How do 2 full time working parents make it work

[Anonymous]

I cut back to 30 hours at work. It's been life changing. The laundry is done on time, I cook a healthy dinner every night, drop offs and pick ups aren't stressful. I can flex my time as needed for doc appts or school events.

I realize not everyone has this option but as you said before and after school care was not ideal and the small pay cut I took for cutting my hours down outweighs what a PT nanny would cost. I figure these years will be gone before we know it. We also have a cabin so I try not to work fridays and take the kids for lots of long weekends.

[Anonymous]

Before and after care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Four adults in the home and you still outsource the cooking? How lazy are you?

It’s probably Indian cooking which takes a long time of you’re making it from scratch and not using those nasty jarred simmer sauces. There are plenty of Indian aunties that make a variety of homemade Indian foods for a reasonable price, so why shouldn’t PP buy it and save time? It’s not like their family is eating quick dinners like salmon and sautéed veggies in olive oil like Americans do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah good point! Forgot to add I don’t want to do before care. I feel like we’re hardly with our kids the way it is. They are so little and the days are so long. Want to avoid if I can. The Kindergartner could do before care if absolutely necessary. -OP

How is before careany different than hiring a nanny or babysitter to drop your kid off? Either way, you are not spending time with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

Are you paying for all this or are your parents contributing financially to the outsourcing? You seem to be saying both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Four adults in the home and you still outsource the cooking? How lazy are you?

It’s probably Indian cooking which takes a long time of you’re making it from scratch and not using those nasty jarred simmer sauces. There are plenty of Indian aunties that make a variety of homemade Indian foods for a reasonable price, so why shouldn’t PP buy it and save time? It’s not like their family is eating quick dinners like salmon and sautéed veggies in olive oil like Americans do.

Lady the Indian food you get in restaurants is by no means the same food that we eat at home every day. It’s laughable that you think that.

[Anonymous]

What? I never said the Indian food you eat at home is the same as the restaurant food. I’m married to an Indian guy so I know that sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

I do think you have a good system. The US is clearly not doing this right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

So the answer would be yes, your family is from a different country.

This type of living situation would not work for many White Americans. Our HHI is $420,000 so we can afford outsourcing all the things that you outsource but we prefer to keep it minimal and have bimonthly cleaners and a lawn service. The rest we do ourselves. First, I want to model to our two children that being a functional adult is being able to have a job and manage the responsibilities that you outsource (groceries, cooking, errands, etc). I also prefer to save our money for my children's educational expenses (private school and college) and family travel. We take one international, one ski and one beach trip per year on average. DH and I are lucky to have our parents live pretty closeby so we are invovled in helping them (eg; take them to dr appointments, help them with downsizing to a condo, or if they have a minor surgery with groceries and such). They also help us by babysitting the kids if there is an issue with aftercare. So I guess everyone has different priorities and lifestyles that work for their family! Your attitude seemed a bit condescending and it rubbed me the wrong way to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

So the answer would be yes, your family is from a different country.

This type of living situation would not work for many White Americans. Our HHI is $420,000 so we can afford outsourcing all the things that you outsource but we prefer to keep it minimal and have bimonthly cleaners and a lawn service. The rest we do ourselves. First, I want to model to our two children that being a functional adult is being able to have a job and manage the responsibilities that you outsource (groceries, cooking, errands, etc). I also prefer to save our money for my children's educational expenses (private school and college) and family travel. We take one international, one ski and one beach trip per year on average. DH and I are lucky to have our parents live pretty closeby so we are invovled in helping them (eg; take them to dr appointments, help them with downsizing to a condo, or if they have a minor surgery with groceries and such). They also help us by babysitting the kids if there is an issue with aftercare. So I guess everyone has different priorities and lifestyles that work for their family! Your attitude seemed a bit condescending and it rubbed me the wrong way to be honest.

No. My family is from this country and I am as American as you. Your racist attitude needs to be examined and hopefully your kids are not catching it from you.

My kids know how to clean, cook, sew, iron, run a home, etc, because they have seen all of this done at home and they have pitched in beautifully during the pandemic. They are also expected to do community work, EC activities and excel in school. They are not lounging around watching TV or vaping or sexting. They have learned how to have patience and respect for others because we are multi generational family living together and patience is needed for that to work. We also take international holidays and yes, we have the money and wealth to fund my kids education for tutors/coaches, college, grad/professional school and beyond. Fortunately my kids are in public magnet programs and so I do not have to pay for the private schools. Lovely that your HHI is $420K. DH and I make more than what you bring in. My parents are retired now but they have managed to save quite a bit of money. They donate a substantial amount to their favorite charities (which is not us! ). We have also taken care of the people who work for us because they have endured economic losses.

I don't have to schedule an appointment to do stuff for my parents and pat myself on the back thinking that I am helping them because I have helped them to downsize, buy them groceries, take them to Drs appointments. We are part of one household and everyone's needs and wants are met. We take care of each other through thick and thin. My parents are not isolated or vulnerable during this pandemic. We have endured well because we have each other. I don't understand why my answering the question asked in this thread rubbed you the wrong way? You need to ask yourself that question. Yes, there are cultural differences between each family. Nothing to do with my being a "foreigner" because I am not White. Maybe get your head out of your ass and seek the help of your therapist. If you don't like my answer feel free to ignore it. And quit being a racist, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our nanny. There was no other way for us and so much better than extended care. It’s a financial sacrifice but worth it to have loving and dependable care.

Does your nanny cook, clean, run errands for you while kids are at school?

Not clean beyond kids rooms, closets and playroom but she does all errands and all grocery shopping, meal prep, and home management (waiting for handyman, house cleaners, deliveries, payments, etc).

Basically Sahm stuff. I wish I had a sahm to help me! I don’t want to become one though....

NP, we call our nanny our SAHM. She truly is, and we couldn't survive without her! She's married, otherwise I guess we would have a throuple going on...

I am a SAHM and even I would not have become a SAHM if I did not have the money to outsource most of the stuff that you have described. Only thing I did not outsource was childcare because I wanted to spend all the time with my kids primarily. Rest of the stuff? Outsourced to the full extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

So the answer would be yes, your family is from a different country.

This type of living situation would not work for many White Americans. Our HHI is $420,000 so we can afford outsourcing all the things that you outsource but we prefer to keep it minimal and have bimonthly cleaners and a lawn service. The rest we do ourselves. First, I want to model to our two children that being a functional adult is being able to have a job and manage the responsibilities that you outsource (groceries, cooking, errands, etc). I also prefer to save our money for my children's educational expenses (private school and college) and family travel. We take one international, one ski and one beach trip per year on average. DH and I are lucky to have our parents live pretty closeby so we are invovled in helping them (eg; take them to dr appointments, help them with downsizing to a condo, or if they have a minor surgery with groceries and such). They also help us by babysitting the kids if there is an issue with aftercare. So I guess everyone has different priorities and lifestyles that work for their family! Your attitude seemed a bit condescending and it rubbed me the wrong way to be honest.

No. My family is from this country and I am as American as you. Your racist attitude needs to be examined and hopefully your kids are not catching it from you.

My kids know how to clean, cook, sew, iron, run a home, etc, because they have seen all of this done at home and they have pitched in beautifully during the pandemic. They are also expected to do community work, EC activities and excel in school. They are not lounging around watching TV or vaping or sexting. They have learned how to have patience and respect for others because we are multi generational family living together and patience is needed for that to work. We also take international holidays and yes, we have the money and wealth to fund my kids education for tutors/coaches, college, grad/professional school and beyond. Fortunately my kids are in public magnet programs and so I do not have to pay for the private schools. Lovely that your HHI is $420K. DH and I make more than what you bring in. My parents are retired now but they have managed to save quite a bit of money. They donate a substantial amount to their favorite charities (which is not us! ). We have also taken care of the people who work for us because they have endured economic losses.

I don't have to schedule an appointment to do stuff for my parents and pat myself on the back thinking that I am helping them because I have helped them to downsize, buy them groceries, take them to Drs appointments. We are part of one household and everyone's needs and wants are met. We take care of each other through thick and thin. My parents are not isolated or vulnerable during this pandemic. We have endured well because we have each other. I don't understand why my answering the question asked in this thread rubbed you the wrong way? You need to ask yourself that question. Yes, there are cultural differences between each family. Nothing to do with my being a "foreigner" because I am not White. Maybe get your head out of your ass and seek the help of your therapist. If you don't like my answer feel free to ignore it. And quit being a racist, Karen.

Does your DH not have parents too? Or is it just about helping your parents in your ‘well adjusted, multigenerational family?’

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so confused. This question makes no sense. You can't drop your kids off at school because you need to be at work-- but you don't want to drop them off at before-care right before you start work, because then you wouldn't get to spend time with them?

What time do you drop them off at preschool now? Can't you just drop them off at before-care at that time, and then start work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our nanny. There was no other way for us and so much better than extended care. It’s a financial sacrifice but worth it to have loving and dependable care.

Does your nanny cook, clean, run errands for you while kids are at school?

Not clean beyond kids rooms, closets and playroom but she does all errands and all grocery shopping, meal prep, and home management (waiting for handyman, house cleaners, deliveries, payments, etc).

Basically Sahm stuff. I wish I had a sahm to help me! I don’t want to become one though....

NP, we call our nanny our SAHM. She truly is, and we couldn't survive without her! She's married, otherwise I guess we would have a throuple going on...

I am a SAHM and even I would not have become a SAHM if I did not have the money to outsource most of the stuff that you have described. Only thing I did not outsource was childcare because I wanted to spend all the time with my kids primarily. Rest of the stuff? Outsourced to the full extent.

Maybe you have a chip on your shoulder about being a SAHM, or maybe you're just kind of...I don't know, obnoxious? There's a better word but I can't think of it. So you're a SAHM and you outsource everything but childcare (including, apparently, errands, and people to wait for the people who do your home management). So you're basically in the 1%, which, as I'm sure you gather, isn't most people. Also, the thread asked about working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live with us.

We also have a cleaning woman who comes twice a week. And we have a woman who cooks and does meal prep for us, once a week. I have a person who also picks up our groceries and does outside errands. I also have a lawn/landscaping guy and another person who is my general contractor for any construction and repair work. I pay the first three anywhere from $25-30 an hour. The others are based on projects.

I also pay for some extras like coffee/tes/meals, gas, hand sanitizers, gloves, masks, and flu shots for their entire family as well as holiday bonuses. Finally All of this does not cost me more than $15K per year. Plus my parents are there to keep an eye and this keeps them engaged and healthy, plus they are looked after because they are with us. The savings when you have a good team of staff is amazing and worthwhile.

Are your family from another country because this level of staff and parental help is not typical in the US, even amongst the upper middle class. Cleaning ladies, nannies and yard work yes, but the rest seems excessive.

No, my parents immigrated in the 50s as students. They have lived the majority of their lives here. I was born here. This level of staff and parental help is actually essential in the US (even if it is not typical for White people) if working moms want to continue to remain in the work-force. Its not as if the govt or corporate policies will change anytime soon to make it easier for parents and women!

Growing up, my parents managed to have careers and raised two kids without any support. Parenthood was hard because my mom and dad were forever doing the balancing act. I knew several things for myself - I wanted kids, I wanted a career, and I wanted to look after my parents. I wanted to do all of these three things well and I wanted to have a stress-free life. Having a large house with seperate space for my parents and for my own family, meant that we all could be together and supporting each other. Having a good amount of staffing support means that the logistics of running a home, of taking care of kids, of socializing (our friends, my parents friends), of taking care of health (ours, parents), of doing errands etc - does not become a burden on anyone. I am always on the lookout for people who can make our lives easier and have a black book of tried and tested service providers.

Of course, this works for our family only because we are functional and close-knit. We all appreciate each other and we all have our space and resources. We also know that if we had gone solo, we would not have had the advantages that pooling our resources have given us. We have never been more thankful about our setup than during this pandemic. As I watch working moms and dads struggle, especially now, I think that having a setup like ours is essential to not only survive but thrive.

So the answer would be yes, your family is from a different country.

This type of living situation would not work for many White Americans. Our HHI is $420,000 so we can afford outsourcing all the things that you outsource but we prefer to keep it minimal and have bimonthly cleaners and a lawn service. The rest we do ourselves. First, I want to model to our two children that being a functional adult is being able to have a job and manage the responsibilities that you outsource (groceries, cooking, errands, etc). I also prefer to save our money for my children's educational expenses (private school and college) and family travel. We take one international, one ski and one beach trip per year on average. DH and I are lucky to have our parents live pretty closeby so we are invovled in helping them (eg; take them to dr appointments, help them with downsizing to a condo, or if they have a minor surgery with groceries and such). They also help us by babysitting the kids if there is an issue with aftercare. So I guess everyone has different priorities and lifestyles that work for their family! Your attitude seemed a bit condescending and it rubbed me the wrong way to be honest.

No. My family is from this country and I am as American as you. Your racist attitude needs to be examined and hopefully your kids are not catching it from you.

My kids know how to clean, cook, sew, iron, run a home, etc, because they have seen all of this done at home and they have pitched in beautifully during the pandemic. They are also expected to do community work, EC activities and excel in school. They are not lounging around watching TV or vaping or sexting. They have learned how to have patience and respect for others because we are multi generational family living together and patience is needed for that to work. We also take international holidays and yes, we have the money and wealth to fund my kids education for tutors/coaches, college, grad/professional school and beyond. Fortunately my kids are in public magnet programs and so I do not have to pay for the private schools. Lovely that your HHI is $420K. DH and I make more than what you bring in. My parents are retired now but they have managed to save quite a bit of money. They donate a substantial amount to their favorite charities (which is not us! ). We have also taken care of the people who work for us because they have endured economic losses.

I don't have to schedule an appointment to do stuff for my parents and pat myself on the back thinking that I am helping them because I have helped them to downsize, buy them groceries, take them to Drs appointments. We are part of one household and everyone's needs and wants are met. We take care of each other through thick and thin. My parents are not isolated or vulnerable during this pandemic. We have endured well because we have each other. I don't understand why my answering the question asked in this thread rubbed you the wrong way? You need to ask yourself that question. Yes, there are cultural differences between each family. Nothing to do with my being a "foreigner" because I am not White. Maybe get your head out of your ass and seek the help of your therapist. If you don't like my answer feel free to ignore it. And quit being a racist, Karen.

Does your DH not have parents too? Or is it just about helping your parents in your ‘well adjusted, multigenerational family?’

NP. I’m loving all of these Karens triggered by a happy, successful 2nd gen immigrant.