My kids steal food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

I've highlighted the red flag areas. Why do you think that your kids are not deserving of the food you eat? When you lock away food ( like your dh's ice cream) you are conveying that they are inferior to you and their needs are not as important than yours. I applaud you for waiting to change but, to do so you need to not lock any food. If kids aren't deserving of something than neither are you. Let me eat whatever they want and they won't want to "steal" Even calling it stealing is problematic for me because it suggests that they are not welcome to get food in your house. I consider stealing to be from a retail store not their home!

If I buy good chocolates or ice cream than my kids can have it too. As a result my kids know how to regulate their food intake and don't overeat!

[Anonymous]

Its in their home. They are not stealing it. You are too relax and let them help themselves. You need to set boundaries where they have to ask for a snack and tell you what they will eat and monitor it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical day: breakfast burritos and fruit. Chicken nuggets, string cheese, apples and ketchup for lunch. Chili with ground beef and rice and a veggie for dinner. Snacks about 11 and 2 and 4. Snacks might include: pepperoni, fruit leather, yogurt, carrots, bell peppers, cheese and crackers, popcorn, plus a serving of whatever we baked that day. We go for hot chocolate at Starbucks once or twice a week. We do dessert of fruit and cool whip or a serving of ice cream.

The additional food is on top of all that.

Suggest you take a hard look at how you all eat and feed your kids.

Ketchup is a condiment, not a food. Fruit leather is garbage. Just do whole fruit. Chicken nuggets? Pepperoni? You mentioned baking--that's not healthy eating either. String cheese isn't real cheese.

Maybe do some reading on nutrition. Not what you asked about, but a pivot in eating styles for the whole family, and eliminating processed snack foods for all of you might help. And call a professional for the other parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would also eliminate unhealthy snacks from the house. Try that for a month and see how it goes.

I would never lock up any food. That just seems wrong.

I agree that 40 lbs in a year is a lot and I too would be concerned.

I agree.

Stop locking food. DH doesn't get HIS ice cream. It is available for anyone to eat or don't buy it. He needs to understand there is a huge problem going on and be on board with not having HIS food and treat. But I do think there needs to be close monitoring. In this situation, you can't avoid it. Help them engage in more healthy snack habits and portion sizes. Example: you can have as much fruit and vegetables as you want, whenever, but other snacks, ask first (and try to not say no) and help them recognize what a portion is so they know.

This in conjunction with your DD starting some meds and more specific therapy to help her help herself impulses to overeat. Buy some sugar free gum they have access to as well and flavored soda water (the no calorie kind). That may help her feel like she is having "something" without the extra food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would also eliminate unhealthy snacks from the house. Try that for a month and see how it goes.

I would never lock up any food. That just seems wrong.

I agree that 40 lbs in a year is a lot and I too would be concerned.

I agree.

Stop locking food. DH doesn't get HIS ice cream. It is available for anyone to eat or don't buy it. He needs to understand there is a huge problem going on and be on board with not having HIS food and treat. But I do think there needs to be close monitoring. In this situation, you can't avoid it. Help them engage in more healthy snack habits and portion sizes. Example: you can have as much fruit and vegetables as you want, whenever, but other snacks, ask first (and try to not say no) and help them recognize what a portion is so they know.

This in conjunction with your DD starting some meds and more specific therapy to help her help herself impulses to overeat. Buy some sugar free gum they have access to as well and flavored soda water (the no calorie kind). That may help her feel like she is having "something" without the extra food.

I disagree with you. If they are also getting ice cream, why is it wrong to keep his from being pilfered if they have already eaten their shares? The kids are eating because they are hungry and the example day OP shared isn't exactly entirely garbage but it isn't sufficient or filling at all. I like the idea of free access to healthy snacks-as many apples/berries/leftover chili or whatever they want. That's fine. It teaches them to self regulate AND they get filling food. Like, apples and peanut butter is better than a fruit leather. They can stuff themselves on cottage cheese, egg noddles and quinoa, too.

The kids don't need therapy right now unless it is do deal with the insecurity and trust issues they have from being underfed. They just need adequate and filling food that is higher fiber, protein, etc. The only families I know who restricted food the way OP is were phobic about their daughters becoming fat--despite being four-sport athletes. My parents didn't restrict us and we are the ones without an eating disorder and aren't overweight. My sibling ate insane amounts of food and became extremely tall. His apetite went back to normal once he finished growing. OP's kids are the ages at which they're at or about to hit their big growth spurts so she needs to ease up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical day: breakfast burritos and fruit. Chicken nuggets, string cheese, apples and ketchup for lunch. Chili with ground beef and rice and a veggie for dinner. Snacks about 11 and 2 and 4. Snacks might include: pepperoni, fruit leather, yogurt, carrots, bell peppers, cheese and crackers, popcorn, plus a serving of whatever we baked that day. We go for hot chocolate at Starbucks once or twice a week. We do dessert of fruit and cool whip or a serving of ice cream.

The additional food is on top of all that.

Suggest you take a hard look at how you all eat and feed your kids.

Ketchup is a condiment, not a food. Fruit leather is garbage. Just do whole fruit. Chicken nuggets? Pepperoni? You mentioned baking--that's not healthy eating either. String cheese isn't real cheese.

Maybe do some reading on nutrition. Not what you asked about, but a pivot in eating styles for the whole family, and eliminating processed snack foods for all of you might help. And call a professional for the other parts.

If you are having 6 meals a day, kitchen is closed at other times. That's an insane amount of food and you need to tell them they cannot help themselves outside meal and snack time. Agree with this poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical day: breakfast burritos and fruit. Chicken nuggets, string cheese, apples and ketchup for lunch. Chili with ground beef and rice and a veggie for dinner. Snacks about 11 and 2 and 4. Snacks might include: pepperoni, fruit leather, yogurt, carrots, bell peppers, cheese and crackers, popcorn, plus a serving of whatever we baked that day. We go for hot chocolate at Starbucks once or twice a week. We do dessert of fruit and cool whip or a serving of ice cream.

The additional food is on top of all that.

Suggest you take a hard look at how you all eat and feed your kids.

Ketchup is a condiment, not a food. Fruit leather is garbage. Just do whole fruit. Chicken nuggets? Pepperoni? You mentioned baking--that's not healthy eating either. String cheese isn't real cheese.

Maybe do some reading on nutrition. Not what you asked about, but a pivot in eating styles for the whole family, and eliminating processed snack foods for all of you might help. And call a professional for the other parts.

What OP posted is fine. You can't win for losing on this site. I posted about my kid's diet and got skewered because most of her preferred foods are low fat superfoods (not my fault!). OP, maybe you would get more helpful advice if you posted in the kids with special needs forum about your kid who seems to be eating compulsively-the adhd diagnosis seems important here.

[Anonymous]

Kids who steal food have parents with eating disorders. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you think your kids eating food in your house is stealing says a lot. You and your kids need therapy.

Agreed. So much to unpack here. Stealing in a home they live in?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s just boredom. When I’m bored I start rummaging for stuff and being home during covid has made it a terrible habit and I’ve put on weight. Just try to get them some exercise and/or out of the house sometime everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids who steal food have parents with eating disorders. Ask me how I know.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your 9 yo is in therapy you have bigger problems than food stealing.

NP. That’s mean. My child is in therapy to help her with her ADHD and anxiety (they run in the family). Do I have a big problem?

NP here

I would say yes. A life long one. The worst of which will hit in the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would also eliminate unhealthy snacks from the house. Try that for a month and see how it goes.

I would never lock up any food. That just seems wrong.

I agree that 40 lbs in a year is a lot and I too would be concerned.

I agree.

Stop locking food. DH doesn't get HIS ice cream. It is available for anyone to eat or don't buy it. He needs to understand there is a huge problem going on and be on board with not having HIS food and treat. But I do think there needs to be close monitoring. In this situation, you can't avoid it. Help them engage in more healthy snack habits and portion sizes. Example: you can have as much fruit and vegetables as you want, whenever, but other snacks, ask first (and try to not say no) and help them recognize what a portion is so they know.

This in conjunction with your DD starting some meds and more specific therapy to help her help herself impulses to overeat. Buy some sugar free gum they have access to as well and flavored soda water (the no calorie kind). That may help her feel like she is having "something" without the extra food.

I disagree with you. If they are also getting ice cream, why is it wrong to keep his from being pilfered if they have already eaten their shares? The kids are eating because they are hungry and the example day OP shared isn't exactly entirely garbage but it isn't sufficient or filling at all. I like the idea of free access to healthy snacks-as many apples/berries/leftover chili or whatever they want. That's fine. It teaches them to self regulate AND they get filling food. Like, apples and peanut butter is better than a fruit leather. They can stuff themselves on cottage cheese, egg noddles and quinoa, too.

The kids don't need therapy right now unless it is do deal with the insecurity and trust issues they have from being underfed. They just need adequate and filling food that is higher fiber, protein, etc. The only families I know who restricted food the way OP is were phobic about their daughters becoming fat--despite being four-sport athletes. My parents didn't restrict us and we are the ones without an eating disorder and aren't overweight. My sibling ate insane amounts of food and became extremely tall. His apetite went back to normal once he finished growing. OP's kids are the ages at which they're at or about to hit their big growth spurts so she needs to ease up.

No, to the bolded. Locking up "your" food is disordered, and leads you to thinking kids are "stealing" food in their own home.

[Anonymous]

Distance learning is sensory depriving. They are probably doing it out of boredom, to stimulate the nervous system or boost glucose in the brain. Maybe it helps them focus during this very difficult year. Make sure they have good things to drink—healthy juices, herbal tea.

[Anonymous]

This thread has gotten weird. If one of my kids stole my portion of ice cream after eating his own I’d be pissed. We just got a box of fantastic baklava shipped to us. We divided it into 1/4 so everyone could have a portion. I eat slower and savor it. Dh basically eats his all instantly. It’s only fair that you don’t touch the others’ portion. We don’t call dibs on healthy food like carrots or oranges. Those are all unlimited. Same with nuts.