Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

Call it out when they see it happening.

[Anonymous]

It's a horrible time for kids generally. I don't know if boys pick on each other as much directly, but have definitely caught my son making excuses to try to avoid hanging out with a kid that lives near us that he views as uncool. I've spoken to him multiple times about kindness, but his response is that he isn't being unkind - he's being polite, but doesn't want to be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

My kids' school deals with it. It's private so there is more leeway to deal with social-emotional issues. They've had a curriculum about it since K, dealing with age-appropriate social issues, and bullying and cliques have been discussed since they were quite young. Does it stave off all the bullying and meanness? No, I'm sure there's still some. But probably less if it went completely unaddressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

Are you joking? Call it out. Consequences.

I think "mean" and "bullying" are not the same thing. There is a lot of both in MS. The former, kids have to learn to deal with on some level, as did mine. Bullying, sorry, no. Kids are entitled to be safe in their learning environment. Bullying prevents that and teachers have a duty to intervene.

In my experience, at our school, the counselors are great at getting involved (I have not dealt with it personally, thankfully, but others have). So it may be school dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

My kids' school deals with it. It's private so there is more leeway to deal with social-emotional issues. They've had a curriculum about it since K, dealing with age-appropriate social issues, and bullying and cliques have been discussed since they were quite young. Does it stave off all the bullying and meanness? No, I'm sure there's still some. But probably less if it went completely unaddressed.

If you are referencing an anti bullying program in elementary, be warned that all the lessons fly out the window in middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

My kids' school deals with it. It's private so there is more leeway to deal with social-emotional issues. They've had a curriculum about it since K, dealing with age-appropriate social issues, and bullying and cliques have been discussed since they were quite young. Does it stave off all the bullying and meanness? No, I'm sure there's still some. But probably less if it went completely unaddressed.

If you are referencing an anti bullying program in elementary, be warned that all the lessons fly out the window in middle.

No, not just that, though bullying has been addressed. Again, it's private, so there is more time and resources to address these things. SEL curriculum woven throughout, and also social "engineering" that helps breaks up cliques and discourages meanness. For example, lunch is not a free-for-all, you are assigned a table where you might not be with your besties, you talk with who is at your table. Same with group or partner assignments. More teacher monitoring of how these are working. This has been going on all through their school years, so they are used to it. I would have to say it has resulted in less meanness -- if you have been partners with "the weird kid" and gotten to know her better, maybe it's harder to be mean to her later on.

My DD is in 6th so I don't think I'm completely naive about middle school. Friends with kids in older grades also say the school is strong in SEL, and they are grateful that it seems to smooth out some of the worst of the middle school meanness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

Are you joking? Call it out. Consequences.

I think "mean" and "bullying" are not the same thing. There is a lot of both in MS. The former, kids have to learn to deal with on some level, as did mine. Bullying, sorry, no. Kids are entitled to be safe in their learning environment. Bullying prevents that and teachers have a duty to intervene.

In my experience, at our school, the counselors are great at getting involved (I have not dealt with it personally, thankfully, but others have). So it may be school dependent.

Seriously. Some many people-including some here-have called out how school staff essentially looked the other way. Bullying is more than just girl snark. It has long lasting impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of a DD who will be heading to MS in a year this is all terrifying. MS sucked for me. Knowing all this, how do MS counselors and teachers deal with it? Or is it just ignored?

What are the teachers supposed to do? In middle school? They aren't babysitters? We went through this early and often - and frankly, it helped my girls deal with matters on their own. And they did!

Call it out when they see it happening.

The issue is that they rarely do, or they can't be totally sure what they are seeing. A lot of this stuff happens out of sight of the teachers, or of adults in general, and can be quite subtle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The meanest girls usually have older sisters.

^ 100%

X1000 worst of the worst. I’m a big fan of my kids making friends w/ girls who are only children

[Anonymous]

Why is the sky blue? Why does chocolate taste like chocolate? Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

Idk. But I was bullied so badly in MS by MS girls that it has had lifelong consequences. Even to this day I was secretly relieved when I finished having kids and I had all boys. I was also sexually assaulted at age 13 by an older teen boy, and it was the girls who made sure that was known throughout the entire school, who mocked me for it, and who teased me relentlessly into high school for being an assault victim. The social fallout of the assault was worse than the assault itself.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say mean, exactly, more like testing limits. They are feeling out and learning the boundaries of socially accepted behavior. Parents can model and guide behavior and even try to tell their kids what to do/how to act. But a lot of people still have to learn things the hard way themselves. They won't take an example as an answer.

As adults, I think we should be more compassionate and empathetic. It's a hard time in life. They totally lack the perspective that someone has after 30-40 years on earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a horrible time for kids generally. I don't know if boys pick on each other as much directly, but have definitely caught my son making excuses to try to avoid hanging out with a kid that lives near us that he views as uncool. I've spoken to him multiple times about kindness, but his response is that he isn't being unkind - he's being polite, but doesn't want to be friends.

That isn't necessarily bullying. Yes, it would be ideal if all kids could just get along and play/hang out with everyone but that isn't realistic. As long as your son is being polite "sorry, something suddenly came up and I can't hang out with you today" and not being mean to the kid "you are so lame! I don't want to hang out with you", that is normal and shouldn't be construed as bullying or even being mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say mean, exactly, more like testing limits. They are feeling out and learning the boundaries of socially accepted behavior. Parents can model and guide behavior and even try to tell their kids what to do/how to act. But a lot of people still have to learn things the hard way themselves. They won't take an example as an answer.

As adults, I think we should be more compassionate and empathetic. It's a hard time in life. They totally lack the perspective that someone has after 30-40 years on earth.

No, some are mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They usually have catty mothers.

This is what I see in my kid's peer group (mixed b/g)

Yes to catty moms and sisters and typically no brothers.

Beware the mom of all girls. These moms are social engineers and hyper competitive among their own mom friends.