My kids steal food.

[Anonymous]

My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

[Anonymous]

What are you feeding them in the three squares? Sounds like they don't like it or it isn't tasty. Perhaps - involve them in the decision and cooking process.

Also leave healthy snacks lying around - don't buy cookies and chips at all. They want to 'steal' something, they can grab a yogurt and a banana.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, you aren't feeding them enougj.

[Anonymous]

You are psycho.

[Anonymous]

I also want to know what they’re getting for breakfast and lunch. And how much. Maybe they’re legit hungry?

[Anonymous]

You are crazy. They would end up learning no self control if you poilce like this

[Anonymous]

#1: Stop buying any food that is not healthy. When you guys want treats, buy single servings or make it as a family. Ice cream, crackers, lunch meats don't make the cut. Stick with fresh fruits and vegetables, raw meats, whole grains, etc.

#2: Don't make extra food for meals so there aren't leftovers.

#3: Get into the habit of doing physical exercise as a family--not to lose weight but to emphasize what a healthy lifestyle looks like. Tell the children that being healthy is a three-legged stool of Sleep, Exercise, and healthy Eating.

Can you work near the kitchen so you can monitor a bit better? My kid was not in the kitchen alone so this never came up.

[Anonymous]

My first thought is that eating too frequently could be a boredom compulsive behavior. Are they alone doing DL? If so, then they need an adult to help curb the habit. It was probably very freeing at the start to have access to food all day and that has evolved into a habit. Lots of adults are also struggling with this who work from home. DL is intended to be done with supervision and guidance.

[Anonymous]

Geez. I thought you meant stealing food from a store or something. Those kids must be hungry. Buy them healthier snacks and feed them protein rich snacks.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I was half expecting you to say they were shoplifting or stealing food from their friend’s house. Because it’s not stealing when it’s your own house.

Reassess.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is prior trauma, hiding and sneaking food is almost always an indication that the children are way too restricted and that there are serious issues around food in the home (ie too much restriction). I highly highly recommend that you meet with a therapist who specializes (this is important) in disordered eating. I don’t think there is any other option but to be blunt - your children will develop lifelong eating issues, that could lead to full blown disorders if they haven’t already if you don’t start approaching this in a different way - based on research and with someone trained in this specifically to help you. Your child WILL continue to gain weight if you continue on this path as they will continue to feel restricted and then binge.

Here is a place to start, they specifically also work with people that don’t necessarily have a diagnosed eating disorder so don’t be turned off by that. Regular therapists are NOT trained in eating issues and can actually be harmful sometimes (I speak from both professional and personal experience here) and they are doing virtual sessions right now https://www.theeatingdisordercenter.com/

I also would be cautious with recommendations here if specific things to do with your kids from folks not trained in this.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'd post in special needs - this topic comes up fairly often- yes, we want to teach good eating happens, self control, etc - except when you have literally tried everything - sometimes you have to take more extreme measures to break the cycle and get it under control-

[Anonymous]

If your 9 yo is in therapy you have bigger problems than food stealing.

[Anonymous]

Food issues are often about control. The more you try to police, control, make clear what they can and can’t have, etc., the more they are going to rebel.

Try not doing anything for a month or two. They eat the ice cream. Fine. No reaction. Same with the strawberries. No reaction.

Make the healthy snacks easy to get - ie the veggies are already cut up and the hummus is in one-serving containers. They eat all the brownies - oh well, now there are none.

If they truly are eating too much after you give your hands off approach a honest try, then you may need to involve a therapist who specializes in food behavior issues.

As an aside, this is something I have had to work on a mom. BECAUSE MY MOM RAISED ME WITH THIS BEHAVIOR. She felt more secure being in control and also was very fearful that her daughter would be overweight and consequently, in her mind, unable to find a husband.

I’m of normal weight, I have a husband, and also need to remind myself not to lose my mind when my kids eat too many goldfish crackers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho.

Or something. I used to "steal" food when I was a kid becauseI was frickin hungry. The three squares my mom gave me weren't enough for a growing child. Feed your kids more and allow them access to food. A child shouldn't have to sneak/steal food.