My kids steal food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to accept that the current system you set up is not working. Maybe work with your daughter's therapist to try a new approach. I was raised in a very food-restricted home and would "steal" and hide food (and as is fairly common with those dynamics, developed an eating disorder as a teen). My kid has free access to any food in our home and it works great for us.

It may work great for you, but what is the answer when you’ve been doing this and one child starts becoming overweight?

It’s difficult to eat so much nutrient dense food like fruits and veggies that it’s unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age do you allow free access to food? My kids are toddlers and aren’t there yet. We always have nuts and fruits accessible but they’d raid my pantry if allowed and wouldn’t eat dinner.

My kids are 5 and 3 and can have fruit or veggies as a snack between meals. If we are close to a mealtime (20 minutes or less) I ask them to wait until after the meal or serve it with the meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age do you allow free access to food? My kids are toddlers and aren’t there yet. We always have nuts and fruits accessible but they’d raid my pantry if allowed and wouldn’t eat dinner.

My kids are 5 and 3 and can have fruit or veggies as a snack between meals. If we are close to a mealtime (20 minutes or less) I ask them to wait until after the meal or serve it with the meal.

Yes that’s what I do but it’s not free access

[Anonymous]

What exactly is your concern? If they eat a pound of lunch meat and a pint of strawberries ... are you worried because
- They are overweight?
- The lunch meat was intended for the full week and now there's nothing left to eat for lunch?
- The sodium in the lunch meat isn't healthy?
- They are disobeying house rules by eating when (or what) they aren't supposed to eat?
- Something else?

My advice will be different depending on what the actual problem is. I mean, if my 9yo went into the fridge and got some lunch meat, I'd call that "snacking", not "stealing". Why don't you allow this? Why do they feel they need to lie about it?

[Anonymous]

The fact that you think your kids eating food in your house is stealing says a lot. You and your kids need therapy.

[Anonymous]

You are creating this problem yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

My kids do stuff like this an it never occurred to me to be upset or punish. I just chalked it up to kids being weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

Please see a therapist immediately. There are real issues in your house, and those issues are being expressed by your children through food. I don't even think this about being hungry. This is about their inability to communicate their needs to you, and your inability to show real love to them. A therapist can help you see these issues and help you get to some solutions. If you don't address this now, there will be even worse problems in the future.

[Anonymous]

What are these three square meals? Is it enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

My kids do stuff like this an it never occurred to me to be upset or punish. I just chalked it up to kids being weird.

If you had a child that was overweight would you still not see it as a problem if they ate an entire box of crackers as a snack?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your 9 yo is in therapy you have bigger problems than food stealing.

NP. That’s mean. My child is in therapy to help her with her ADHD and anxiety (they run in the family). Do I have a big problem?

[Anonymous]

OP can you please come back and share a typical day's meals and snacks for us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My kids — 9 and 5 — are home all day distance learning and cannot stop stealing food. They eat three squares, I’m always ready with a healthy snack. They get plenty of treats. hot chocolate, bake something, etc. but they will still go into the cabinets and fridge and eat an entire box of crackers or pick the top layer off of the lasagna left over from last night. My husband locks his ice cream in our chest freezer but if we forget they will destroy it.

They know because we’ve said really clearly what they can and can’t have. We’ve tried taking away electronics and putting things in time out or canceling fun stuff when they disobey but honestly the problem is so pervasive that they’d have to be in perpetual lockdown if we punished every infraction. Also, sometimes the perfidy is not discovered until later which complicates things. It’s not just carby sugary things, they will pound a box of lunch meat or a pint of strawberries, leave the trash, and lie about it.

At first it was annoying but is getting to be a big problem. My 9 yo is getting seriously overweight. Her stealing is obviously compulsive in some way. She has discussed it with her therapist and has made some progress but often backslides. The 5 yo is a normal weight but now refuses food at meals because he knows he can just get something better later when he pokes around. He is sharp enough that when he gets caught she blames his sister which causes extra strife.

I feel like locking things sends a bad message. And I have a healthy diet with a good amount of splurges and I don’t want to stop buying things I like because they can’t hang. Any advice appreciated.

My kids do stuff like this an it never occurred to me to be upset or punish. I just chalked it up to kids being weird.

If you had a child that was overweight would you still not see it as a problem if they ate an entire box of crackers as a snack?

We don't know if the overweight issue is a result of food hoarding because of parents' control over food. Or what the OP defines as overweight. Or if it's pre-pubescent pudge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your 9 yo is in therapy you have bigger problems than food stealing.

NP. That’s mean. My child is in therapy to help her with her ADHD and anxiety (they run in the family). Do I have a big problem?

My child is in therapt, too and I didn't take offense to pps comment. We DO have bigger problems that cannot be crowdsourced on dcum, which is why employ a professional. I think op has an unhealthy relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to accept that the current system you set up is not working. Maybe work with your daughter's therapist to try a new approach. I was raised in a very food-restricted home and would "steal" and hide food (and as is fairly common with those dynamics, developed an eating disorder as a teen). My kid has free access to any food in our home and it works great for us.

It may work great for you, but what is the answer when you’ve been doing this and one child starts becoming overweight?

It’s difficult to eat so much nutrient dense food like fruits and veggies that it’s unhealthy.

It is also near impossible to only keep fruits and vegetables in your house. That isn't a helpful suggestion.