How do 2 full time working parents make it work

[Anonymous]

Single mom here. My DS went to before-school care and with me working at home at night for a few hours after he went to bed, I was able to pick him up right as school ended although I was pretty much the last person in the carpool line. This was the last few years of ES. Before that, my boss was very rigid and I had to use before and after care. He liked it and he got up at the crack of dawn so he didn't mind going early.

[Anonymous]

Most people have to use either before care or after care, sometimes both. It’s rare for 2 parents with full time jobs to need NO care outside of school hours.

[Anonymous]

Another single mom to two ES kids with a start time of 920am and a job in DC. Thankfully job didn't requite 8hrs of in office time. I am an attorney.
I went in late--often not getting to the office till 10am. I would leave by 430pm to get kids from SACC at 515ish. We often had after school activities so SACC just felt like a cushion. I would work in the evening after they went to bed.
I would often opt to work from home so I could get more done.

[Anonymous]

Work from home and flexible schedules. That is the only way we’ve managed. Otherwise you need tons of money to throw at help or very involved love family. Or some combo of all of the above!

[Anonymous]

I’m not a single mom, but I did have a period of a little over a year where I was on my own with the kids. I had one day every week that I worked from 6am-9pm and had a combination of babysitter and housekeeper at the house that day.
The other four days a week I worked from 9-3, and did drop off and pick up for school.

[Anonymous]

Another one chiming in that SACC was the way to go!

Other things to consider - SACC covered teacher workdays and delays/early releases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

I'm glad that all worked out for you and you got what you wanted.
It doesn't for everyone. Some people's parents are still working full time. Some people's parents are no longer alive or in poor health and can not care for grandchildren. Some people's parents are too "busy" traveling/golfing/etc and don't want to care for grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah good point! Forgot to add I don’t want to do before care. I feel like we’re hardly with our kids the way it is. They are so little and the days are so long. Want to avoid if I can. The Kindergartner could do before care if absolutely necessary. -OP

Tough. You, just do what every other parent does: your best and you make it work. You are not special.
You should have kept your nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah good point! Forgot to add I don’t want to do before care. I feel like we’re hardly with our kids the way it is. They are so little and the days are so long. Want to avoid if I can. The Kindergartner could do before care if absolutely necessary. -OP

Tough. You, just do what every other parent does: your best and you make it work. You are not special.
You should have kept your nanny

woof, someone’s feeling angry tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

I'm glad that all worked out for you and you got what you wanted.
It doesn't for everyone. Some people's parents are still working full time. Some people's parents are no longer alive or in poor health and can not care for grandchildren. Some people's parents are too "busy" traveling/golfing/etc and don't want to care for grandchildren.

My dad and mom were still working when we started to live together. My mom and dad had significant health issues (dad had a heart transplant) before we had kids. Mom also had her challenges (arthritis, BP, diabetes). When our babies were born, we hired night nurses and doulas. We hired a nanny/general helper when kids were at home. However, my mom was there to supervise everyone. Even with the health issues of my parents or other challenges that our family has faced, having everyone stay together has worked well because we all are each other's support. And two aspects of daily living which are essential but requires a lot of effort - a well run household (cleaning, cooking, grocery, laundry, organizing, trash out, bills paid) and care of people (childcare, eldercare and convalescent care) - actually works when there are more hands and more staffing. In the long run, the entire family has to be of one mind and realize that even with challenges, this model is a win-win for everyone.

Yes, I am aware that not every set of parent or grandparent get along with each other or even care. My family is lucky and we are happy about what we created.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Four adults in the home and you still outsource the cooking? How lazy are you?

[Anonymous]

We maintained our full-time nanny even when our kids entered K (they're twins, so they went at the same time). She has (willingly) switched to more of a nanny/house manager position since they're in school during the day, so she does their laundry (including beds and towels), some shopping, errand running, etc. We have a maid so she doesn't clean the house but she keeps it neat and does do some vacuuming during the week. It's a luxury that we sacrifice many things to afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did it by using before and after care. We are also an elementary school that is 9:20 to 4:05, so I completely understand the late start. DH and I are feds and we stopped doing any kind of alternate schedule in order to reduce our work day as much as possible. The commute is long, unfortunately. I would start work at 6:45am and DH was responsible for getting them to before care. Then I'd be able to come home at a reasonable time and not have them in after care for too long.

I will say that when they were young, they loved SACC at our FCPS school and would ask to stay longer when I'd come to pick them up. Then a combination of them getting older plus losing good staff made them hate SACC and not want to go. I eventually started working from home almost full time so we pulled them. But, while their particular SACC was good, it was a wonderful resource.

Now I have one at 9:20am and a middle schooler at 7:30am and once all FCPS kids are back in (ha!), the disparity in schedules will get worse. The 5th grader will be 10:05 to 4:50pm and the 7th grader will be 7:15am to 2pm. Ugh.

Your 5th grader won't start school until 10:05 am?!?!? That's insane. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our nanny. There was no other way for us and so much better than extended care. It’s a financial sacrifice but worth it to have loving and dependable care.

Does your nanny cook, clean, run errands for you while kids are at school?

Not clean beyond kids rooms, closets and playroom but she does all errands and all grocery shopping, meal prep, and home management (waiting for handyman, house cleaners, deliveries, payments, etc).

Basically Sahm stuff. I wish I had a sahm to help me! I don’t want to become one though....

NP, we call our nanny our SAHM. She truly is, and we couldn't survive without her! She's married, otherwise I guess we would have a throuple going on...