Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Status is part of it if I’m being honest but I wouldn’t have three only for status. I love being a mom but it feels good to project that we have enough money for three.

Thanks for being honest, PP. I'm someone who wouldn't have thought of the status thing. We're UMC, our kids go to private school, we live in a $1.5M house, have a boat, own horses, travel, etc. We could afford three but don't want more than two, which I guess is why it doesn't occur to me that having three signifies status in any way.

You are not UMC with that house, kids in private, a boat, horses and travel. Who are you trying to pretend to be. You are rich. It’s offensive you even pretend.

Ok, so I guess you’re the arbiter or who is UMC and who is UC? My husband and I both work and we don’t have family money. We have friends who are truly UC and I don’t think we are. I never said we weren’t rich. Why would you be offended? That’s just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they only people who CHOOSE to have a 3rd child are SAHMs to fill their void.

I don’t think working moms choose to have a child, it’s mostly an accident.

Speaking of that, I’m definitely seeing a lot of quarantine babies. I guess many people didn’t just bake bread for fun during lockdown.

That is a super weird thing to say. I have two friends with three who are working moms and none of them had the third by accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

Look who’s a pathetic hypocrite. Posting over and over again to strangers that they’ve wasted their life but whining that they’re not being classy and insulting you is exactly what a waste of space who hasn’t been raised right would do. You have no respect for others, your family or yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

Look who’s a pathetic hypocrite. Posting over and over again to strangers that they’ve wasted their life but whining that they’re not being classy and insulting you is exactly what a waste of space who hasn’t been raised right would do. You have no respect for others, your family or yourself.

It’s obvious from PP’s earlier posts that she has a huge chip on her shoulder and was neglected as a child..it’s sad really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to your logic, children shouldn’t do any chores. If my spouse and I buy a house, they shouldn’t have to do chores because they didn’t buy the house. If we buy a car, they don’t have to clean it because they didn’t buy it. If we buy their clothes, they don’t have to do laundry. Are we forcing these tasks on them too because we aren’t paying them? How do they differ from babysitting? You can call babysitting whatever you like, but there’s nothing wrong with asking older siblings to help with taking care of the younger ones as long as they’re not substituting for the parents. It’s a life skill. It teaches empathy, child rearing, and responsibility. So many new parents struggle to take of children because they have no previous experience.

A PP already explained this.

P.s.: do your younger children have EXTRA chores too. Some of you seem obsessed with “preparing” first born kids only.

Me again. “Do your younger children have EXTRA chores too ???”

It sounds like by EXTRA chores, you mean being thoughtful of other people in the home, and no, my youngest didn’t do this the way the older kids did. Youngest children are notoriously spoiled.

I have no idea how people with only one child keep from spoiling their children. I did spend a lot of 1:1 time with my youngest in the years before he started school, and we pretty much did whatever he wanted. If we were going to go to the zoo or the playground, and he wanted to go to the zoo, then we went there, and we walked around wherever he wanted to go. I fixed him whatever he wanted for lunch as long as we had it, and it was relatively easy. Fortunately, that was only a few hours a day for two years. I am not sure how a child would turn out if he had this his entire life. Probably, you would have to send an only child to some kind of group childcare.

How is this spoiling a child? There’s nothing wrong with following a child’s lead. It’s not like you had to change your plans for your child. Tbh, PP you seem to think children are a nuisance.

'

How did you get that? I don't think they are a nuisance. But if I have more than one, then I might say something like, "we will see the giraffes first, then the elephants next." Or "everyone is having turkey sandwiches for lunch today because they are Andrew's favorite. Tomorrow we will have grilled cheese." With one, I just kind of followed his lead and did whatever he wanted to do nearly all of the time.

Because when there is just one adult and one child, only a crazy person would make their child see the giraffes when she really wanted to see the elephants or eat turkey when it's just as easy to make the grilled cheese she really wants, or, to use pp's example, to be careful with the scissors when she is the only one in the room.

So, yeah, my youngest is not as thoughtful of other people as the older kids are. He is still a nice boy, but he is a little lacking in consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

Look who’s a pathetic hypocrite. Posting over and over again to strangers that they’ve wasted their life but whining that they’re not being classy and insulting you is exactly what a waste of space who hasn’t been raised right would do. You have no respect for others, your family or yourself.

It’s obvious from PP’s earlier posts that she has a huge chip on her shoulder and was neglected as a child..it’s sad really.

I am lost. Who was neglected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

Look who’s a pathetic hypocrite. Posting over and over again to strangers that they’ve wasted their life but whining that they’re not being classy and insulting you is exactly what a waste of space who hasn’t been raised right would do. You have no respect for others, your family or yourself.

It’s obvious from PP’s earlier posts that she has a huge chip on her shoulder and was neglected as a child..it’s sad really.

I am lost. Who was neglected?

The poster with rich parents that weren’t around much or the poster calling her names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

If you ask me, it sounds like your mom failed in life big time bc she raised a pos like you.

Wow... I bet your mom would be proud of you bullying and insulting someone on an anonymous forum. Sorry you feel so threatened by other people’s experience to have to respond this way... I feel bad for your kids (if you have any)

We’re not talking about me idiot, but sure, continue to feel defensive and retort in pathetic cliches when you’re called out for your ugly remarks. Again, it’s clear that your parents have failed in raising a well adjusted human.

Your name calling is really classy.

DP- no point in acting all high and mighty when the initial comment was so arrogant and judgmental..”waste of a life,” really?

Look, if you feel that you wasted your life, do something about it and stop insulting strangers on DCUM. Very classy and mature

Look who’s a pathetic hypocrite. Posting over and over again to strangers that they’ve wasted their life but whining that they’re not being classy and insulting you is exactly what a waste of space who hasn’t been raised right would do. You have no respect for others, your family or yourself.

It’s obvious from PP’s earlier posts that she has a huge chip on her shoulder and was neglected as a child..it’s sad really.

I am lost. Who was neglected?

The poster with rich parents that weren’t around much or the poster calling her names?

Poster with parents who weren’t around

[Anonymous]

Not wanting to resurrect a thread that’s dead, but I wanted to respond to the original poster’s thread. Maybe there’s a lot of people who want to “big life” with a more children and more love, even if that also means more stress and less attention to dole out. Maybe it’s recognizing that our children aren’t our possessions and that we want to give them life, some opportunities, and allow them to figure things out more for themselves rather than micromanaging their every move. I guess what I’m saying is that the original question itself was sort of odd and steeped in presumptions about class, level of attention required for “appropriate” parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to your logic, children shouldn’t do any chores. If my spouse and I buy a house, they shouldn’t have to do chores because they didn’t buy the house. If we buy a car, they don’t have to clean it because they didn’t buy it. If we buy their clothes, they don’t have to do laundry. Are we forcing these tasks on them too because we aren’t paying them? How do they differ from babysitting? You can call babysitting whatever you like, but there’s nothing wrong with asking older siblings to help with taking care of the younger ones as long as they’re not substituting for the parents. It’s a life skill. It teaches empathy, child rearing, and responsibility. So many new parents struggle to take of children because they have no previous experience.

A PP already explained this.

P.s.: do your younger children have EXTRA chores too. Some of you seem obsessed with “preparing” first born kids only.

Me again. “Do your younger children have EXTRA chores too ???”

It sounds like by EXTRA chores, you mean being thoughtful of other people in the home, and no, my youngest didn’t do this the way the older kids did. Youngest children are notoriously spoiled.

I have no idea how people with only one child keep from spoiling their children. I did spend a lot of 1:1 time with my youngest in the years before he started school, and we pretty much did whatever he wanted. If we were going to go to the zoo or the playground, and he wanted to go to the zoo, then we went there, and we walked around wherever he wanted to go. I fixed him whatever he wanted for lunch as long as we had it, and it was relatively easy. Fortunately, that was only a few hours a day for two years. I am not sure how a child would turn out if he had this his entire life. Probably, you would have to send an only child to some kind of group childcare.

How is this spoiling a child? There’s nothing wrong with following a child’s lead. It’s not like you had to change your plans for your child. Tbh, PP you seem to think children are a nuisance.

'

How did you get that? I don't think they are a nuisance. But if I have more than one, then I might say something like, "we will see the giraffes first, then the elephants next." Or "everyone is having turkey sandwiches for lunch today because they are Andrew's favorite. Tomorrow we will have grilled cheese." With one, I just kind of followed his lead and did whatever he wanted to do nearly all of the time.

Because when there is just one adult and one child, only a crazy person would make their child see the giraffes when she really wanted to see the elephants or eat turkey when it's just as easy to make the grilled cheese she really wants, or, to use pp's example, to be careful with the scissors when she is the only one in the room.

So, yeah, my youngest is not as thoughtful of other people as the older kids are. He is still a nice boy, but he is a little lacking in consideration.

That's your parenting issue/failure. It sounds like you really didn't meet his needs like you thought you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Status, trendy, grew up with a large family, have money to pay for nannies. Most aren't concerned about spending a lot of 1-1 time with each kid and have the kids to play with each other and care for one another.

The obsession with one on one time is what makes American kids spoilt brats that can’t function as adults once they get to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to your logic, children shouldn’t do any chores. If my spouse and I buy a house, they shouldn’t have to do chores because they didn’t buy the house. If we buy a car, they don’t have to clean it because they didn’t buy it. If we buy their clothes, they don’t have to do laundry. Are we forcing these tasks on them too because we aren’t paying them? How do they differ from babysitting? You can call babysitting whatever you like, but there’s nothing wrong with asking older siblings to help with taking care of the younger ones as long as they’re not substituting for the parents. It’s a life skill. It teaches empathy, child rearing, and responsibility. So many new parents struggle to take of children because they have no previous experience.

A PP already explained this.

P.s.: do your younger children have EXTRA chores too. Some of you seem obsessed with “preparing” first born kids only.

Me again. “Do your younger children have EXTRA chores too ???”

It sounds like by EXTRA chores, you mean being thoughtful of other people in the home, and no, my youngest didn’t do this the way the older kids did. Youngest children are notoriously spoiled.

I have no idea how people with only one child keep from spoiling their children. I did spend a lot of 1:1 time with my youngest in the years before he started school, and we pretty much did whatever he wanted. If we were going to go to the zoo or the playground, and he wanted to go to the zoo, then we went there, and we walked around wherever he wanted to go. I fixed him whatever he wanted for lunch as long as we had it, and it was relatively easy. Fortunately, that was only a few hours a day for two years. I am not sure how a child would turn out if he had this his entire life. Probably, you would have to send an only child to some kind of group childcare.

How is this spoiling a child? There’s nothing wrong with following a child’s lead. It’s not like you had to change your plans for your child. Tbh, PP you seem to think children are a nuisance.

'

How did you get that? I don't think they are a nuisance. But if I have more than one, then I might say something like, "we will see the giraffes first, then the elephants next." Or "everyone is having turkey sandwiches for lunch today because they are Andrew's favorite. Tomorrow we will have grilled cheese." With one, I just kind of followed his lead and did whatever he wanted to do nearly all of the time.

Because when there is just one adult and one child, only a crazy person would make their child see the giraffes when she really wanted to see the elephants or eat turkey when it's just as easy to make the grilled cheese she really wants, or, to use pp's example, to be careful with the scissors when she is the only one in the room.

So, yeah, my youngest is not as thoughtful of other people as the older kids are. He is still a nice boy, but he is a little lacking in consideration.

Of course he’s not as thoughtful. He’s younger. Your expectations are unreasonable. There’s something off about the way you describe your child. I feel sorry for him. I hope there’s someone in his life who loves him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to your logic, children shouldn’t do any chores. If my spouse and I buy a house, they shouldn’t have to do chores because they didn’t buy the house. If we buy a car, they don’t have to clean it because they didn’t buy it. If we buy their clothes, they don’t have to do laundry. Are we forcing these tasks on them too because we aren’t paying them? How do they differ from babysitting? You can call babysitting whatever you like, but there’s nothing wrong with asking older siblings to help with taking care of the younger ones as long as they’re not substituting for the parents. It’s a life skill. It teaches empathy, child rearing, and responsibility. So many new parents struggle to take of children because they have no previous experience.

A PP already explained this.

P.s.: do your younger children have EXTRA chores too. Some of you seem obsessed with “preparing” first born kids only.

Me again. “Do your younger children have EXTRA chores too ???”

It sounds like by EXTRA chores, you mean being thoughtful of other people in the home, and no, my youngest didn’t do this the way the older kids did. Youngest children are notoriously spoiled.

I have no idea how people with only one child keep from spoiling their children. I did spend a lot of 1:1 time with my youngest in the years before he started school, and we pretty much did whatever he wanted. If we were going to go to the zoo or the playground, and he wanted to go to the zoo, then we went there, and we walked around wherever he wanted to go. I fixed him whatever he wanted for lunch as long as we had it, and it was relatively easy. Fortunately, that was only a few hours a day for two years. I am not sure how a child would turn out if he had this his entire life. Probably, you would have to send an only child to some kind of group childcare.

How is this spoiling a child? There’s nothing wrong with following a child’s lead. It’s not like you had to change your plans for your child. Tbh, PP you seem to think children are a nuisance.

'

How did you get that? I don't think they are a nuisance. But if I have more than one, then I might say something like, "we will see the giraffes first, then the elephants next." Or "everyone is having turkey sandwiches for lunch today because they are Andrew's favorite. Tomorrow we will have grilled cheese." With one, I just kind of followed his lead and did whatever he wanted to do nearly all of the time.

Because when there is just one adult and one child, only a crazy person would make their child see the giraffes when she really wanted to see the elephants or eat turkey when it's just as easy to make the grilled cheese she really wants, or, to use pp's example, to be careful with the scissors when she is the only one in the room.

So, yeah, my youngest is not as thoughtful of other people as the older kids are. He is still a nice boy, but he is a little lacking in consideration.

Of course he’s not as thoughtful. He’s younger. Your expectations are unreasonable. There’s something off about the way you describe your child. I feel sorry for him. I hope there’s someone in his life who loves him for who he is.

This isn't a description of my child. This is a response to a question about whether or not he has the same responsibilities as the older children in regards to taking care of the family. He didn't, and he doesn't.

He is also funny and incredibly charismatic and brilliant at math. He was one of those children who could multiply large numbers in first grade. He smiles and laughs a lot, and he makes friends easily. People are drawn to him. But yeah, he does have faults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to your logic, children shouldn’t do any chores. If my spouse and I buy a house, they shouldn’t have to do chores because they didn’t buy the house. If we buy a car, they don’t have to clean it because they didn’t buy it. If we buy their clothes, they don’t have to do laundry. Are we forcing these tasks on them too because we aren’t paying them? How do they differ from babysitting? You can call babysitting whatever you like, but there’s nothing wrong with asking older siblings to help with taking care of the younger ones as long as they’re not substituting for the parents. It’s a life skill. It teaches empathy, child rearing, and responsibility. So many new parents struggle to take of children because they have no previous experience.

A PP already explained this.

P.s.: do your younger children have EXTRA chores too. Some of you seem obsessed with “preparing” first born kids only.

Me again. “Do your younger children have EXTRA chores too ???”

It sounds like by EXTRA chores, you mean being thoughtful of other people in the home, and no, my youngest didn’t do this the way the older kids did. Youngest children are notoriously spoiled.

I have no idea how people with only one child keep from spoiling their children. I did spend a lot of 1:1 time with my youngest in the years before he started school, and we pretty much did whatever he wanted. If we were going to go to the zoo or the playground, and he wanted to go to the zoo, then we went there, and we walked around wherever he wanted to go. I fixed him whatever he wanted for lunch as long as we had it, and it was relatively easy. Fortunately, that was only a few hours a day for two years. I am not sure how a child would turn out if he had this his entire life. Probably, you would have to send an only child to some kind of group childcare.

How is this spoiling a child? There’s nothing wrong with following a child’s lead. It’s not like you had to change your plans for your child. Tbh, PP you seem to think children are a nuisance.

'

How did you get that? I don't think they are a nuisance. But if I have more than one, then I might say something like, "we will see the giraffes first, then the elephants next." Or "everyone is having turkey sandwiches for lunch today because they are Andrew's favorite. Tomorrow we will have grilled cheese." With one, I just kind of followed his lead and did whatever he wanted to do nearly all of the time.

Because when there is just one adult and one child, only a crazy person would make their child see the giraffes when she really wanted to see the elephants or eat turkey when it's just as easy to make the grilled cheese she really wants, or, to use pp's example, to be careful with the scissors when she is the only one in the room.

So, yeah, my youngest is not as thoughtful of other people as the older kids are. He is still a nice boy, but he is a little lacking in consideration.

That's your parenting issue/failure. It sounds like you really didn't meet his needs like you thought you did.

Okay. What would you do differently?