A theory about "tough love" friends

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So many women these days only want to hear what they want to hear. The truth is too hard to hear.

So true. Just look at all the threads in this forum. Flames and smoke everywhere, but the majority of women want to dive right into the flames, which is fine but these type of women are never satisfied with keeping their bad choices and the consequences of their bad choices to themselves.s Oh no they want to beg for advice for hours , and then get pissy when it's not what they want to hear ( he's totally awesome and loves you) and then when it goes to shit want to be mad at everybody but thmselves. Middle school shit. I swear most women do not mature past middle school.

100%. I'm the PP with the friend who married the wrong guy and it all blew up in short order. She wanted the fun party guy because only "boring" guys had 9-5 jobs and wore suits to work. So she married the man child who wanted to become a pro athlete, never was able to, had no college education, and no career prospects and she was soon upset and disappointed that he had no money and she paid all the bills. There were so many warning signs but she ignored them all because she was ready to be married and wanted the big wedding. What are you supposed to say in situations like that? "You go girl?" Or, "maybe you should think this through". I would think a better friend would ask some hard questions than just be blindly supportive if you really were looking out for them.

Again, this woman was never your "friend". You were not giving her tough love. You were simply telling her, out loud, that you did not like or respect her. You obviously think she's an idiot and never liked her. I am sorry you got into an argument with this woman you don't like about her life choices, but you two weren't friends so I don't know why you cared anyway.

Sorry, but you're wrong. We were friends for years after this event. The friendship fizzled for other reasons a few years later. There was no "argument" there were some discussion and I was maid of honor. Stop projecting.

No one is projecting. You’re a contemptuous person.

And you have shallow superficial friendships. Grow up.

You’re not intellectually able to have any form of friendship, or discussion. No one was projecting. You then turn to name-calling. No one would miss you out of their life - that’s cause for celebration. And you can cram your wannabe retort. OP and subsequent posters have described your personality well, and it angers you. Oh well!

Well you called me contemptuous, so..... You are super weird. No wonder you have to think real hard about "tough love" friendships because this seems to be a recurring theme with you. Therapy perhaps? Might help with the misplaced anger too.

Uh huh. Don’t quit your day job, darling. You’re really defensive, you have a lot for your counselor to untangle.

You are utterly unhinged

[Anonymous]

There were two events in my life when I really needed that “tough love” to help me see a situation more clearly and I am grateful for it because I was able to turn it around in a way that wouldn’t have happened if they stayed silent. The key was that they gave an opinion because I asked - not unsolicited, it wasn’t phrased as telling me what to do, it was pointing out an observation or another possibility, and I want to think in the end they would have accepted whatever decision I made, even if it was different than what they would have done. My parents are a different type of “tough love” where not only is it unsolicited, but they found it hard to let it go and let me make the decision different from their advice.

So I agree with the posters that say when “tough love” is your whole personality trait that’s a lot to take. But honesty when asked for in a specific occasion is a different situation and it’s important to read the room to understand if the other person needs you to be blunt or subtle in giving that honesty.