Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mean ones often have mean parents.

Yup. This was me. Verbal and physical abuse at home that I kept a secret. Boiling rage inside. Suicidal thoughts. Hated myself. Felt utterly alone, yet was athletic and popular. Translated into seething resentment towards other girls.


Snarky and mean. Straightened out in high school and college.

[Anonymous]

I really think it's their realization that they have power.

In girls, it's often displayed relationally. Boys, physically, to generalize broadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was heartbreaking to watch my DD’s spirit break in 7th and 8th grade. She was subsequently diagnosed with mild autism (formerly known as Aspergers). I don’t know the answer but it’s not limited to middle school. I am a successful woman in a male dominated field. Other women in my field have been, by far, the least supportive group. Between the Mommy Wars and lack of woman-to-woman mentorships and professional support, I am exhausted. We should be supporting each other instead of knocking each other down.

+1

The most abusive bosses I've ever had have been women.

[Anonymous]

My DD got comingled with another group from another school via text (in Fall virtual) and that group chat became a bunch of mean girl ugliness. They would not allow others in, the new girls were making the girls feel badly about their uncool friends from middle school. DD knows I monitor the chat and would speak to her about how I could see that group being mean. She didn't know how to deal but slowly pulled away from that chat and engaged separately on other chats. Eventually that chat group got so disgusting that I told her she had to remove herself from the conversation and that she could blame me. Thankfully she doesn't interact with those girls at all anymore.

I say all this to say that I am glad I was monitoring chats and able to walk her through things and yes eventually step in and say nope you have to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They usually have catty mothers.

+1000!!!

[Anonymous]

This is all so interesting. I am mom to two girls. Most definitely not the social engineering and concerned about popularity type. If anything, I’m quiet and struggled socially growing up....which is why I worry about eventually helping my girls navigate all this girl drama. How can I help?
As far a grown ups-yes it still persists in some work environments. I’m a nurse and nurses (particularly in certain specialties like CVICU and OR) can be down right cruel.

[Anonymous]

MS was the worst time for mean-girl behavior. I was picked on and bullied. I think it affected me a lot-- when I grew older, I had a lot of self esteem and anxiety issues. Between my crummy home life and school bullying, I think there were literally years where no one said one nice or complimentary thing to me.
My strong advice is make home a place of sanctuary and appreciation for your DD's nice qualities.

[Anonymous]

Some of the meanest girls don’t know they’re mean because they aren’t blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

They scratch their butts. They even love some of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a rhetorical question. Sometimes I just get so exhausted by the seventh grade drama I need a good dose of the psychology behind the poor behavior to get perspective. Thank you!!

Their moms are the crazy DCUM posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all so interesting. I am mom to two girls. Most definitely not the social engineering and concerned about popularity type. If anything, I’m quiet and struggled socially growing up....which is why I worry about eventually helping my girls navigate all this girl drama. How can I help?
As far a grown ups-yes it still persists in some work environments. I’m a nurse and nurses (particularly in certain specialties like CVICU and OR) can be down right cruel.

My daughter is in 7th grade and after a miserable year socially last year with mean girls, she is maneuvering it better now. Honestly, the best thing to do is have different girls she sees outside of school. Sports teams, girl scouts, anywhere she can make friends outside of school. It allows her to see that the mean girls at school are not her whole world and makes any meanness she faces less devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mean ones often have mean parents.

Yup. This was me. Verbal and physical abuse at home that I kept a secret. Boiling rage inside. Suicidal thoughts. Hated myself. Felt utterly alone, yet was athletic and popular. Translated into seething resentment towards other girls.


Snarky and mean. Straightened out in high school and college.

+1 the girl who bullied me had terrible a home life, and I think she was jealous of me. She apologized to me after HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the meanest girls don’t know they’re mean because they aren’t blunt.

disagree. If someone was just as blunt to them, they'd take offense. They are blunt because they like to be mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the meanest girls don’t know they’re mean because they aren’t blunt.

disagree. If someone was just as blunt to them, they'd take offense. They are blunt because they like to be mean.

I said aren’t blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mean ones often have mean parents.

Yup. This was me. Verbal and physical abuse at home that I kept a secret. Boiling rage inside. Suicidal thoughts. Hated myself. Felt utterly alone, yet was athletic and popular. Translated into seething resentment towards other girls.


Snarky and mean. Straightened out in high school and college.

+1 the girl who bullied me had terrible a home life, and I think she was jealous of me. She apologized to me after HS.

Most girls who engage in mean girl behavior are jealous.