Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

I think technology has caused less development of emotional IQ and social skills and is extending this problem into HS more too. Self esteem loss too. IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 7th grade has been spent virtual all year. People keep telling me how lucky I am we avoided a year of the MS drama. I'm so perplexed by this. What are these girls doing in MS? MS was not bad for me at all.

That means you were probably one of the mean girls.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why. I was pretty catty and cruel at that age. I cringe about it now. I didn’t pick on people, I was not popular or a queen bee, but I was very gossipy and really mean within my friend group. I don’t know why. I had poor self esteem, traumatic things going on, and a shaky identity, and was bullied myself for being fat.

Part of it is definitely personality. Even today I am drawn to drama and have to be really careful about not participating in gossip at work. Cattiness really comes out here where I’m anonymous. It’s pretty gross.

[Anonymous]

Wondering the same thing. The teacher ask kids to share something positive in the chat. Mine did and a girl made fun of him in the chat. Of course the teacher said nothing to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why. I was pretty catty and cruel at that age. I cringe about it now. I didn’t pick on people, I was not popular or a queen bee, but I was very gossipy and really mean within my friend group. I don’t know why. I had poor self esteem, traumatic things going on, and a shaky identity, and was bullied myself for being fat.

Part of it is definitely personality. Even today I am drawn to drama and have to be really careful about not participating in gossip at work. Cattiness really comes out here where I’m anonymous. It’s pretty gross.

I appreciate this honest response. Too many of us say “not my daughter. Not me”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a rhetorical question. Sometimes I just get so exhausted by the seventh grade drama I need a good dose of the psychology behind the poor behavior to get perspective. Thank you!!

Because their mothers are mean. There, saved you thousands in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a rhetorical question. Sometimes I just get so exhausted by the seventh grade drama I need a good dose of the psychology behind the poor behavior to get perspective. Thank you!!

Because their mothers are mean. There, saved you thousands in therapy.

Learned behavior?

[Anonymous]

They are so mean and it's not gonna change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 7th grade has been spent virtual all year. People keep telling me how lucky I am we avoided a year of the MS drama. I'm so perplexed by this. What are these girls doing in MS? MS was not bad for me at all.

That means you were probably one of the mean girls.

No I have to disagree.iddle wasn't bad for me either. Just because it wasn't bad for some of us does not mean we were mean girls, we were just fortunate. Anyway, I still because it's so awful for some don't even think it should exist.

[Anonymous]

Hormones and insecurity.

You have to pick on someone else to focus everyone's attention on them so that the attention isn't focused on you and others pointing out your flaws.

I figured this out pretty early in middle school. The kid with the terrible lisp made fun of me for being chubby. The kid with really, really bad acne made fun of the shortest kid in school. The shortest kid in school made fun of the kid who had been held back in 1st grade. Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

It’s when the hormones are raging, insecurity is at an all time high and they jockey for social positions. Girls think they get to the top by tearing down other girls and through social isolation and rumor spreading. The meanest girls in her MS did come to think of it have older sisters, were not the most attractive but were loud and very cozy with the boys. My DD survived it and was well known in her MS but she was often the target of these mean girls. Some of them still try to verbally attack her and talk about her years later.

It gets better. Friend groups now will not usually exist by HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a rhetorical question. Sometimes I just get so exhausted by the seventh grade drama I need a good dose of the psychology behind the poor behavior to get perspective. Thank you!!

Because their mothers are mean. There, saved you thousands in therapy.

This is a lame response. I don’t think it’s true, either. At least not across the board.

I was bullied by a former friend for a period of time in middle school. I have no idea why, just one day I showed up to school and she was mean to me and threatened the other girls in our friend group if they tried to talk to me. So I was ostracized for a period of time, at least a few months and it wasn’t just silent treatment she went out of her way to bully me - she was much bigger than me - with threats of violence on the days she was being particularly mean. During this time I was taken in by a couple of girls I hadn’t really known or been friends with before.

The bullying ended when some other girls in another clique threatened to kick her azz if she didn’t leave me alone. They were big scary girls we all feared because they were bussed in from another community and the perception the white kids had of these Hispanic kids was that they were all tough and would kick your azz soon as look at you. I didn’t know any of them but they acted just on the injustice they saw I guess - we were all in Home Ec class together and that’s where this all came down. Teacher totally clueless, of course.

That night my mom gets a call from bully’s mom and suddenly a summit is held at their house and I’m asked what the heck is going on and I’m like ??? because of course I’d been too ashamed to tell my mom I was being bullied. Anyway the result of that summit was bully was suddenly my friend again and I was told to call off the dogs which I never called on in the first place. The bully’s mom, a very nice bake cookies for the kids after school SAHM had no idea her daughter was bullying me.

I stayed overnight at bully’s house a couple of times after that and we were ‘friends’ again, but the way she turned on the hate and turned it off like the AC was deeply unsettling to me. I never felt the same about her, about the other girls in my friend group who went along with it, and I also felt very ashamed that I dropped the girls who took me in after the friend group took me back. The whole situation was shitty and I never honestly truly trusted friends after that. I’ve had plenty but the only two I really love and really trust are the two I had from earliest childhood and who we moved away from when I was 8. I’ve been close to other friends for periods of time over the years but just never trusted people the same way the whole rest of my life.

Bullying sucks. Far too many people suck. People who are bullies in school and never apologize for it are shitty people. Hey bullies, it’s long past time you find that former victim or victims on Facebook and grovel for at least a few minutes. You owe it to them.

[Anonymous]

I was mean to a few girls in 7th grade. I don't know why. I wasn't as bad in 8th, and by the time I was in 9 the grade I was practically a different person. I wish I could help you op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 7th grade has been spent virtual all year. People keep telling me how lucky I am we avoided a year of the MS drama. I'm so perplexed by this. What are these girls doing in MS? MS was not bad for me at all.

That means you were probably one of the mean girls.

But I wasn't so there's that. I just had a core group of good friends and we 3 kept to ourselves. Not mean, just not targets. Not popular either. Just left alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering the same thing. The teacher ask kids to share something positive in the chat. Mine did and a girl made fun of him in the chat. Of course the teacher said nothing to her.

Girls can be especially mean to boys. My daughter’s friend (who is a smart, strong admirable girl) made a boy cry last week. Perhaps more empathy is needed.