My 11 year old daughter just came out to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guessing you live on a coast and have a loving home. This is normal for tween and teen girls now. It may last, it may not. It didn’t for my DD. She is an older teen now, only dates and talks about boys and never mentioned it again. So absolutely you said all the right things and it’s great to be supportive but unfortunately there is an epidemic of gay and trans “coming out” in girls of your daughters age.

I’m so tired of people saying this. It really trivializes the thoughts and emotions of preteen and teenage girls, as if they aren’t capable of understanding their own thoughts and making their own decisions. Could it be some kind of fad/phase? Maybe. But that’s not a reason to dismiss or diminish what your daughter says to you. All you have to do is be accepting and supportive! It’s not hard!

But there is a fad right now. There truly is. I know no less than 6 families whose tweens or early teens have labeled themselves as pan-sexual, bisexual or gay in the last two months alone - and I'm an introvert who doesn't know many people.

I think it's because so many are on social media where they are watching others label themselves. Are they LBGQT+? maybe. Time will tell. It's the labeling which I don't think it developmentally appropriate at the age of 9-10. My daughter asked me this weekend if I knew that JoJo Siwa was a lesbian. I told her, "yes." and I looked in the rear view mirror to see her face with clearly deep thought going on. Lol. All I could think was that it was JoJo Siwa and let's not compare ourselves to her for anything.

OP, you did great. Keep communication open and wait for what the years may bring. There were alot of things I thought at age 11 that didn't end up being accurate - but some did. It's nice to know your parents will be supportive no matter what.

It’s one thing to say it’s common for kids to say they are trans or gay when they aren’t, it’s another thing to say there is an epidemic. Just saying “hey mom I’m gay!” when they really aren’t gay is harmless. The issue of permanent bodily changes that shouldn’t have been done is incredibly rare. You can come back from everything except surgery and doctors don’t do that until you’re 18 and have been living as a trans person for a while.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably avoid "...no matter what" statements, although i understand where OP is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guessing you live on a coast and have a loving home. This is normal for tween and teen girls now. It may last, it may not. It didn’t for my DD. She is an older teen now, only dates and talks about boys and never mentioned it again. So absolutely you said all the right things and it’s great to be supportive but unfortunately there is an epidemic of gay and trans “coming out” in girls of your daughters age.

+1 - except I am not convinced it's confined to the coasts. A friend of mine related a similar story from Texas.

Anyway, both my daughters -14 and 10 - are in the middle of this. My reaction is similar to yours. While I would not say this to them when they are sharing their personal feelings with me because I will accept them no matter what, I have injected into the larger discussion that I think this is a part of figuring out growing up and they don't have to commit (for lack a of a better word) to what they are feeling right now.

To be honest, I simply don't believe this huge portion of the youth population is gay, bi, pan, trans. I'm glad that kids can come out with acceptance that they might not have had a generation ago, but I think it's also a trend right now as much as anything else.

It's social contagion is what it is. I think for girls it's only really dangerous in some of the trans cases where kids could end up making decisions which do permanent physical damage.

[Anonymous]

Most girls have crushes on boys and girls. I would tell her that is just fine, it doesn't need a name, and that she has plenty of time to decide what kind of sexual needs she has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

Yes, this is definitely a trend with the girls in upper elementary school in McLean.
Everyone is refer as "they" instead of she. Most parent are probably not aware of it.

Yes. My 8 years old said something similar a couple of months ago and has been very public that she is bi or a lesbian. I think it is a cool factor. And originally, it was about how she liked rainbows, so that made her gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guessing you live on a coast and have a loving home. This is normal for tween and teen girls now. It may last, it may not. It didn’t for my DD. She is an older teen now, only dates and talks about boys and never mentioned it again. So absolutely you said all the right things and it’s great to be supportive but unfortunately there is an epidemic of gay and trans “coming out” in girls of your daughters age.

+1 - except I am not convinced it's confined to the coasts. A friend of mine related a similar story from Texas.

Anyway, both my daughters -14 and 10 - are in the middle of this. My reaction is similar to yours. While I would not say this to them when they are sharing their personal feelings with me because I will accept them no matter what, I have injected into the larger discussion that I think this is a part of figuring out growing up and they don't have to commit (for lack a of a better word) to what they are feeling right now.

To be honest, I simply don't believe this huge portion of the youth population is gay, bi, pan, trans. I'm glad that kids can come out with acceptance that they might not have had a generation ago, but I think it's also a trend right now as much as anything else.

It's social contagion is what it is. I think for girls it's only really dangerous in some of the trans cases where kids could end up making decisions which do permanent physical damage.

How often does that actually happen though? Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

And gullible adults. OP handled it just fine. I think at 11 her daughter heard something somewhere and is merely repeating, or looking for a reaction.

I would make sure the school isn't engaging in any inappropriate indoctrination. Or agenda politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

Yes, this is definitely a trend with the girls in upper elementary school in McLean.
Everyone is refer as "they" instead of she. Most parent are probably not aware of it.

LOL
Is it that non binary thing? That's BS because there's only 2 sexes, can't ever change that biological factoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a problem with my children exploring their identity via sexual orientation and gender identity. If parents would just relax a little about it I don’t think kids would be as likely to make it as big if an deal in your life. Think about it: if your daughter who has just leaned about the existence of trans people comes up to you and says “I’m a boy” and you say “no you’re not,” how are they going to react? They will get upset at you and do what they can to prove they are a boy. If you say “great! I love you no matter what!” they will feel supported and won’t feel pressure either way.

If they are actually just exploring their identity and aren’t trans, no harm done. Whereas if you tell them they are wrong about their identity and they actually are trans, you have just seriously damaged your relationship and made your kid more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, STDs and poor academic performance.

This is 100% what I was going to say. My 12 yo DS just recently told me he is pansexual. I think identity politics are very big right now and people - children and adults - feel the need to name and label every experience, feeling, etc. In fact he has a crush on a boy he described as "non-binary" despite the fact that this boy does not identify as such!! I have a feeling his sexuality will evolve, but I don't know that. I do know that the only option is enthusiastic support and unconditional love, during every phase of his journey toward understanding his sexuality. And this will allow for more open and honest communication and sexuality and labels, and not labeling other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guessing you live on a coast and have a loving home. This is normal for tween and teen girls now. It may last, it may not. It didn’t for my DD. She is an older teen now, only dates and talks about boys and never mentioned it again. So absolutely you said all the right things and it’s great to be supportive but unfortunately there is an epidemic of gay and trans “coming out” in girls of your daughters age.

I’m so tired of people saying this. It really trivializes the thoughts and emotions of preteen and teenage girls, as if they aren’t capable of understanding their own thoughts and making their own decisions. Could it be some kind of fad/phase? Maybe. But that’s not a reason to dismiss or diminish what your daughter says to you. All you have to do is be accepting and supportive! It’s not hard!

But there is a fad right now. There truly is. I know no less than 6 families whose tweens or early teens have labeled themselves as pan-sexual, bisexual or gay in the last two months alone - and I'm an introvert who doesn't know many people.

I think it's because so many are on social media where they are watching others label themselves. Are they LBGQT+? maybe. Time will tell. It's the labeling which I don't think it developmentally appropriate at the age of 9-10. My daughter asked me this weekend if I knew that JoJo Siwa was a lesbian. I told her, "yes." and I looked in the rear view mirror to see her face with clearly deep thought going on. Lol. All I could think was that it was JoJo Siwa and let's not compare ourselves to her for anything.

OP, you did great. Keep communication open and wait for what the years may bring. There were alot of things I thought at age 11 that didn't end up being accurate - but some did. It's nice to know your parents will be supportive no matter what.

It’s one thing to say it’s common for kids to say they are trans or gay when they aren’t, it’s another thing to say there is an epidemic. Just saying “hey mom I’m gay!” when they really aren’t gay is harmless. The issue of permanent bodily changes that shouldn’t have been done is incredibly rare. You can come back from everything except surgery and doctors don’t do that until you’re 18 and have been living as a trans person for a while.

Do you have a cite for "you can come back from everything except surgery"? I would be surprised if the powerful endocrine disruption that is involved in postponing puberty doesn't have long-term consequences. Or maybe we don't have enough data to conclude, which when you think about it is also not that great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

And gullible adults. OP handled it just fine. I think at 11 her daughter heard something somewhere and is merely repeating, or looking for a reaction.

I would make sure the school isn't engaging in any inappropriate indoctrination. Or agenda politics.

Wtf are “agenda politics”? Do you mean “identity politics?” Get your Fox News talking points right ffs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

And gullible adults. OP handled it just fine. I think at 11 her daughter heard something somewhere and is merely repeating, or looking for a reaction.

I would make sure the school isn't engaging in any inappropriate indoctrination. Or agenda politics.

Wtf are “agenda politics”? Do you mean “identity politics?” Get your Fox News talking points right ffs

Sounds like you need to be deprogrammed from CNN, MSNBC...etc. etc. etc.....lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

Yes, this is definitely a trend with the girls in upper elementary school in McLean.
Everyone is refer as "they" instead of she. Most parent are probably not aware of it.

Yes. My 8 years old said something similar a couple of months ago and has been very public that she is bi or a lesbian. I think it is a cool factor. And originally, it was about how she liked rainbows, so that made her gay.

Yes at 8 she has no idea. She probably got that idea from some friends, or from TV. I would explain what rainbows actually mean. (no not gay)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably avoid "...no matter what" statements, although i understand where OP is coming from.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is trendy to be bisexual or admitting having mental illness among teenagers.

Yes, this is definitely a trend with the girls in upper elementary school in McLean.
Everyone is refer as "they" instead of she. Most parent are probably not aware of it.

Yes. My 8 years old said something similar a couple of months ago and has been very public that she is bi or a lesbian. I think it is a cool factor. And originally, it was about how she liked rainbows, so that made her gay.

Yes at 8 she has no idea. She probably got that idea from some friends, or from TV. I would explain what rainbows actually mean. (no not gay)

Which is why parents need to do a much better job at monitoring what media their kids consume.