Is dating harder for guys who have an average income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm early 50's, male, married, and about a 7.5/10 for looks and make about 110K.


This thread is definitely telling me I should stay in my somewhat unhappy marriage, or if I can't, to embrace being alone as a gift from God.

That is correct. My fed dh has a number of single older male fed co-workers who apparently thought getting divorced in middle age was a great idea. They are still alone and the young women they flirt with are just creeped out.

They are most likely broke slobs. If you are decent looking and have halfway decent social skills, you can do ok, even in the DC area. If he is smart, he will head to South America or SE Asia and have a field day.

Oh please no! No 90 day fiance fiasco. In my experience and observations the majority of modern mail order brides leave the husband in a few weeks or a few years and have major issues.

Let be real - All the guys on 90 day fiance are chosen because they have social and emotional issues that make for great TV. Any normal American guy dating abroad is treated like a celebrity. I'll seen it firsthand and it's hard to believe until you experience it.

Yeah, treated like a celebrity and used for his money and citizenship. Then most of the pretty young women bail. I’m Eastern European (no, not a mail order bride, I came here as a kid) and I’ve seen this so many times. Older out of shape guy, beautiful young woman from a struggling country, meet online and then in person, love at first sight... til she is a citizen or meets another guy or gets an awesome job willing to sponsor her.

Exactly. These American guys are delusional. What makes them think someone out of their league in another country would make them so interested in them? If they think its their looks and personality they are alarmingly naive and delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm early 50's, male, married, and about a 7.5/10 for looks and make about 110K.


This thread is definitely telling me I should stay in my somewhat unhappy marriage, or if I can't, to embrace being alone as a gift from God.

That is correct. My fed dh has a number of single older male fed co-workers who apparently thought getting divorced in middle age was a great idea. They are still alone and the young women they flirt with are just creeped out.

They are most likely broke slobs. If you are decent looking and have halfway decent social skills, you can do ok, even in the DC area. If he is smart, he will head to South America or SE Asia and have a field day.

Oh please no! No 90 day fiance fiasco. In my experience and observations the majority of modern mail order brides leave the husband in a few weeks or a few years and have major issues.

Let be real - All the guys on 90 day fiance are chosen because they have social and emotional issues that make for great TV. Any normal American guy dating abroad is treated like a celebrity. I'll seen it firsthand and it's hard to believe until you experience it.

Yeah, treated like a celebrity and used for his money and citizenship. Then most of the pretty young women bail. I’m Eastern European (no, not a mail order bride, I came here as a kid) and I’ve seen this so many times. Older out of shape guy, beautiful young woman from a struggling country, meet online and then in person, love at first sight... til she is a citizen or meets another guy or gets an awesome job willing to sponsor her.

Exactly. These American guys are delusional. What makes them think someone out of their league in another country would make them so interested in them? If they think its their looks and personality they are alarmingly naive and delusional.

Based on all the threads on DCUM, it's clear that most US women are only interested financial security too. If you're going to date a gold digger, it might as well be a Brazilian model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm early 50's, male, married, and about a 7.5/10 for looks and make about 110K.


This thread is definitely telling me I should stay in my somewhat unhappy marriage, or if I can't, to embrace being alone as a gift from God.

That is correct. My fed dh has a number of single older male fed co-workers who apparently thought getting divorced in middle age was a great idea. They are still alone and the young women they flirt with are just creeped out.

They are most likely broke slobs. If you are decent looking and have halfway decent social skills, you can do ok, even in the DC area. If he is smart, he will head to South America or SE Asia and have a field day.

Oh please no! No 90 day fiance fiasco. In my experience and observations the majority of modern mail order brides leave the husband in a few weeks or a few years and have major issues.

Let be real - All the guys on 90 day fiance are chosen because they have social and emotional issues that make for great TV. Any normal American guy dating abroad is treated like a celebrity. I'll seen it firsthand and it's hard to believe until you experience it.

Yeah, treated like a celebrity and used for his money and citizenship. Then most of the pretty young women bail. I’m Eastern European (no, not a mail order bride, I came here as a kid) and I’ve seen this so many times. Older out of shape guy, beautiful young woman from a struggling country, meet online and then in person, love at first sight... til she is a citizen or meets another guy or gets an awesome job willing to sponsor her.

Exactly. These American guys are delusional. What makes them think someone out of their league in another country would make them so interested in them? If they think its their looks and personality they are alarmingly naive and delusional.

Based on all the threads on DCUM, it's clear that most US women are only interested financial security too. If you're going to date a gold digger, it might as well be a Brazilian model.

+1

I have yet to meet an American guy in Brazil or Colombia who has an American girlfriend or wife. It's just not something you would even consider if you spend more than a couple weeks down there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably depends on age and attractiveness. I met my DH in our 20s, we both made peanuts (like our combined HHI was around 65k), but he was hot and fun and we lived really, really cheaply. If I met him at 40 making his current income, that would probably be less attractive to me because I value financial security more now. But I didn't just meet him, we've been together many years and have multiple kids he takes care of with dedication, so it's obviously not the same comparison!

This. In your 20s its all about the potential

Yes. I’m a wealthy divorced woman- growing with someone vs meeting them at 40 is so different. I do t care what a man earns but I very much care that he can travel/ski/golf with me. I have an expensive lifestyle I thoroughly enjoy- need a financial equal to play with me

[Anonymous]

Other than being short, or some other physical handicap, I can’t think of a worse problem for a man to have than having average ito below average income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably depends on age and attractiveness. I met my DH in our 20s, we both made peanuts (like our combined HHI was around 65k), but he was hot and fun and we lived really, really cheaply. If I met him at 40 making his current income, that would probably be less attractive to me because I value financial security more now. But I didn't just meet him, we've been together many years and have multiple kids he takes care of with dedication, so it's obviously not the same comparison!

This. In your 20s its all about the potential

Yes. I’m a wealthy divorced woman- growing with someone vs meeting them at 40 is so different. I do t care what a man earns but I very much care that he can travel/ski/golf with me. I have an expensive lifestyle I thoroughly enjoy- need a financial equal to play with me

+1. Of course, why would you give that up? Potential is a 20's thing, not a 40's thing. You're either wealthy or you're not by your 40's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Age 25 and making $80k, no problem. Age 45? Problem.

+1

[Anonymous]

In the DC area yes, in Lubbock TX no.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of average looking (and below) women out there that are mediocre in everything. They are perfect matches. There is a lid for every pot.

The men making >500k and ultra beautiful 10/10 women are the 0.1 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know — DH’s income didn’t matter to me when we started dating. I knew he had a lot of future earning potential. He was making $40K when we started dating in our mid-20s. We’re now in our mid-30s and he’s making $220K + bonus.

I also make six figures, but did not when we started dating. I don’t think it bothers him that I make less than him, but he’s been clear from the beginning that he’s only interested in women who want to continue working. He does not want to be the sole earner.

His income did in fact matter to you. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know — DH’s income didn’t matter to me when we started dating. I knew he had a lot of future earning potential. He was making $40K when we started dating in our mid-20s. We’re now in our mid-30s and he’s making $220K + bonus.

I also make six figures, but did not when we started dating. I don’t think it bothers him that I make less than him, but he’s been clear from the beginning that he’s only interested in women who want to continue working. He does not want to be the sole earner.

His income did in fact matter to you. Obviously.

+1. Income mattered to both of them, which is fine. He might not have been fine with a wife who would earn only $50K at her peak because that's not contributing much to the HHI and daycare for two kids could cost more than that salary would net. Earning potential is fine in your 20's, but both of them expected their spouse to actually earn more income in their 30's+.

[Anonymous]

Nothing says ‘no American woman would date me’ like the green card wife— any country will do, really. Eastern Europe? South America? Thailand? Their end game is citizenship, period.

Income potential is not a bad thing but I’d be more concerned if a person is making an honest living. I’d date a handyman in a heartbeat. But I’m middle age have kids almost grown and I make my own money (which is very low 6 figures and pretty good in my field but not DCUM). In my 20’s and 30’s I think fatherhood potential, kindness, shared values would top the list.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it depends on the job. I know some men who are just really passionate about and competent in their low-paying jobs, like teaching and public defense law. I find that very attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it depends on the job. I know some men who are just really passionate about and competent in their low-paying jobs, like teaching and public defense law. I find that very attractive.

Definitely. Passion/interesting job counts for a lot with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably depends on age and attractiveness. I met my DH in our 20s, we both made peanuts (like our combined HHI was around 65k), but he was hot and fun and we lived really, really cheaply. If I met him at 40 making his current income, that would probably be less attractive to me because I value financial security more now. But I didn't just meet him, we've been together many years and have multiple kids he takes care of with dedication, so it's obviously not the same comparison!

This. In your 20s its all about the potential

Yes. I’m a wealthy divorced woman- growing with someone vs meeting them at 40 is so different. I do t care what a man earns but I very much care that he can travel/ski/golf with me. I have an expensive lifestyle I thoroughly enjoy- need a financial equal to play with me

I'm one of the guys you probably wouldn't want to date. And that's cool. My beef is with women who insist that men make a lot more they do.