stack up compared to this Radford alum?

https://www.forbes.com/profile/randal-j-kirk/?sh=7308331b794c

are you saying that is the average outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

You are mixing up correlation and causation. And also salaries aren't everything.

I don't have kids but I wish I'd had more of OP's attitude when I was deciding on college and law school. There's a lot more to life than going to the most prestigious college you can get into. A LOT. Also I think for a lot of us, some time out of the pressure cooker would give us the freedom to actually figure out what we like instead of just trying to run that same old race.

not really, try getting a prestigious job (whatever that may be in your chosen field) coming out of Princeton vs. UVA/UMD vs. Longwood. By the time you get down to Longwood, good luck

In the DMV, there are far more grads from JMU, Longwood, UMW and the like employed in high-level government, consulting, banking, and IT positions than from Princeton or UVA. Just look at your neighbors. What a narrow view from the ivory tower?

are you saying that prestigious banking and consulting firms recruit at longwood like they do at Priceton or even UVA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I keep having this conversation with my husband. He's from a tight knit ethnic family and he keeps pointing out that our neighbors whose kids went to local colleges get to see their grandchildren more. Keeps asking how likely it is that a kid who goes to college in Vermont or California will end up settling down anywhere near us.

This is such a good point.
Also, sometimes if you are from the midwest, for example, but go to a prestigious east coast college, it can almost make it harder to get a job back in the midwest, if that's what you choose. Normal employers here either haven't even heard of something like Amherst, OR they don't really want someone from Yale in their office because they think it's snobby. Someone who goes to the local state college or regional private school, however, is often looked upon very favorably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they have sacrificed so much to "get where they are," that it is incredibly threatening to find out maybe it was not necessary...or even the path that was best for their family.

No, they have to insult reasonable posts like this, rather than accept that their costly approach may not have been necessary (or rewarding in the ways that really count).

Exactly! It's so threatening to them precisely because of this. They KNOW it's true, but can't really acknowledge it because they have so much invested in it. This college board is really among the worst of DCUM.

No it’s actually the opposite. Deep down you guys are the ones who are insecure that you’re not as successful.

You keep NOT understanding that your definition of success is not shared by all. But you do you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

You are mixing up correlation and causation. And also salaries aren't everything.

I don't have kids but I wish I'd had more of OP's attitude when I was deciding on college and law school. There's a lot more to life than going to the most prestigious college you can get into. A LOT. Also I think for a lot of us, some time out of the pressure cooker would give us the freedom to actually figure out what we like instead of just trying to run that same old race.

not really, try getting a prestigious job (whatever that may be in your chosen field) coming out of Princeton vs. UVA/UMD vs. Longwood. By the time you get down to Longwood, good luck

In the DMV, there are far more grads from JMU, Longwood, UMW and the like employed in high-level government, consulting, banking, and IT positions than from Princeton or UVA. Just look at your neighbors. What a narrow view from the ivory tower?

are you saying that prestigious banking and consulting firms recruit at longwood like they do at Priceton or even UVA?

In my field, I think of the Carlyle group as that top. https://www.carlyle.com/our-people You can scroll though and see where their officers and directors went to school. I see a lot of IVY, state flagships, some SLACS, a few prestigious foreign universities, but no JMU, Longwood, UMW

[Anonymous]

Some fields prioritize status, wealth, and rubbing elbows with the socially connected.

I don't know if most people who go into Investment Banking share my values or prioritize their families like many of us do.

I just know that you have one, narrow world view if that is your field and you should not assume it applies to how tomorrow's teachers, social workers, professors, physicians, ecologists, accountants, real estate agents, shopkeepers, chefs, writers, etc etc etc choose their colleges.

[Anonymous]

This is not just a college issue, OP. It is people lacking understanding of the concept of "good enough".

You can spend your life stressing over whether you are/have "the best" or you can be happy with "good enough" and use that mental energy for happier and more fulfilling pursuits.

You can also spend your precious time with your child pushing and prodding them to be "the best" or let them do THEIR best and live with the "good enough" results. Let your child be the person they actually are, not the person you want them to be.

Note that "good enough" does not have to mean living in poverty or going to community college. Plenty of us are very happy in our "good enough" jobs, houses, neighborhoods and schools. In the DMV, our "good enough" is miles above what would be considered "good enough" in less affluent regions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

That is a factor, but salary is highly dependent on the mix of majors at the school. Engineers can make 2X what the average college grad makes through their mid-career. It also depends significantly on the percentage of the graduates that settle in higher cost of living areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:**takes notes in Harvard portfolio with Columbia pen**

Weird flex but ok? I have an MIT sweatshirt and a Harvard shirt and a Yale law pencil.

It was sarcasm. I went to neither of those institutions.
Flexing shouldn’t be so over reactive on your end.
And I hope the Yale pencil is mechanical. It’s fun to collect collage swag at events!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they have sacrificed so much to "get where they are," that it is incredibly threatening to find out maybe it was not necessary...or even the path that was best for their family.

No, they have to insult reasonable posts like this, rather than accept that their costly approach may not have been necessary (or rewarding in the ways that really count).

I am someone who went to lots of prestigious schools and collected lots of prestigious degrees. I have also made tremendous career (and financial) sacrifices in order to live in the same city as my husband for most of our careers, and to be available to my children. I feel a bit like I overprepared for an environment based on hypotheticals. (If I had no dependents and no desire to make my career work with my husband's career, then I would have made a lot of money based on my education and credentials. However, in the real world, we ended up in a smaller city where salaries are lower because we needed two jobs, not one. In addition, I took a few years out when my kids were young, etc. )

Given these factors, I probably would have the same job I have now even if I had gone to a significantly lower ranked school and worked less hard in college (and high school too, for that matter!)

I am in a somewhat similar situation but I don’t regret my school choices. I’m happy to have had the experience of attending the schools I attended and am grateful for my education. I don’t care that I could have the same job if I’d gone to lower ranked schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

You are mixing up correlation and causation. And also salaries aren't everything.

I don't have kids but I wish I'd had more of OP's attitude when I was deciding on college and law school. There's a lot more to life than going to the most prestigious college you can get into. A LOT. Also I think for a lot of us, some time out of the pressure cooker would give us the freedom to actually figure out what we like instead of just trying to run that same old race.

not really, try getting a prestigious job (whatever that may be in your chosen field) coming out of Princeton vs. UVA/UMD vs. Longwood. By the time you get down to Longwood, good luck

In the DMV, there are far more grads from JMU, Longwood, UMW and the like employed in high-level government, consulting, banking, and IT positions than from Princeton or UVA. Just look at your neighbors. What a narrow view from the ivory tower?

are you saying that prestigious banking and consulting firms recruit at longwood like they do at Priceton or even UVA?

In my field, I think of the Carlyle group as that top. https://www.carlyle.com/our-people You can scroll though and see where their officers and directors went to school. I see a lot of IVY, state flagships, some SLACS, a few prestigious foreign universities, but no JMU, Longwood, UMW

Carlyle caters to that crowd. In the DMV, Caryle is a one-off and actively recruits from highly selective colleges.

Check the LinkedIns of those who work at Deloitte, EY, Booz Allen, Lockheed, etc. Throngs of non-Ivy, non-Top 25 graduates. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some fields prioritize status, wealth, and rubbing elbows with the socially connected.

I don't know if most people who go into Investment Banking share my values or prioritize their families like many of us do.

I just know that you have one, narrow world view if that is your field and you should not assume it applies to how tomorrow's teachers, social workers, professors, physicians, ecologists, accountants, real estate agents, shopkeepers, chefs, writers, etc etc etc choose their colleges.

lol, good luck getting a tenured job coming out of anywhere by a dozen (and that may be pushing it) schools