Husband gave sex ultimatum
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Anonymous
+1. I usually go along with troll posts and suspend disbelief just for the entertainment value. But this one feels more ham-fisted than usual. |
Anonymous
| Troll. |
Anonymous
Because in this case it diminishing his libido is probably a feature, not a bug. It's not easy when you want more sex than your partner does. Ask me how I know! signed, wife who adores her low libido husband, but also recognizes the challenges |
Anonymous
| Thanks, PP who posted, "understand what he has lost in this life" for explaining the feeling of being trapped in an extremely low-sex marriage (fewer than 6x/yr). Twenty years is too long to wait; people often do out of love for the kids, not the unfeeling spouse. If DH wants to get back in the game after we have an empty nest, no dice! |
Anonymous
| He likes hair more than sex and you have a low libido anyway. What's the problem?? |
Anonymous
PP is right on the money. |
Anonymous
But why do people marry people with low drives (op said she's always had a low drive) if sex is important to them? Sex is very important to me and I can't imagine even dating a guy with a low drive, let alone bothering to marry him. This is just a negative consequence of people "settling" for each other. Sexual mismatch just causes problems later on. |
Anonymous
People are people, whose beautiful intricacies include flaws and blind love. They're not compassion-less, perfectionist, robots like you. |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
I think you answered your own question, maybe? I am the PP and I married my husband despite our mismatch because there are other things I value more, and also I'd dated enough to know that this was a special person who would make my life better and be a great companion. No one person is going to be everything you want in life. Sometimes you make tradeoffs because you find someone who you want to be with, even still. If you'd rather stay single while looking for the person who is a great partner and a great sexual partner, that is a reasonable choice, too! I'm grateful every day I found my husband, and that he wants to be with me, even with the tradeoffs that entails. |
Anonymous
| If you don't satisfy your man, it will be easier for him to find another woman. |
Anonymous
|
You told him it wasn't worth it to you for him to grow more hair at the cost of becoming low libido like you've been for years.
He told you it wasn't worth it to him to give up growing more hair to have the frequency of sex you had before he became low libido. Yours sounds like more like an ultimatum than his; his reply was a negotiation. He was telling you what it would take to make giving up the hair growth worthwhile to him. Have you treated him the way you are asking to be treated here all these years, offering to do what you can to up your libido and frequency? You've been given the gift of seeing things through his perspective in this little role reversal. You can use that to strengthen your marriage and make both of you happier, or you can use it to build resentment and grow farther apart. Be the change you want to see. |
Anonymous
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I would not trade hair for sex.
- 58 year old (bald) male |
Anonymous
+1 Op seems to want her cake, and eat it, too. He's not wrong. He wasn't getting much sex to begin with, so why should he give up something that makes him feel good about himself just for the measly few times per year that maybe wasn't even all that great for him? -menopausal DW with low libido. |
Anonymous
what if you were only getting sex a few times per year, and maybe not even that great to begin with. Is it really worth it? |