Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The meanest girls usually have older sisters.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering the same thing. The teacher ask kids to share something positive in the chat. Mine did and a girl made fun of him in the chat. Of course the teacher said nothing to her.

Girls can be especially mean to boys. My daughter’s friend (who is a smart, strong admirable girl) made a boy cry last week. Perhaps more empathy is needed.

Agreed. Mean girl bad behavior is not only limited to girls. I’m amazed by the cruel things young girls will say to boys.

[Anonymous]

MS girls are the worst and many have moms that contribute to that behavior by looking the other way or even giving them ideas. My DD tried so hard to fit in and was always excluded. I had run ins w/ two moms who were awful. Their girls were very polite to adults but cunning and ruthless to other girls not in their circle and they knew it

[Anonymous]

MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

[Anonymous]

NP- youngest and only girl in my family. I moved to a new school in seventh grade. Not traditionally bullied but certainly a bit ostracized by the in crowd. Until we hit high school. Brothers were very athletic and very popular, and they had a lot of friends. It was unreal to see the change in behaviors in 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

Also I notice many people are quick to blame their mothers and not fathers for bullying behaviors. In fact, many bullies are reportedly products of domestic violence where main perpetuators are step fathers/ fathers.

Women and girls do not monopolize Meanness - mothers are still blamed for all social ills - let’s reframe that narrative for Mothers Day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

Also I notice many people are quick to blame their mothers and not fathers for bullying behaviors. In fact, many bullies are reportedly products of domestic violence where main perpetuators are step fathers/ fathers.

Women and girls do not monopolize Meanness - mothers are still blamed for all social ills - let’s reframe that narrative for Mothers Day!

Agree. One “mean girl” my DD is frienemies with has a nice mother (rather docile, sadly), but her father is a real jerk. Macho, aggressive, a fast talker, and a social climber. He will encourage his daughter to drop a friend for a more socially valuable friend.

[Anonymous]

Just to add that insecure, bored women keep up the mean behavior at all ages. Here's a piece on Mean "Girls" in a Retirement Home;
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/18/opinion/sunday/mean-girls-in-the-retirement-home.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

All of this can be helped with strong parenting. Parents need to think about the example they set and monitor their kids behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

All of this can be helped with strong parenting. Parents need to think about the example they set and monitor their kids behavior.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

Teach your kids not to GAF about what other people think, and they will become adults who do not GAF what other people think.

For all of the DCUM land moms who are ever seeking that "secret to success" - this should be first and foremost.

Life is not middle school, no matter how much some people want it to be, and how stunted those people are.

It's not about being a arsehole, it's about staying in your own lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

Teach your kids not to GAF about what other people think, and they will become adults who do not GAF what other people think.

For all of the DCUM land moms who are ever seeking that "secret to success" - this should be first and foremost.

Life is not middle school, no matter how much some people want it to be, and how stunted those people are.

It's not about being a arsehole, it's about staying in your own lane.

That is extremely narrow minded advice. Staying in your own lane will not help reduce bullying. There is tons of research that effective partnerships between home and school produce the best results for students both academically and socially.

And bullying does impact academics in deep ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS boys can be extremely mean as well. As with adults, male poor behavior is given different labels and excuses.

The MS boys can be particularly vicious online. They frequently ask girls for nudes, use the n word, insult others using foul language, sexist and homophobic and racist slurs. In real life, the MS boys can make fun of non athletic kids, geeks and/or anyone perceived to be other/ weird.

Girls may be more emotionally complex but MS boys can be just as mean.

It is so universal that there must be some evolutionary purpose - survival of the fittest and the thickest skinned.

That said, It shows to me that DEI education is incredibly important. Many younger bullies do not automatically grow out of it but go on to bully in professional settings/ work places. Success on the long term requires good social skills and embracing the many ways we both differ and are alike as youth and adults.

Teach your kids not to GAF about what other people think, and they will become adults who do not GAF what other people think.

For all of the DCUM land moms who are ever seeking that "secret to success" - this should be first and foremost.

Life is not middle school, no matter how much some people want it to be, and how stunted those people are.

It's not about being a arsehole, it's about staying in your own lane.

That is extremely narrow minded advice. Staying in your own lane will not help reduce bullying. There is tons of research that effective partnerships between home and school produce the best results for students both academically and socially.

And bullying does impact academics in deep ways.

When our the MS aged son was being bullied by five boys, i reassured him and contacted the school. They were amazing and made all five boys wrote an apology. Some parents went beyond that ans required phone call apologies.

Similarly, when he was in ES, two boys threatened to smash his head with bricks. Similarly, i reassured our son, and contacted the school. Again the school contacted the families and the boys were asked to apologize. The most aggressive bully had parents who were in denial and blamed all the many kids their son bullied for his behavior. We ended up switching to private largely because the parents and school worked together better to address social issues. However, some publics with good heads are also effective.

To recap, in our experience:
1. Boys can be just as mean as girls and often more violent.
2. Fathers as well as mothers contribute to poor social skills and bullying.
3. Good School- home partnerships and communication really important for combatting wode spread bullying among both girls and boys.

[Anonymous]

We had a girl in our MS participating in a competition. She would be competing with another boy who competed at the state level and got #1 the previous year. She knew that competing with this boy would be very difficult. She played on the boy's insecurities and got him to drop out of the competition. She told him that if he competed the next year and did not also get to be state #1, everyone would think he is a fraud or got lucky or what not. If he does not compete he would end up on a high note.

This is a good stepping stone into HS competitions as well and it would be really good for that boy to have competed. But he dropped out.

The girl's mother was part horrified/part proud as she told us about her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Middle school girls aren't mean. There is definitely a "popular" crowd and everyone knows they are "popular" but those girls aren't mean to other people. They pretty much stick to themselves and the higher "status" boys.