Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

DP. How much one on one time does your child get? Answer that first before PP does.

It is ridiculous that some of you think that you spend so much more time with your 2 vs. parents with 3. I would argue that many with 2 actually spend less time with their kids if the kids are closer in age.

My kids get non-stop attention as I am a SAHM and my husband works from home and shares an office with the kids and is very hands on. Since we aren't socializing with others, they are our full attention. We have never had a babysitter or nanny (though I am not against them but never had the need) nor a lot of family help (we do have friends/neighbors who will help in an emergency).

No offense but I think this thread was geared for those with demanding jobs. It would be simple to spend time w your kids if there was a SAHP involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand wanting 2 no matter what; I can understand an oops baby (though I honestly think people just aren’t being careful). But choosing to have 3? Am I just a low energy person that I find it hard to pay as much attention to my only as I would like if I work a regular 9-5?

You sound judgemental. Why do you only have one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

[Anonymous]

Cause they want to annoy you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

DP. How much one on one time does your child get? Answer that first before PP does.

It is ridiculous that some of you think that you spend so much more time with your 2 vs. parents with 3. I would argue that many with 2 actually spend less time with their kids if the kids are closer in age.

My kids get non-stop attention as I am a SAHM and my husband works from home and shares an office with the kids and is very hands on. Since we aren't socializing with others, they are our full attention. We have never had a babysitter or nanny (though I am not against them but never had the need) nor a lot of family help (we do have friends/neighbors who will help in an emergency).

No offense but I think this thread was geared for those with demanding jobs. It would be simple to spend time w your kids if there was a SAHP involved?

My spouse has a very demanding job as did I but I stopped as I knew it was impossible to do without hiring a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I knew a family 20 years ago. Both parents physicians. 10 children.

The kids seem to have turned out okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

Enough time for what? How much time do you spend every day 1-1 with each of your kids with no one else in the room?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed that physicianmoms have lots of kids. High incomes esp since they are usually married to another high income earner. I want 3 kids despite the demands of medicine. I love being pregnant.

[Anonymous]

People are terrible. And OP just sounds petty and jealous. What business is it of yours how many kids people have provided that they can afford them and take care of them? Yes, people with demanding jobs likely have nannies, but you realize that this is not a new construct? What is a new construct is the idea that the modern mom must be omnipresent with her children, involved in every aspect of their lives, AND have a fulfilling career. Families were never supposed to be like that. And yes, children are supposed to take care of each other.

My husband and I have three. I run my own business. Work at home. Have a full-time nanny who is here with me every day. We have a decent HHI. We both come from big loving families and through tragedy or other crisis have learned the importance of siblings and extended family. We want to give that family structure and support to our children. I can't imagine having just 1 or 2, but I would never judge anyone for doing that.

It's crazy to think that live in an age where women are disgusted by other women having families that don't mirror their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Duh. Because children don't like to play with other children. They hate it. They prefer to be hovered over by anxious adults all day long. But only one anxious adult at a time, otherwise it's not true 1:1 time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

Does only 1-1 time with a parent count?

If I am looking at a microscope with my 11 year old, and he tells to his older brother to show him what we saw, are we no longer spending time together? Do family dinners, board games, and trips not count?

I probably spend about 20 minutes of dedicated 1-1 time with each child (excluding time helping them with homework, forcing them to practice music, or getting them ready to go somewhere). But I spend a lot of time with them as a group, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together as well.

20 minutes is not enough time but keep telling yourself being a group and not 1-1 is the priority.

Enough time for what? How much time do you spend every day 1-1 with each of your kids with no one else in the room?

A lot. Probably several hours a day but we have a small house so we are pretty much together all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Duh. Because children don't like to play with other children. They hate it. They prefer to be hovered over by anxious adults all day long. But only one anxious adult at a time, otherwise it's not true 1:1 time.

Because siblings aren't always playmates. My sibling was horrible to me and still is. My parents should not have had a second child. Most parents do it who say their child needs a sibling for their needs, not either of the kids needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.