Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Duh. Because children don't like to play with other children. They hate it. They prefer to be hovered over by anxious adults all day long. But only one anxious adult at a time, otherwise it's not true 1:1 time.

hahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.

In what world is hovering parent a healthy childhood. Kids literally NEVER grew up this way. The amount of domestic labor women had was huge and kids were sent outside and left to other kids to raise. There is substantial evidence that working moms today spend way more time with their kids than SAHMs in the 50s-70s did. Dads also spend more time with their kids. So whether or not both parents work, kids are getting more parental attention than ever before. And then there’s the nutters that feel they need to be hovered over endlessly by a parent - if you want to be worried about a set of kids worry about those snowflakes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.

In what world is hovering parent a healthy childhood. Kids literally NEVER grew up this way. The amount of domestic labor women had was huge and kids were sent outside and left to other kids to raise. There is substantial evidence that working moms today spend way more time with their kids than SAHMs in the 50s-70s did. Dads also spend more time with their kids. So whether or not both parents work, kids are getting more parental attention than ever before. And then there’s the nutters that feel they need to be hovered over endlessly by a parent - if you want to be worried about a set of kids worry about those snowflakes

Ok, this has nothing to do with anything. Both parents need to be spending 1-1 time with their kids, not just mom's. There is a difference between spending time and hovering and if you cannot understand that its sad for your kids or maybe you just aren't someone they want to spend time with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

Enough time for what? How much time do you spend every day 1-1 with each of your kids with no one else in the room?

A lot. Probably several hours a day but we have a small house so we are pretty much together all day.

How are you spending any 1:1 time if your whole family is together all day? Or are you a single parent of an only child with no friends of family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.

Right... I should just quit my job. Do you realize that even if I had only one in school it would have been the same issue? I have a FT job and spend plenty if time with my kids when I am not working... yes they go to school... should I not send them? Yes the toddler has a nanny so I can work... should I put him in daycare? Oh no, I should just quit my job.. right...
listen, my kids are so happy to have siblings. They have more people to live and who love them. The older two are best friends.

OP is just a sad woman with a lonely kid. Just feel bad for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

Enough time for what? How much time do you spend every day 1-1 with each of your kids with no one else in the room?

A lot. Probably several hours a day but we have a small house so we are pretty much together all day.

How are you spending any 1:1 time if your whole family is together all day? Or are you a single parent of an only child with no friends of family?

Quality is much more important than quantity. Just being in the same room
Does not qualify as time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand wanting 2 no matter what; I can understand an oops baby (though I honestly think people just aren’t being careful). But choosing to have 3? Am I just a low energy person that I find it hard to pay as much attention to my only as I would like if I work a regular 9-5?

Yes. Other people have more energy than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.

In what world is hovering parent a healthy childhood. Kids literally NEVER grew up this way. The amount of domestic labor women had was huge and kids were sent outside and left to other kids to raise. There is substantial evidence that working moms today spend way more time with their kids than SAHMs in the 50s-70s did. Dads also spend more time with their kids. So whether or not both parents work, kids are getting more parental attention than ever before. And then there’s the nutters that feel they need to be hovered over endlessly by a parent - if you want to be worried about a set of kids worry about those snowflakes

+1000
Kids with some autonomy and sibling play over the helicopter kids who spend all day with parents. There’s no point in civilization where that’s considered normal child rearing or family life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand wanting 2 no matter what; I can understand an oops baby (though I honestly think people just aren’t being careful). But choosing to have 3? Am I just a low energy person that I find it hard to pay as much attention to my only as I would like if I work a regular 9-5?

You sound judgemental. Why do you only have one?

Because I can’t manage more kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I don’t particularly care, just it is hard for me to balance even one child and a job, so I was curious why people would take so much upon themselves.
I now understand things better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

But do you have time for them? Energy? I like my kid, his friends, my nephews, but I don’t have the energy for more than one. Trying to understand if I am just weak.

Yes, you sound decidedly weak. Many people have higher energy levels than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Duh. Because children don't like to play with other children. They hate it. They prefer to be hovered over by anxious adults all day long. But only one anxious adult at a time, otherwise it's not true 1:1 time.

+1. Good parents know kids love this and it is the only responsible way to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I don’t particularly care, just it is hard for me to balance even one child and a job, so I was curious why people would take so much upon themselves.
I now understand things better.

Their priorities are different. They aren't worried about the individual child and they expect the kids to entertain and care for themselves. After a certain age, usually elementary they expect kids to be 100% independent. So, if you just have to do a dinner and kids do their breakfast, lunch and are on their own for things like schoolwork, laundry, and transportation they aren't really that much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are accessory children.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

This way of thinking is really ignorant. Who are you to say what exact amount of 1:1 time is needed to raise a healthy child? IMHO, it’s more difficult to raise a healthy only child because they lack the hours and hours of social interactions with siblings that larger families benefit from. See how that goes...there’s no one perfect family set up.